Laugh Break: Watery Mayhem

I suppose I shouldn’t laugh at these boating and fishing mishaps; but really, they’re all so easily avoidable!

To operate a car on public roads, you have to demonstrate that you can, in fact, drive the blinkin’ car and you understand the rules of the road. But to operate a high-powered boat, well–all you need is the boat.

Watch what happens when “What, me worry?”, “Look, ma, no hands!” drives her boat into the cauldron of doom. And later on you’ll meet a guy whom you definitely never want to go fishing with…

‘As the “Science” Gets Sillier and Sillier’ (2018)

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Study our civilization! If you can find it.

Is there a secret government agency whose only job is to invent ever-more frivolous ways to waste our money?

I’d like to know how much this caper cost–“studying” the effects of Climbit Change on an alien civilization on another planet.

As the ‘Science’ Gets Sillier and Sillier

Just askin’–what do they mean by a “civilization”? Our own planet has had many civilizations. It has quite a few different ones today. But then most of science-fiction has always taken eventual Global Government as a given.

Heaven forbid.

I suppose, meanwhile, it would do no good to ask for our money back…

Wanna Buy an Invisible Sculpture?

Nothing HD Stock Images | Shutterstock

Speaking of satire, this isn’t one. I know it sounds like a satire, but it isn’t. It also sounds like it could be one of those tongue-in-cheek bite-sized science fiction stories Isaac Asimov used to write, but it isn’t one of those, either.

It’s real.

Let this quote suffice: “Salvatore Garau has sold his latest invisible sculpture” (https://wamu.org/story/21/06/01/italian-artist-sells-invisible-sculpture-for-real-money/). For $18,000. Not make-believe money. The buyer gets a certificate.

Of what? Idiocy?

Paying $18,000 literally for nothing. Once upon a time, this would have been called a sin: incontinence. Having more money than is good for you and not knowing what to do with it–so you waste it. Squander it.

I think it’s probably still a sin; and probably carries its own punishment, too.

One-Man Sperm Banks

Killer (TV Mini Series 1983) - IMDb

A few nights ago we watched an episode of the Scottish cop show, Taggart, in which a fertility doctor used his own sperm–instead of that provided by anonymous sperm donors–to father dozens of babies in Glasgow. When the truth came out, enraged husbands would have killed him if the police hadn’t shown up in the nick of time.

This morning, serendipitously, my wife found a multitude of news stories about virtually identical cases thronging the internet, from all over the world. Like, for instance, this one–of a doctor in Michigan who fathered literally hundreds of babies (https://www.wxyz.com/news/michigan-doctor-admits-to-using-own-sperm-to-father-hundreds-of-babies). He was at it “for decades,” he admitted. And was only found out because a grown woman had a DNA test to find out whom her father was and it turned out to be her mother’s doctor.

Although I scan the nooze every day, I still occasionally find an evil that’s a new one on me.

The sperm donor industry is big business, worldwide, and no one knows how many doctors–and it’s not just doctors, but all sorts of big shots in universities, politics, and business–have been doing this. There are people out there with literally hundreds, or even thousands, of half-brothers and half-sisters that they don’t know about. In a single city, some of them are bound to get married to each other, eventually. Those marriages would be incestuous, and any babies born to them would be at high risk for genetic disabilities or diseases.

Motive? Pocket the money you would’ve had to pay for an anonymous sperm donor. Or maybe it’s an ego trip. Who knows what motivates these guys? There are a lot of weird people out there.

Sex outside of marriage, even when it’s something as impersonal as artificial insemination, is a sin; and God has good reasons for declaring it so. What those one-man sperm banks do is also against man’s laws–and again for good reasons.

Does anyone still wonder why we need a Savior?

‘The Pooperintendent of Schools’ (2018)

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Maybe it should say “Curb Your Superintendent of Schools.”

Remember this? The superintendent of schools of Kenilworth, NJ, was busted for repeatedly defecating on the grounds of Holmdel High School.

The Pooperintendent of Schools

This guy was pulling down a $147,504 salary, and when the story came out, he was suspended with full pay. It took a year to find out he finally resigned.

But wait! There’s more!

