Tag: silly TV listings

Byron’s TV Listings, Oct. 22

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

tv guide sears portrait studio 1987

Crikey, it’s almost November! G’day out there–Byron the Quokka, with another weekend’s TV viewing that’ll make you wish you could start your life all over again just so you could see these shows for the first time again… Oh, never mind! Here’s a sample.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 12  NEWS WITH RUDE NOISES–News & commentary

Actually it’s mostly commentary, as the boisterous studio audience constantly interrupts anchorman Dan Rather with an assortment of disrespectful noises that we will not attempt to describe here. Inexplicably, the show became a mega-hit and was only canceled when Rather refused to allow hard objects to be thrown at him.

Ch. 42  MOVIE–Mostly stock footage

In The Bowery Boys Meet the June Taylor Dancers at Jimmy Fraud’s Lousy Barbecue (Swedish, 1996), a safari in unexplored Africa winds up in Muesli Township, NJ, just in time for a free-for-all! (This is the film that soured the relationship between the Bowery Boys and the June Taylor Dancers and prevented a merger). Captain Queasy: Rip Torn. Mrs. Picasso: Nina Khrushchev. Song: “I Got Chiggers”

6:45 P.M.  Ch. 08  HOLD THAT U.T.I.!–Medical game show

Which celebrity guest has the most awkward medical condition? Which member of the studio audience will be sacrificed to cure it? This week’s guests: Howard Da Silva, Chiang Kai-shek, Billie Jean King, Theda Bara. With Billy Martin and his orchestra. Host: (Refuses to divulge identity).

7 P.M.  Ch. 14  ADVENTURES OF WU WEI-SHU–Western

Gunslinger Chad Votingmachine (Cy Young) searches the Wild West for the baby-sitter who stuck him with the nickname Wu Wei-Shu, “the Tail-less Rat.” If only he could remember her name, what she looked like, etc.! Sidekick: Russ Tamblyn. Moping Minnie: Some stupid idiot in a toreador’s suit. Tonight’s episode: “Heee-yahhh!”

7:07 P.M.  Ch. 63  SEMINAR: SHAKESPEARE’S SUPER-HEROES–Academic twaddle

Everybody knows those dumb comic book movies would be a thousand times better if they had Shakespearean dialogue, according to our host, Prof. Edgar Gunnysack. “Then again,” he said, “Shakespeare would be better if he’d put some super-heroes in it! I mean, have you ever sat through Two Gentlemen of Verona, or wherever it was?” This week, “Batman” gets a complete dialogue makeover (“Forsooth, young Robin, I cly thee right well–but soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” “Beshrew me, Batman! Methinks they butt together well!”) You get the idea…

All right, all right! Maybe that Shakespeare thing is a bit too much to bear! But I’m telling you, the rest is solid gold!

378 Quokka Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

Byron the Quokka, signing off!

Byron’s TV Listings, Oct. 1

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Retrospace: TV Guide #8: Feb 12-18, 1977

G’day, welcome to October! Byron the Quokka here–and have we got TV for you! No kidding–you’ll think you died and went to heaven. (Well, maybe not.) Here’s just a wee sample of this weekend’s offerings.

4 P.M.  Ch. 12  DOC MANOOJI–Western

Returning from a house call to Venus, Doc Manooji (George Windex) finds his home town of Batwurst, Arizona, populated by talking trees instead of people. It wouldn’t matter so much, only they never shut up! Mr. Larch: S. Hurok. Miss Maple: Joan Hickson. Little Elm: Ty Hardin

Ch. 19  AMERICAN PROCRASTINATOR–Game show

Contestants try to dilly-dally, dawdle, hem and haw, and fumfer their way to the great prize that hasn’t been delivered yet! Host Ed Mzee will lay out the rules, if he ever shows up. Music by those members of Marve Throneberry’s orchestra who have found their way to the studio.

4:06 P.M.  ANNOYING MOVIE–Psychological warfare

The Bowery Boys meet The Most Boring Man in India (Paul Lynd) in “Avast, Me Hearties” (Serbian, 2004), a movie that has absolutely nothing to do with any nautical subject and was only scheduled for 4:06 to irritate people. The Serbian Army planned to use this film against the Turks. Woody Strode: the Smothers Brothers. Susan Sontag: Heather Locklear.

