Y’know that “chance of snow” that they’ve been talkin’ up? Well ho, ho, ho! it’s not just snow!
This here is special snow, caused by Climbit Chainge, transphobia, stochastic terrorism, and the vagaries of the Sudanese stock market. It is worse than regular snow because of those things!
There is also a chance (however small) of a volcano, a tsunami (in Nebraska, no less!), and a plague of collywobbles.
It’s too late to avert these calamities, but experts say we can completely shut them off in the future by having a global government run by experts.
(The sun’s still out today, but don’t be fooled by that: it’s only to lure you into thinking you don’t really need 18 rolls of toilet paper.)