Thancks-Giving it shood “Not” be aloud no moar!!!!!
Heer “at” the Stoodint Soviet we has cumpozed a Ee-male and sended It to awl “the” famblies arowned The Collidge to oardur themb “to” Dee-Collinize thare stopid Thancks-Giving dinnor!!! Becose Thancks-Giving it “is” No-Good stinkin holladay that’s awl abuote Shooting Peeple Of Culler!!!!!
Wen the Pillgrimbs thay kame heer fromb Itally or sombplaice thay shooted awl the Indains who come heer Fromb Indier!!!!!! Then thay starrtid Capatolizm!!!! and aslo brung in Religgin!!!! Thay rooned evry-Thing!!!!!!!!!!
So we sayed In our Ee-male “”Haow dair yiu cellarbrate this Badness!?!? Yiu are jist No-Good durty Capatolist Collownolists!!””! We “are” Glaad we done it becose we fouwned Out that awl the skools in Warshingtin DeC thay done “it” too! And thay has got a Equitty Teemb to teech famblies how To Be Mizrable on Thancks-Giving insted “of” hapy!!!!! We shood has “one Of” thoase too!!!
And we thanck Jobydin the Pressadint for maiking this stopid holladay Cost “so” mutch!!! We woont be hapy “un-till” al themb famblies Thay “are” Un-Hapy!!!!!
I jist soddenly fownded ouat “That” tamorro it “Is” Thancks-Giving!! it is a Very Bad Day infented “by” Wyte Struprembacysts!!!!!!!!!! and it shood not be aloud!!
So we hadded a Merjintsy Meting of “the” Stoodent Soviet to Ban Thancks-Giving heer at Collidge!!!! and the voat was 17-1 but we kicked that one Voat owt of the Soviet and then we Beet himb Up!!!!!!
Enny boddy whoo Gets cawt eeting Terky tamorro thay wil get a F! and has to go “To” Censortivity Traning!!!!! and iff thay are Wyte then thay has to go Twicet “and” thay cant be Wyte enny moar!!! Our gole is a 110 Persent% Non-Wyte Kampiss!!!!!!
Insted of Thancks-Giving tamorrow we “are” goingto Cellarbrate a noo hollerday it is cawled “T”hancks Foar Nothing!”!” Day!! and evry boddy heer thay has to Cellarbrate “oar Elss!””” Yiu cant has Dyvercity unlest evry boddy thay al do and Thinck and Say “the” saim Thing “At” tHe Saim Tymbe!!!!
p.s..–I jist heered “that” Jobydin he is comming heer tamorrow to maik a Speach abuot Hapy Eester!!!! He is The Smartist “Man” In The Whorld!!!!!!!!
Leftid morons are playing havoc with our language. Well, of course: they don’t want us able to communicate with one another.
Some college pinhead yesterday said we shouldn’t call children “children” anymore, it’s something-ist, we should call them “little people.” I thought that meant leprechauns. Or have dwarfs claimed that label for themselves?
And of course we’re not supposed to say “boys and girls” anymore because that is definitely Trans-Phobic and Binary and will make hair grow on your palms. Reality is just so IST!
This is what we’re getting for our “higher education” dollars.
I can hardly believe this “abolish the sexes!” schiff has been going on for three years, or even more. And I won’t even try to imagine what the mental patients who run Colorado State University are up to now. This was bad enough.
We hadded a fastenating lexture Lassed Nihght it was awl abuot how Starr Treck thay are awll Reel!!! but Donold Trumpt he maided peple “thinck” thay wasnt reel jist so’s “he” cood maik people Not be Hapy!!!!!
I bet yiu has heered that Mr. Spock “he” “Was” reely somb ackter naimed Lennerd Kneemoy,, whatt “A” big fatt Lye!!!!!!!! I bet you heered thay wasnt reel Poynty Eers on himb!!!! The thing Is,, themb Repubickins thay doughnt “wahhnt” no boddy to bee Hapy axsep themb!!!!!!!!!!