4:30 P.M.  Ch. 03  STREETS OF HIDEOUS DOOM–Horror/mystery

A most cruel serial killer stalks the streets of Poobah, Vermont. Can the June Taylor Dancers stop him before he kills again? With only one episode, this series won the Shortest Series Award at the Project Mohole Film Festival. Mayor Piffle: Tony Blair. Mrs. Yang: Linda Blair (no relation)

5 P.M.  Ch. 31  THE SCHMENDRICKS–Situation comedy

A door-to-door salesman (John Astin) sells Penelope Schmendrick (this girl who was in my 8th grade class and then moved away) a super-pogo stick–and when Yobo Schmendrick (Lionel Barrymore) comes home from his job at the chariot factory, he finds a huge hole in the living room ceiling… with Penny’s head stuck in it! Paper boy: Fang Hsueh-ting. Papier-mache boy: William Shatner.

Well, now, that’s what I call television! In fact, I don’t know what else to call it.

Meet the Quokka

My cousin Flimzy–she’s camera-shy.

Byron the Quokka, signing off!

 

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 24

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

multiple image galleries

Yo-ho-ho, Byron the Quokka here with a weekend of spectacular TV! Here’s a little sample of what we’ve got lined up for you.

6:15 P.M.  Ch. 55  NIGHTLY GNUS–(Don’t ask)

Everything you want to know about wildebeests! Anchored by Jimmy Fraud–the absolute low point in his career. You don’t know what torment is until you’ve seen a journalist try to interview a gnu!

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 08  ALL ALONE AT THE MOVIES–Movie reviews

How about those movies that no one gets to see before they’re pulled out of circulation? Movies like Buccaneers vs. Sea Monkeys. Or The June Taylor Dancers Visit the Tomb of Svashnach the Terrible. Your hosts, Joe Collidge and Greta Thunberg, have seen ’em all!

Ch. 21  THE TWADDLERS–Sitcom with metaphysical overtones

Suddenly the Twaddlers have an extra grandpa (Felipe Alou) hiding in the closet! While Spurius (Gabby Hayes) frantically checks the family tree, Flotsam (Heather Locklear) tries to make borscht for the third grandpa before he carries out his threat to speak The Deplorable Word. King Edward III: Art Carney. The Other King Edward: Warren Oates.

7 P.M.  Ch. 16  MOVIE–Really stupid ‘Moby Dick’ wannabe

“Gimme That There Harpoon, Matey!” (Greek, 1951) was the movie that made star Otto Fungus’ career… as a bricklayer. Shot his acting career right down at once. Fungus plays Captain Jehoahaz, the fanatic who pursues a small dogfish called Roscoe but can’t catch him because, well, all dogfish tend to look like. A one-armed man (Barry Manilow) obsessively pursues Cap. Jehoahaz. Song: “Don’t Step on My Coccyx.”

Ch. 35  YOU BET YOUR LASSO!–Western drama/Game show

Before there was any technology to support such a venture, Popstone Studios introduced this “interactive Western.” Audience members were challenged to write letters to the producers suggesting where the plot should go next, and any viewer whose suggestion was used got to guest-star in that episode–usually as Marshall Pete Bazooka’s easily dispensable deputy. He also got some luggage, and a special lunch box with a secret compartment.

Well! I’ll be flabbergasted if these shows don’t give you a whole new perspective on something or other. Make sure you have plenty of nice leaves to munch!

Baby Quokka Eating Ficus Leaf on Rottnest Island Stock Photo - Image of herbivorous, eyes: 201938562

(Fig leaves are good for something besides you-know-what!)

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 17

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Retrospace: TV Guide #19: May 8-14, 1982

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–the guy thinks I can boost his readership–with super-great TV shows that’ll reduce you to a quivering ball of pleasure! Here’s a brief sample.

3 P.M.  Ch. 06   LOATHSOME GEORGE–Talk show

George puts the “nox” in “obnoxious”! Most of his guests wind up attacking him. This week: Vincent Price assaults George with an umbrella while Susan St. James pours a bucket of wet cement over his head. Featured: Genghis Khan.

Ch. 10  MOVIE–Really sappy New Age romance

A 12th-century sorceror (assorted Hanna-Barbera cartoon characters: Fred Flintstone, Huckleberry Hound, et al) falls madly in love with the June Taylor Dancers and hatches a plan to invade the 20th century and abduct them! [The exclamation point makes it look exciting!] Sgt. Renfrew: Huntz Hall. Inspector Bolus: Leo Gorcey. Song: “You Mess Up My Duodenum.”