‘Pooperintendent of Schools’ Seeks Revenge on Cops Who Busted Him

So let’s see if we get this right. The guy goes around taking dumps on public property… and he sues the police? Like it’s their fault he thought he was a dog?

We don’t know if his threatened lawsuit ever made it to court. Once upon a time there were judges who’d jail a lawyer for contempt if he ever set foot in a courtroom with such a ridiculous case.

‘Excuse Me–Is This Your Brain?’

They’re still trying to find the owners of nine brains that turned up loose on the sidewalk of a village in upstate New York some years ago.

Excuse Me–Is This Your Brain?

“If only we had a college or a university nearby, it’d be easy to track down nine people with missing brains,” said police chief Agnes Morehead. “They’re always losing their brains–and half the time they never miss ’em.”

The fact that the brains are somewhat undersized “points to higher education,” said the chief. “After all, it’s not like they had any use for ’em.”

If you have any information which might re-unite one of the brains with its owner, contact the Squalid Village Police Dept.

Raping Your Mind

RICK BRANT #12 "THE ELECTRONIC MIND READER" by JOHN BLAINE | eBay

Remember, ten years ago, a number of TV “reporters”–and Judge Judy, too–suddenly started talking gibberish? On camera, in fact. They couldn’t help themselves. And as far as I know, nobody ever found out what was wrong with them.

In 1957, in a Young Adult “science adventure” novel by Hal Goodwin (dba John G. Blaine), The Electronic Mind Reader, the bad guys get hold of a new technology that enables them to stop scientific projects by scrambling the scientists’ brains. The victims are reduced to spouting gibberish.

Hal Goodwin was in the loop. He’d worked for quite a few different government agencies, traveled the world, and knew a lot of people high up on the ladder.

So what had he heard of, or glimpsed, in 1957 that inspired him to write that book? Which seems a particularly scary little book today, now that big-name Scientists are talking about hatching a new technology that will allow them to put stuff into someone’s brain without cutting him open. Or take stuff out. And–get this!–they describe it as “reading” the subject’s brain. As in The Electronic Mind Reader.

Using technology wisely, we can all become sock puppets. The only question to be asked is… whose?

Are they, uh, daring God to intervene? Does that ever turn out well?

I think they are. Whether they know it or not.

‘Chimp/Human Hybrid Born–Then Killed’ (2018)

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This was a major story on The Drudge Report three years ago–a sign that Drudge was nearing its sell-by date.

Chimp/Human Hybrid Born–Then Killed

Yeah, okay, surely there’s some kook out there who would like to create animal-human hybrids. Maybe they could be turned into superheroes. Oyster Man. Hamster Woman. But if “scientists” did all the things they’d like to do, we’d already be extinct.

This is the kind of story that gives a news site a bad reputation.

‘You Can’t Make Up This Stuff’ (2016)

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Maybe the judge never saw a war movie?

How stupid can stupid be?

Don’t ask! You might get blown up.

You Can’t Make Up This Stuff

How many times do you reckon a hand grenade has gone off inside a courtroom? And how many witnesses, do you suppose, would answer the question “How does it work?” by pulling the pin?

If snails were this stupid, they’d crawl backwards.

Should You Spray Your Hair with Gorilla Glue?

Image result for images of gorilla glue

Uh… I’m guessing “no.”

But that’s just me. A young woman in Louisiana recently ran out of her regular hairspray and sprayed her hair with Gorilla Glue instead–with rather distressing, but not unexpected, results. So she thinks she’s gonna sue Gorilla Glue for not warning people not to use it as hairspray (https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/woman-styled-hair-gorilla-glue-considering-lawsuit). The label does say not to use it on skin or eyes, but no one thought to warn users off using Gorilla Glue as hairspray.

Probably shouldn’t use it as any part of sex play, either. Betcha the warning label doesn’t mention that.

You wonder why companies have to adorn their products with what appear to be purely ridiculous warning labels. Do Not Operate Chain Saw in Bed. Remove Sun Shield Before Driving.

Well, we see what happens when they don’t post those warnings. They get sued. Somebody does something really dumb and the company gets sued.

The woman with the glue in her hair had to go to the emergency room. We are not told whether the hospital staff was able to solve her problem.