Our lexture gye he wood knot Give “his Naim” becose then Racists thay wood Ass-ass-onate himb!!!! But he sayed Starr Treck “it” Is “alll” Reel and thare reely is Starr Schips and Cling-ons and Skotty and Captin Kurk whoo hased bin Pretending he “is” a Ackter naimed Wilbum Shattner!!! Thay “Are” alll Up Thare flyin Arowned but the guvvermint thay whil Killl yiu becuase It “is awl” Topps Seckrit!!!!!!!
The lexture gye he sayed I know “Starr” Treck” “it is reel!! Becose I SEEN Mr. SPOCK and hee done The Vulkin Mined Melled on me to re-stoar My Sannaty!!!””” Witch like toatully Prooves it!!!!!
[Editor’s Note: Yipes! I got so caught up in my book today, I completely lost track of the time and now I’m late. Almost forgot this week’s Joe Collidge. Don’t everybody howl forlornly at once.]
Whel, whoo cairs about that stopid guy And “his” stopid boock??? Heer at Collidge we got “moar” impotent things To Thinck abote!!!!
We jist fowned Out “fromb” Harverd and that is a Big Fantsy Unavoracity that nhow yiu “can has” A diffrint Gender evry Day!!!!! How grate “is” thatt??? And iff enyboddy Elsse thay get yore Pro-nown wrawng thay “are” “In” Big Trubble!!!!!!
I taiked alll themb Moth Hoarmoan shot to Tern me Into “a” wimmin and nhow It terns out I awlreddy Amb! a wimmin jist becose I saye so!!!!! In facked Harverd thay say yiu can Be “moar” Than one ginder at “the” Saimb Tyme!!!!!! Eevin gender thatt thay got “nl” naims foar Yet!!!
So i amb a “man” And aslo “a” wimmin and aslo sumb-thing Elsse!!!! Mayby i shood caul My Selff “a Schwoomin” oar “a Mumman!”!” And aslo mayby i better Stay Aweiyh fromb wautter or i mite Get pregganint!!!!! And iff yiu eet Rice Chex yiu mite “start” monstrewaiting!!!!! Is that Coool or watt???
This heer it “is” jist so Grate!!!!! Nhow we can Maik Up niew Pro-Nowns that no boddy thay evver herd Of “beafoar” and get themb punnished for Miss Gindering!!!! Didd yiu know “that” Miss Gindering it cain axully kill A Trans Person dedd??!! Thats watt thay say At Harverd!!! so it mussed be triu!!
Sow nhow i amb goingto Fyned Out “moar” Genders i can be,, thare Mussed “be” hunderds of themb Out Thare!!!!!!!!
Do you actually know anybody who suffered “trauma” because he saw or heard or read something that he didn’t like? Are college pinheads genuinely that fragile, psychologically–or is this just a scam that allows the Far Left Crazy to bully normal people?
We’re not allowed to have our history, because of course “real history” only begins with whatever Far Left douchebag happens to be speaking at the moment. So we erase the rest–and presto! Cultural amnesia! We saddle ourselves with a disability just to please these ninnies who hate us anyway.
Wel Allixanter “the” Grate he has come And gawn allreddy and meenwile “we” has a CO-Vid eemerjintsy hear “at” Collidge!!!!!!!
We has just got a No Tawking Man-Date layed “on us” by the guvverner of New Zeelind!! We “are” Not aloud to Tawk!!!!!! So we hadded a Merjintsy meating “of The” Stoodint Soviet,, althoh it reely Is harrd to has a meating wen yiu Cannot Tawk!!!!
We past a Mendmint to the Man-Date that letts us Tawk as lawng as “we Are” tawking Anty-Racist Socile Jutstus Tawk!!!! We jist has to Re-memmber to say stuph evry Tymb we whant “to Say” anny thing!!!!!