3:30 P.M.  Ch. 22  BRZESZOUVWSKI!–Crime drama

This series only failed because no one could pronounce the title character’s name! [Enough with the exclamation points, already…] Lou Albano stars as the slovenly, mentally unstable detective inspector with a sidekick from another dimension, Mr. Fhtaagha; together they solve Phnunglwe City’s toughest crimes! [Sorry.] This week: Dr. Qxuul (Heather Locklear) looses giant poisonous spiders on the city’s dog park

3:36 P.M.  Ch. 14  ARE WE GETTING OUR JUST DESSERTS?–Public service

Nobody’s quite sure whether it should be spelled “deserts” or “desserts,” and a third school of thought thinks neither is right. Sometimes the debate gets out of hand! “It’s ‘deserts’ like in Kalahari”: Prof. Otto Mann, University of Irkutsk. “It’s ‘desserts’ like toothpaste cupcakes”: Worst-selling author Violet Crepuscular. Referee: Gordon Chang.Song: “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I’ve Got Love in My Tummy.”

4 P.M.  Ch. 46  THE HAMLETS–Shakespearean sitcom

Hamlet (Edward Platt) and Ophelia (Linda Hunt), now retired and living in the suburbs in New Jersey, don’t know what to do when a family of cannibals moves in next door! The Hamlets are invited for dinner–but they don’t whether it’s to have dinner or to be the dinner! And of course that sets Hamlet off and he launches, for the ten thousandth time, into that “To be or not to be” business. Frying pan salesman: Leslie Nielsen. Uncle Polonius: Stan Musial.

Well, how do you like that? Don’t mind me, I’ve got to find out who put in all those exclamation points. Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Quokka Facts | Mental Floss

(When I catch him, he’s gonna wish his father never met his mother!)

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 3

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Retrospace: TV Guide #7: October 21-27, 1978

Holy cow, it’s Labor Day Weekend already! Byron the Quokka here, bringing you fantastic TV shows obtained by means I must not describe and broadcast by Quokka University. Here’s a brief glimpse at the menu!

6:37 P.M.  Ch. 09  HOWLER MONKEY NEWSBRIEFS–News (sort of)

News is always more impressive when howler monkeys screech it at the top of their lungs. You’ll know it’s bad news if they start throwing things. Anchor: Dan Rather (looking to make a comeback). Screech interpreter: Casey Stengel.

7 P.M.  Ch. 00  JODI’S MYTHOLOGICAL KITCHEN–Cooking Show

The “Double-naught Network” made its debut with Chef Jodi Toady whipping up treats inspired by the more dubious aspects of Greek mythology. You’ll never be the same once you’ve tried Centaur Donuts or Medusa’s Hair Pasta (it wriggles!). Tonight: the June Taylor Dancers visit Jodi’s kitchen and have to be carried out on stretchers.

Ch.  16  CLOWN COUNTRY–Western (we think)

What if instead of cowboys, the Old West was full of clowns? Saloon doors swing open, in stomps Buzzy in his floppy shoes six sizes too big for him, and splat!–hit in the face with a pie! Mr. Turnip stars as the sheriff of Clown Town, where it’s always seltzer bottles at high noon. Tonight: Serial murderer Emmet Kelly shares his tragical story with Queen Gesundheit (Dame Judith Anderson).

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 36  AMERICA’S GOT NOTHIN’–Game/quiz show

Randomly-selected college seniors demonstrate their ignorance as host John Kerry bombards them with questions that he can’t answer, either. “How many miles in a ten-mile hike?” “Where do you live?” “What happens when you mix hot water with more hot water?” The last time they got one right was in 1996.

8 P.M.  Ch. 81  MOVIE–Adventure

In “Hands Across the Sahara” (Swiss-Numidian, 1983) the Bowery Boys, led by Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, and Jackie Chan, explore the Sahara Desert looking for a vast reservoir of 3-in-1 oil. Song: “Oh, My Poor Coccyx!” Special guest star: Morty the Giant Cicada. The only movie ever directed by Arthur Schlesinger.

Well, there you have it! Invite your friends over and have a blast, watching stuff like this. We all love that quiz show, America’s Got Nothin’–it makes even the dumbest duck-billed platypus feel smart!

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

(Hurrying home to watch the shows! Byron the Quokka, signing off)

Byron’s TV Listings, July 16

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1976

G’day! How do you like that? July is halfway over! But don’t worry, we won’t run out of great TV to liven up your weekends. And you can probably become a professional model, too–see above.

Here’s a sample of this week’s goodies.

