G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with your weekend TV treats brought to you by Quokka University, where men are men (not mantises–people keep making that mistake).
Here are a few glaring examples:
6:30 P.M. Ch. 03 NEWS WITH BOOZE–(Pretty much what you’d expect)
Where is it written that your news anchors have to be sober when they face the camera? “Makesh the wuddayacallit easier to take, y’know whad I mean?” says reporter Mushy Groves. Tonight: Sports Anchor Sheila Kabeela takes a stiff belt of rye to get through the MLB box scores.
Ch. 15 HOPPY & SOPPY–Children’s programming
The twins (O.C. Marsh, E.D. Cope) are embarrassed by Mom’s insistence that she is General Douglas MacArthur (Heather Locklear). It’s a big problem–because she’s running for school board president! Dr. Okefenokee: Albert Smarmy. FBI agent: PeeWee Herman.
7 P.M. Ch. 24 EAT ICKY THINGS TO GET RICH AND FAMOUS!–Exactly what it sounds like
Is there anything you won’t do for fame and money? Join host Bare-Knuckles Blake as he puts the hapless contestants through their paces. “Degrading! Shameful!” are among the more often used descriptive terms. This week (Forget about it! I refuse to lower myself by devoting one more word to this travesty).
7:07 P.M. Ch. 46 MOVIE–Drama: Prenatal discretion advised
Victor Hugo stars as ace detective Gerard Manly Hopkins (whose job it is to detect aces in places where they shouldn’t be) in I’ve Got a Wombat in My Bathtub (Syrian/Etruscan, 2022: 19 minutes). See the intense bridge table scene which brought down the Hawaiian government. And that was after they cut out the bit about the octopus!
Well, that ought to get you primed for a weekend’s reveling in one-of-a-kind television!
What am I doing out here??? Byron the Quokka, signing off…
Good on ya, Mate. Right on time with the report.
Song suggestion: In His Time for whenever you need one.
Here is another wonderful song by Dallas Holm, Before Your Throne. Suggestion for tomorrow sometime, or whenever. It is beautiful.