Airline Passenger Gets ‘Nose Bitten Off’ in Brawl

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Maybe now they’ll come out with “Brawling Drunks” paper dolls.

Remember when airline travel was sort of glamorous? When people got dressed up for it? When Dixie Dugan became an airline hostess (“stewardess,” back then)?

Our culture has somewhat coarsened in the interval.

This weekend, aboard a Ryanair flight from Tenerife to Glasgow, two drunks got into a fistfight, quite alarming for the other passengers, and the guy who tried to break it up–well, he got his nose bitten off, according to several witnesses ( The two brawlers were arrested by police when the plane landed.

An old proverb says, “Those who in quarrels interpose/ Oft must wipe a bloody nose.” And how.

The poor guy–he was only trying to do what he thought was right. He can’t help it that the ambience of an airliner has come to resemble that of a saloon in an old Western. All they needed was somebody at the piano playing Oh, Them Golden Slippers.

We reap what we sow.


Airline Passengers Brawl at 20,000 Feet


I don’t have video of the melee aboard the airliner, but this ought to give you an idea of it.

Hey! Remember when airline travel was considered glamorous? You dressed up for it. People thought you were hot stuff.

If you think civilization is all right, nowhere near terminal, consider this story:

Supposedly upset because he wasn’t allowed to drink or smoke in-flight, some jidrool started pissing on another passenger, who took exception to it, touching off a mid-air free-for-all that forced the pilot to find a landing place toot-sweet ( ).

It was an Air France jet on a flight from Algeria to Paris, as reported by The Daily Mail. Not one of those U.S. jetliners where they change the baby’s diaper on the dinner tray.

So… what was that guy thinking? “Won’t let me drink an alcoholic beverage, eh? Won’t let me smoke? Well! That leaves me no alternative but to make like I’m a dog and this other guy’s a fire hydrant…”

They’re out there. More and more of them every day. And I say it’s our krazy kulture that’s making people crazy.

Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong.

Lawsuit: ‘Sitting Next to Fatty Wrecked My Back’

So you’re flying from Brisbane, Australia, to Dubai on the Persian Gulf, like halfway around the world, and you’ve gotta sit next to this fat guy who’s not only fat, but has a bad cough and fluid oozing from his mouth… ( )

Gee, this is getting gross. Sorry about that. But that’s the argument of this passenger’s lawsuit against an Australian airline. He says the experience gave him a back injury.

Yeah, I know: the world is falling apart, and I’m writing about having to sit next to some fat guy on an airplane. Well, it can’t be baby parts for sale all the time, can it? Remember when airline travel was, well… classy? People dressed for it. Just to be on the plane gave you prestige.

I am told it ain’t that way anymore. I haven’t been aboard an airliner since 1976, so what do I know? Back then, I didn’t see anybody barefoot in the cabin, or changing a baby’s diaper on one of those food trays, or any of those other sights I hear about.

Consider the fat guy on the airplane a cultural marker, spilling over into the adjacent seats, noisily coughing–a kind of sign-post on the road to cultural collapse. You shouldn’t even board the plane if you’ve got a bad cough and a contagious disease–but who cares about that stuff anymore? Like the supermarket checkout clerk who comes to work sick and coughs in everybody’s faces.

How that translates into a back injury, I don’t know.