7 P.M.   Ch. 09  THE SCARLET PIMPLE–Adventure

Saving French aristocrats from the guillotine is awfully hard to do when you’re in Kansas and it’s 1976; but it’s a lot safer, too! The Scarlet Pimple/Baron Suplex: Slim Pickens. Milady D’Anjou/Gladys Schwartz: Fay Dunaway. Man Who Thinks He’s A Newt: William Shatner.

Ch. 14   NEWS WITH DAN BLATHER–They make it up

Tonight: Dan exposes the June Taylor Dancers’ plot to take over the U.S. Patent Office. Guest commentator: Charo. Contest: “Who’s Your Favorite Medieval Persian Poet?”

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 22   JACKIE GLEASON IMITATORS, ROUND 2–Indescribable

(Honest, if I hear “And away we go!” one more time, I’ll plotz!) So far it’s Australia and China battling neck and neck, with Jamaica a close third. Too bad the team from Mauritius washed out. Play-by-play: Jimmy Fraud. Color commentary: Some guy from Egypt. Inanity: Phyllis George.

7:36 P.M.  Ch. 53   YAN CAN’T COOK FOR BEANS–Culinary arts

Walter Yan is back, “the Calamity in the Kitchen”! Tonight: Walter shows guest Catherine de Medici how to cook duck fat mixed with sawdust. Fire chief: Don Wilson. Superfluous translator: Deepak Chopra. Watch for a special cameo appearance by… well, I’ve forgotten his name already.

8 P.M.   Ch. 03   MOVIE–Martial arts musical

“Dance with the Dragon” (Chinese-Estonian, 2006) stars chess master Bubba Vyshzinsky as Master Wu, whose new kung-fu style is based on the movements of Siberian folk dancers. Dubbed into Spanish by people who can barely speak it, with incoherent music by the Xi Jin Ping High School faculty, “Dance with the Dragon” was the first movie to feature commercials throughout the body of the film.

Well, there you have it–TV that’s every bit as good as a general anesthetic!

81 Quokka Closeup Portrait Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

Be sure to share your leaves while you’re watching these shows!

Byron’s TV Listings, July 9

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

It's About TV: This week in TV Guide: September 21, 1974

G’day, humans et al! Byron the Quokka here, with fantastic weekend TV to take your minds off stupid and embarrassing news. I am running this feature solo today, Lee’s off in the Twilight Zone somewhere–well, what the heck, we’re off to the races!

6:45 P.M.  Ch. 42  EYEWITLESS NEWS–News, commentary, and lewd noises

“It’s all wrong anyway, so it might as well be entertaining!” says anchorman Etoin Shrdlu, allegedly from another galaxy. The program’s motto says it all: “Honest Fake News.” Tonight: a completely fraudulent investigation of “U.S. Senate girlie parties” held after midnight at Fong’s Diner.

7 P.M.   Ch. 21  STUPID CITY–Crime Drama

You’d think things’d be pretty dull in a mid-sized city where the median IQ is somewhere below that of a sock puppet, but you’d be wrong: stupid cops trying to catch stupid criminals means drama! Chief O’Fudge: Bernie Sanders. Mr. Big: Yoko Ono. Crooked Paper Boy: Gumby. Music by Mrs. Kinkle’s 2nd-grade class.

Ch. 46   THE PRICE IS CRAZY!–Game show

How much would you pay to get hoisted out of a pool full of piranhas? That’s what host Casey Stengel will ask contestants floundering in the pool: best offer gets pulled out first! And no going back on it, either, or you get thrown back in. [Program Note: The June Taylor Dancers will not appear at poolside anymore–not since Sondra fell in. The management apologizes for any inconvenience.]

7:12 P.M.  Ch. 31  MOVIE–(You’re asking me to describe it?)

Davy McTavish’s six-hour epic, “Daughter of the Volcano” (Scottish-Japanese, 1981), Disco Queen Irma Burma (Sharon Sharalike) falls into the mouth of a volcano and it’s up to Charlie’s Ninjas (original cast of The Beverly Hillbillies) to pull her out. Keep an eye out for the famous cameo appearance of Sandy MacQuhouon.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 07  THE FATTERSONS–Sitcom

Jay and Kay Fatterson (William Shatner, Heather Locklear), their precocious 10-year-old son, Poxie (Michael Harrington, who used to have a column), and their pet lion, Jambo, love to get involved in their neighbors’ private business! But when Jambo eats Nancy’s hideous boyfriend (credits not available), the Neighborhood Improvement Committee hires a hit man (Joel Chandler Harris).

Well, mates, there you have it–just a small sample of weekend bliss provided by Quokka University.

