Byron’s TV Listings, Aug. 19

RetroNewsNow on Twitter: "📺 'Friends' DEBUT (TV Guide, September 22, 1994)" / X

Calloo, callay, O frabjous day! Byron the Quokka here–and we’ve got a new show, brand-new: the U.N. is lending it to us, for free! Get a load of this:

8 P.M.   Ch. 08   SMARTY McSMART–News & sitcom

This is the show that has it all! Smart phones, smart refrigerators, smart cars, every smart thing you’ve heard of–Smarty McSmart has it in his smart house. And best of all, each and every one of these devices is designed and programmed to watch you and your family very closely! Just in case you make a little slip, heh-heh. This week: Smarty’s teenage daughter Smarteena (Maggie Oog) gets caught saying a Bad Thing about The Party–so it’s off to Camp Smart-O-Rama to get her mind made right. Mom McSmarty: Tim Conway.

Sounds irresistible! And here are some more selections from the menu.

7:48 P.M.  Ch. 11  FAMOUS CELEBRITIES–Game show

The show that has no interest at all in celebrities who aren’t famous and heck, you never heard of ’em–We love you, celebrities! We worship you! Host: Yersinia Pestis. Tonight’s star-studded lineup includes Gary LaFong, Magenta Smidgin, Dorothy Opplethwaite, and (of course!) Mitch Krnsich!

8 P.M.  Ch. 03   INDICT ‘EM ALL–News & pubic affairs

Public figures will think twice about running for office, if they wind up on trial if they lose! Originally a hit Public TV show in Idi Amin’s Uganda, Indict ‘Em All has also been popular in China, Cuba, North Korea, and the UK. Host: No one knows, there’s a mask and a voice distorter in play.

Ch. 14   MOVIE–Incredibly terrifying drama

In “Who’s Killing Off the June Taylor Dancers” (Canadian-Egyptian, 2008: 746 minutes), an unknown killer is picking off the June Taylor Dancers (played by themselves, some of them with walkers) one by one… even as a hypertrophied coccyx pandemic sweeps across Iceland. Can a known killer (Arnold Stang) solve the case where the incompetent police have failed? Queen Maud: Cyndy Lauper.

Whew! Almost too much to take in! I’d better go line up my snacks.

92 Quokka Eating Leaf Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Byron the Quokka, signing off! Enjoy your TV shows with tasty leaves!

Byron’s TV Listings, Dec. 18

It's About TV: This week in TV Guide: September 21, 1974

Wow! Next week, it’ll be Christmas.

Well, for the time being, chill out with edifying television brought to you by Quokka University. Meanwhile, this is Byron the Quokka, makin’ a list and checkin’ it twice!

8 P.M.  Ch. 02   THE ROCKFORD FLIES–Drama

This wildly unpopular spinoff of The Rockford Files features Professor Gecko’s Trained Flies as private investigators who get into places where a human P.I. would only attract undue attention to himself. And you’ve heard the expression, “If I could be a fly on the wall…!” This week: Buzzy (voice of Marcel Marceau) bugs a major crime figure (Don Knotts)–and gets swatted!


Alan Gzunt and his crew sneak into a house and fiddle with the computer to do all sorts of irrational and frustrating things, and a hidden camera captures the user going totally mad. The show was canceled when it was discovered that computers don’t need to be fiddled with to drive you crazy. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers.

8:15 P.M.  Ch. 11   THE TRIBE–Sitcom

What happens when a whole kooky suburban neighborhood tries to pass its people off as Native Americans so they can become college profs and U.S. Senators? C. Waddington Whitworth III: Jimmy Durante. Mrs. Tumbelina Hoskinson: Donna Douglas. Dr. H. Harrison Hormad: Roscoe Lee Brown.

8:30 P.M.   Ch. 41  DOC TARRY–Medical Adventure

Adolphe Menjou stars as the idealistic young doctor who thinks you can cure most diseases by conking the patient with a mallet–and is determined to prove it! This week: That pesky guy from the AMA (Peter Graves and Lou Piniella play the same character) is back with more questions. My Little Margie: Sophia Loren.

Ch. 62   MOVIE–Science Fiction/Romance

In Scary Aliens from the Planet Zothar (Irish-Japanese, 1998), an incredibly beautiful young woman (Moms Mabley) dying from an indescribably rare disease (Ross Martin) has to seek a cure among the Scary Aliens Who Eat Earth People (Talia Shire, Dan Rather). Featuring Vladimir Putin’s Orchestra and their trademark song, I’ll ‘Comrade’ You, Comrade!

And that, of course, is only a wee sample of this weekend’s magnificent TV… comrades! You’re gonna love those Rockford Flies, unless you’re really put off by insects. And wait’ll you see what this poor guy does when his computer keeps on hitting him with that completely incomprehensible “Unhandled Exception” notice!

Christmas Quokka Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from Dreamstime