G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend’s worth of glorious, glamorous, gargantuan TV! Brought to you by Quokka University, where illusions go to die. (All right, I don’t know what I meant! It just sounded cool.)
Saturday
2:42 p.m. Ch. 45 COCCYX MAN–Superhero drama
What if your coccyx was more than just a coccyx? What if it made you a superhero? That’s exactly what happened to Marcus Farkus (Willis McGeek) when he was trying to clean up the laboratory at night and slipped and fell into a vat of heaven knows what. Prof Knopf: Leo McKern. Woozie Suzie: Hsiang K’e-bang.
Sunday
4:17 p.m. Ch. 16 SAN FRAN SHRUBS vs. CHARLESTON PAPERWEIGHTS–Sports (after a fashion)
Join celebrity broadcasters Herschel Worthless and Annie Victanny as the two big-league teams go at it! Object of the game: To remain perfectly still the longest! Move too early and you’re out! Sponsored by Ugly Bald Man Weiners.
6:11 p.m. Ch. 44 LAPSY THE WONDER DOG–Indescribable suspense
No one will believe Lapsy when she tries to warn Farmer YoHo (George “Sparky” Blotz) and his family of talking axolotls. Lapsy must act! Will it do any good to chew up a lot of coarse grass and get terribly ill? We’ll see! Mrs. Bobble: Anne Francis.
So there you have it, folks–this week’s highlights. I can’t wait to see who’s best at remaining perfectly still for hours at a time!
Gee, I wonder if that bike is up for grabs…
Byron the Quokka, signing off.
COCCYX MAN–Superhero drama – I will pass on this one, Byron – it’s been done too many times before. FYI: Calling females ‘gulls” may get you a lawsuit – hurting someone’s feelings. COCCYX MAN–Superhero drama – sounds pretty dull, Byron. It reminds me of the fad of giving cars away as a publicity stunt where the person who touched the car the longest without any intervals wins the car. It always drew a crowd of supporters and curiosity seekers, and maybe some free exposure on local television news shows. LAPSY THE WONDER DOG–Indescribable suspense – What an unselfish dog, truly a wonder, and very intelligent to detect axolotls – I don’t even know what they are.
You don’t want to know what axolotls are. These are some horrors in life which are best to remain unknown. 🙂