(When I was in first grade–or was it kindergarten?–I got in huge trouble for drawing with crayons on the tiled wall of the vestibule, where the teacher had confined me for some minuscule transgression. I drew a picture of a bank robber carrying a bag of money out of a bank. I thought it was rather good, but the teacher called the janitor to wipe it off.)
Great News! Fumble House Pulbishers plan to publish The Calecktid Wizdumb of Joe College, if they can find someone to transcribe it after Joe scrawled it in crayon on the wall of the Trotsky Dorm’s second-floor shower room. But let’s let Joe speak for himself.
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Hi its me Joe Collidge and i “amb” a Awther!!!! i has writed a Book “to Hellp” awl yiu dum and stoopid ordrinery peeple be Smart-er,, “allmost” as Smart as yiu wood “be” iff yiu wented To Collidge!!!
Wen yiu “are dun” reeding This yiu wil Under-stand that Souper Heeroes thay “are” reel and Trans-ginder it is The Fewtcher and Captiallism it is Bad and Yiu Are Awl no-good stinkin Racists!!!!!! And yiu whil “notbe” Abul To Sleeep “with” “out” a pixture of HILLARY tayped to yore Bedd!!!!!!!!! And other good stuph tooo!
Somb Hater Biggit thay “asskt” me haow cumb i “writed” “it” on the Bath Rhoomb wawl whith “Crayyons” in sted “of” Payper butt “he” jist runned A-whay wen I stratted Skreeming Racist at himb and ye,lling “foar” the Campas Dyvercity Squawd!!!! Thay cumb and give me Play-Doh “to” clam me daown!!!!!
I amb sapozed “to” Get somb Big Munny foar “this” hear Boock butt frist I has to pay themb A Thowzind Dolors butt thats OK thay tolled me “awl” awthers and wrighters thay awlyaws has To “do” That!!!!!!