Tag: snow panic

Weather Update: Walmart Was Gehenna REPRINT

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201,069 Blizzard Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

From January 31, 2021

 

Well, it’s snowing, all right. The heavy snow is supposed to hit us tomorrow. I dunno, it’s already looking pretty heavy. But we shall see.

We had to go to Walmart today to pick up Patty’s prescription at their pharmacy, and also more groceries to tide us over the next few days.

Holy moly. What at first appeared to be a crowded airport parking lot turned out to be hundreds and hundreds of cars gassing up at Costco. In the Walmart parking lot, the cars flowed like lava. I hiked to the entrance and found myself in a crowd like on the runways of Yankee Stadium on Opening Day. You could barely move. I got the prescription all right, but it didn’t take but two minutes to abandon the quest for groceries. I calculated that it would actually cost us less time to drive several miles out of the way and buy the stuff at Stop and Shop.

Getting back out of the Walmart parking lot was… well, let “horrible” suffice.

Stop and Shop was crowded, too, with long lines at every register; still, compared to Walmart, Stop and Shop was heaven. I fell into conversation with a couple of nice people in the line. Nice and friendly: a pleasant surprise. People don’t always turn into werewolves when they have to put up with assorted tribulations. We did stop short of having a sing-along.

My dream is to stay home tomorrow and not go to any stores. It’d be wonderful if my blog numbers recovered tomorrow. (Very strange: they tanked on Jan. 17. Kaploosh, just like that.) Maybe we’ll watch a movie in the afternoon. Or at least watch the snow.

‘Oops–No Blizzard’ (2015)

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Biggest Snowstorms of All Time - Worst U.S. Blizzards

You watch: leading up to Election Day, the airwaves will be full of forecasts of a cataclysmic blizzard, better vote early, better vote by mail! And then it won’t snow at all, but we’ll be told The Mummy got 100 million votes, back for another four years, heh-heh…

You know they’re looking for ways to finagle this year’s presidential elections. If it ain’t a new strain of COVID–well, there’s always the weather.

Here in New Jersey, where it almost never snows to any depth, we panic at the rumor of an impending snowstorm.

Oops–No Blizzard

Yeah! We get the emergency phone call from the mayor, the nooze shows us footage of blizzards past, and we flock to the supermarket to load ourselves down with batteries, toilet paper, and enough food to take us clear through to May Day if it doesn’t spoil.

We do this every time. Like robots. We never learn not to.

Sort of a scary thing to contemplate.

This Just In–We Are So Doomed!

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Your photos of Montreal buried under mountain of snow | CBC News

Y’know that “chance of snow” that they’ve been talkin’ up? Well ho, ho, ho! it’s not just snow!

This here is special snow, caused by Climbit Chainge, transphobia, stochastic terrorism, and the vagaries of the Sudanese stock market. It is worse than regular snow because of those things!

There is also a chance (however small) of a volcano, a tsunami (in Nebraska, no less!), and a plague of collywobbles.

It’s too late to avert these calamities, but experts say we can completely shut them off in the future by having a global government run by experts.

(The sun’s still out today, but don’t be fooled by that: it’s only to lure you into thinking you don’t really need 18 rolls of toilet paper.)

‘Aargh! It’s Gonna Snow! Oh, Nooooo!’ (2015)

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Coronavirus in US pictures: Low traffic, empty grocery store shelves

You don’t need COVID panic to empty the shelves. Snow panic will do it, too!

It’s a cold, sunny day this morning, not a cloud in the sky; but the National Weather Service predicts “a chance of snow” tonight.

And as usual, it’ll cause a panic.

Aargh! It’s Gonna Snow! Oh, Nooooo!

Monday is our normal grocery-shopping day. It really would be too bad if there were no more toilet paper on the shelves. Silly people in New Jersey think they’re going to be snowed in for weeks at a time–something that has never happened here, ever, and probably never will.

I’d like to know why people panic so easily. Was it always so?

When the Phone Rings at Midnight… and It’s an Idiot

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So it’s midnight last night; we’ve turned the lights out, topped off the cat food, and are about to go upstairs to bed… when the phone rings.

Now, what does it mean when the phone rings at midnight? Someone in your family has died! Or been grossly injured in an accident. Nothing good, that’s for sure. So I pick up the phone.

And it’s our town’s mayor, to tell us that it’s gonna snow tomorrow. This spawn of Cthulhu called us up at twelve o’clock at night to tell us that.

Just what you don’t need–a shot of adrenalin at bedtime.

Yeah, all right–it’s snowing right now. Coming down pretty good. But to send out a robo-call at midnight–you didn’t think the nimrod was sitting at the phone himself, did you?–is just not decent.

We are governed by idiots, and we don’t know how to get rid of them.

‘Aargh! It’s Gonna Snow! Oh, Noooo!’ (2015)

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Not at all likely!

There was some snow in the forecast earlier this week–we got about half an inch–and when we went to the supermarket that morning, almost all the milk had already been bought out. ‘Cause when it snows, you’ll need several gallons of milk, at least a dozen packages of toilet paper, and a boxful of batteries.

Aargh! It’s Gonna Snow! Oh, Nooooo!

This is New Jersey. We don’t have snowstorms that shut you in for a week. Nor do we have tornadoes, wildfires, or volcanoes (just the very occasional minor earthquake: which, I admit, is startling). So why does everybody panic whenever there’s snow in the weather forecast? Half the time, at least, it turns out there isn’t any at all.

It’s one of those things I just can’t figure out.

‘Oops–No Blizzard’ (2015)

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I do realize that a lot of you have already had enough snow dumped on you to last a lifetime, and you’re sick of it; but here in central New Jersey this winter, we’ve had only a little more snow than Aruba or Tahiti.

Oops–No Blizzard

We did it again this week. Snow was predicted. “Winter Storm Watch” went into effect. We got an email from some local government agency about “what to do after the storm”–like, y’know, in case we got snowed in for a month without electricity, without food, had to resort to cannibalism, etc.

It snowed about an inch and a half, if that much, and was almost all melted away by the next morning. So if you didn’t get around to panicking in the few hours allowed, sorry, you missed it.

Why is our nooze media always trying to stampede us?

When exactly did our weather services stop being weather services to devote themselves exclusively to stirring up panic? Is that part of their Climate Change business? Keep ’em in a panic: maybe they’ll finally give up all their freedoms in return for the government’s protection against… well, nature.

It’s so silly. But I wonder if there’s a sinister purpose behind it.