[Editor’s Note: Yes, I’m running late. Computer wasn’t about to do my bidding. My spirit is tired.]
Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, has blamed her readers for unleashing a Pictish invasion of Scurveyshire. Introducing Chapter DCLXXXXVII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Ms. Crepuscular writes:
“Well, I hope you’re happy! I throw open the Doors of Creativity, inviting my readership to provide a name for the Royal Millipede Inspector, Lady Margo Cargo’s lost love–and hardly anybody applies!! Whatever those Picts do to Scurveyshire, it’s your fault!”
But she is distracted by a reminder that today is The Super Bowl and she needs to whip up a batch of Super Bowl cookies. Suddenly a barbarian invasion seems like pretty small potatoes.
“This year’s Super Bowl cookies,” Violet mumbles, “feature not one but two layers of toothpaste between highly salted Ritz crackers. Double your pleasure!” She has not yet seen the millipede colony burgeoning in the remotest regions of her kitchen. “Julia Child never had millipedes!” she will cry, once she discovers she has something to cry about.
And so romance gives way to Pictish barbarity, which in turn gives way to blanking football… and by and by we will sample Violet’s double-toothpaste cookies.
When Violet starts baking, the emergency room calls in extra staff. Now, they’ll need to double up. 🙂
You just don’t like toothpaste sandwich cookies. She’s on to you, man!
There’s just something about writhing in pain after gustation that doesn’t appeal to me. 🙂