Frintstints, iff yiu Go “To The Kaffaterier” for a bole Of Play-Doh,, yiu Has gots to Say it lyke, “”Daown whith Wyte Soupramesses can i has somb Play-Doh”?” And thay whil say “”Thatll be two dollers Peeple Of Collor thay shood get Free Munny!!!!” Or say yiu “are” axing for a date–whel, wayt, nevver mined, thare isnt No “dayting” aloud no moar unlest It “is” Trans-Ginder dayting!!!!
Aslo fromb nhow On we has awl gots to has Cryptical Race Theery Traning With Climbit Chains to maik shure Our mineds “are” Rihght!!!
We seen “a” moovie The othir Nite it reely Skaired us!!!! It was A Docktomenterry awl abuot This “heer” Mummmy it was goin aruound Strangalling peeple!!!!! i forgett ware this “hapened”.”
Our prefesser she axplaned that We was al Wrawng,, “it” was The Mummmy witch was the Heero and that hole moovie it “was jist” Hat Speach aginst Mummmys!!! Racist hat speach!!!! Then we awl seen “the Lite” and o-boy we werr Mad!!!!!!! Like, themb racist Wite Souprembercysts thay “are” Going afftar yiu eevin Iff yiu “are ownly” jist a Mummmy!!!!! That is wye The Mummmy he stringled al themb peeple,, becose Racist Micro-Grecians “thay” Triggered himb!!!!!!
This heer it “is” waht hapens wen yiu alouw Racist Biggits to “say” And “do” things!!!! Heer at Collidge we are Trying to Not let themb “say” “or” “do” any things At Alll!!!
So al themb no-good peeple “That” The Mummmy he strunglled thay al De-zervd it becose “thay” werr ownly no-good Wite peeple!!! YOU WHIL KNOTICE that nun “of” themb was Peeple Of Culler!!!!!!! That prooves The Mummmy he whas NOT a Racist!! In facked “he” was Al Abote Socile Jutstus!!!!!!!!!!
So we hadded a Eamerjintzy meating “Of” our Stoodint Soviet to de-clair the Hole Campis a “Saife Zoane” for Mummmys!!!!! but none has shone Upp yet!!
(When I was in first grade–or was it kindergarten?–I got in huge trouble for drawing with crayons on the tiled wall of the vestibule, where the teacher had confined me for some minuscule transgression. I drew a picture of a bank robber carrying a bag of money out of a bank. I thought it was rather good, but the teacher called the janitor to wipe it off.)
Great News! Fumble House Pulbishers plan to publish The Calecktid Wizdumb of Joe College, if they can find someone to transcribe it after Joe scrawled it in crayon on the wall of the Trotsky Dorm’s second-floor shower room. But let’s let Joe speak for himself.
Hi its me Joe Collidge and i “amb” a Awther!!!! i has writed a Book “to Hellp” awl yiu dum and stoopid ordrinery peeple be Smart-er,, “allmost” as Smart as yiu wood “be” iff yiu wented To Collidge!!!
Wen yiu “are dun” reeding This yiu wil Under-stand that Souper Heeroes thay “are” reel and Trans-ginder it is The Fewtcher and Captiallism it is Bad and Yiu Are Awl no-good stinkin Racists!!!!!! And yiu whil “notbe” Abul To Sleeep “with” “out” a pixture of HILLARY tayped to yore Bedd!!!!!!!!! And other good stuph tooo!
Somb Hater Biggit thay “asskt” me haow cumb i “writed” “it” on the Bath Rhoomb wawl whith “Crayyons” in sted “of” Payper butt “he” jist runned A-whay wen I stratted Skreeming Racist at himb and ye,lling “foar” the Campas Dyvercity Squawd!!!! Thay cumb and give me Play-Doh “to” clam me daown!!!!!
I amb sapozed “to” Get somb Big Munny foar “this” hear Boock butt frist I has to pay themb A Thowzind Dolors butt thats OK thay tolled me “awl” awthers and wrighters thay awlyaws has To “do” That!!!!!!