G’day, boys & girls (I always like that “&” thing)! Byron the Quokka here, with a mind-blowing smorgasbord of glorious weekend television, brought to you by Quokka University, where attitudes go to die. A brief sample from our schedule:
2 P.M. Ch. 07 WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF PSEUDO SPORTS–(Don’t try these at home)
This week: fearless idiot vs. swarm of killer bees; drunken head-butting competition, Anchors: Big Bird (from Sesame Street) and Paris Hilton. Special: High diving with the June Taylor Dancers–the blindfolds make all the difference!
2:17 P.M. Ch. 11 N.Y. Fimbles Victory Parade–Live from Manhattan (or is it somewhere else?)
Having swept the 12-game World Series of Kvetching, the New York Fimbles victory parade will march along decayed sections of the waterfront. They have to do this because they never got a parade permit. Grand Madam Whatsit: Hillary Clinton (Low point in her career). Commentary: Some poor guy with Tourette’s Syndrome.
3 P.M. Ch. 32 MOVIE–With worst West German movie music
Achtung! Gesundheit! (German/Hittite, 1992: 700 minutes of pure hell) nostalgically revisits some twelve years’ worth of hopelessly awful West German movie music, widely, almost unanimously, considered the worst in the world. If they had sent out their orchestras instead of the panzers, they might’ve won World War II. Hosts: Mil Mascaras (with mask) and Sally Field (with plow).
4:33 P.M. THOSE WONDERFUL SCHIMMELPFENNIGS–Sitcom
Can a family of cavemen make it in the suburbs? Why have Mr. and Mrs. Schimmelpfennig decided to raise their children as cavemen? This week: Oog tries to organize a mammoth hunt, but Mr. Mealie (Oedipus Rex Meets Gidget) won’t let them pass through his backyard. Song: “Caveman Coccyx”.
Well, there you have it: TV that belongs to the ages. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds great.
Hurry, hurry! Don’t want to miss anything! Byron the Quokka, signing off…
G’day, Friend, and good job as usual. I like the German stuff as that is the only foreign language I know anything about.
WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF PSEUDO SPORTS–(Don’t try these at home) – I was in the middle of swarming bees one time. The secret is don’t move. Maybe as harrowing as butting heads. 2:17 P.M. Ch. 11 N.Y. Fimbles Victory Parade–Live from Manhattan (or is it somewhere else?) – since the shooting at the parade for the Kansas City Chiefs winning the Stupor Bowl, I am avoiding parades (and anything involving Hillary Clinton). MOVIE–With worst West German movie music – I imagine no Grammy awards for this movie, that is unless U2 had a part in it. THOSE WONDERFUL SCHIMMELPFENNIGS–Sitcom – this one sounds hilarious – I will make sure and DVR it.