Quokka: [PHOTOS] This wildlife photographer's love for Quokka has made the animal an Instgaram famous star | Trending & Viral News

(This was my graduation picture. Do you like it?)

Byron’s TV Listings, April 2

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1960

Relax! April Fool is over, we can all go back to playing it straight–well, at least with TV listings.

Byron the Quokka here, with this weekend’s frustication of glorious TV. And here are just a few samples.

6 P.M.  Ch. 12  TASTE-TESTING CAT FOOD–(Indescribable)

Our panel of celebrities (who have all done something wrong, and are trying to get out of it) taste-test new brands of cat food. This week’s panel: Chuck Connors, Chiang Kai-shek, Miss America, and Queen Juliana of the Netherlands. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers in the background.

6:14 P.M.  Ch. 19  JIMMY FRAUD’S JOURNAL–Sloppy news reporting

America’s most credulous journalist interviews a man in Yimpton, New Jersey, who once saw Rachel Ray in a car somewhere. Also featured: Semifinals of the annual Forgotten World Leaders Impersonations in Tajikistan, Vermont. Great imitation of that guy Whatsisname in Indonesia!

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 06  MOVIE–Greek tragedy

In “Oedipus Wrecks” (Chinese-Hittite, 1997), the jolly Greek king (Soupy Sales) finds out he gouged out his eyes for nothing: his mother and father are still alive and well and vacationing in Acapulco, they were only kidding about being dead. Just how far can Oedipus take a joke? Oracle: Jimmy Durante. Queen Annabell: Phyllis Diller.

Ch. 32  YANCY POPGUN–Western drama

How dangerous was it to roam the Wild West armed only with a toy gun that you insist is real? Yancy (Elisha Cook Jr.) never backs down from a showdown! This week: An innocent little boy (Dan Duryea) begs Yancy to save his father (Flip Wilson) from the hangman. Judge Reindeer: A real reindeer, no joke.

7 P.M.  Ch. 116  BLINDFOLD BASEBALL–Sports

The Toronto Fizzies take on the El Paso Fragments in the new, incredibly dangerous sports sensation, blindfold baseball! (And no, we don’t want to hear any of those old jokes about umpires.) If you think batting against pitches you can’t see is risky, wait’ll you see the chaos on the basepaths. Play-by-play: Marcel Marceau   Color commentary: Gorilla Monsoon.

Well, folks, there you go! Some of that cat food that they have to taste, I don’t know how they do it…

Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

This is Byron the Quokka, signing off. Happy viewing!

Byron’s TV Listings, March 19

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Tonight's US television… in 1972 - Schedules - Transdiffusion Broadcasting System

G’day, all! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend full of fantabulous TV! Remember, some of us here at Quokka University could get in huge trouble for bringing you these shows which no one is supposed to see–and the less said about that, the safer for all concerned!

6:56 P.M.  Ch. 09   JUDGE JOOTY–Courtroom claptrap

A man sues his live-in girlfriend for shrinking him to the size of a two-year-old. Bailiff: Estes Kefauver. Jury: The June Taylor Dancers. Executioner: Tim Conway.

7 P.M.  Ch. 04   SPONKY WILSON–Sitcom

Sponky (Andre the Giant) tries to impress his date (Linda Hunt) by ordering their dinner in French–in a Chinese restaurant. Imagine their surprise when the waiter brings them a bowlful of live spiders! Mr. Chong: Desi Arnaz. Swoozy: Angela Merkel

Ch. 15   HAMMURABI’S GAVEL–Courtroom horror

Gasp in horrified astonishment as Judge Hammurabi (Joe Flynn) applies ancient Babylonian law to modern cases: Selling cigars that burn unevenly (“Burn you!”); barratry (“Don’t ask!”); identity theft (“Let’s see what’s left of your identity when the ants get through with you!”); misgendering (“Show this jidrool what happens when you waste this court’s time with crap like that!”). With Tennessee Aaron Burr and his jug band.

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 39  MOVIE–Paranormal Adventure

In “Gone With the Wind People” (Croatoan, 2002), private eye Punchy Watzinger (Kevin Branagh), slowly dying of uncontrollable dandruff, discovers the secret entrance into the Land of the Wind People. Special music by Bruce Willis. Evil Wind People: Bill Baird’s Ugly Puppets. Featured song: “My Coccyx Fell Off to One Side.”

Ch. 72   SO YOU WANT TO BE INVISIBLE!–Game show

How far will contestants go to prove to host Ray Charles that they’re invisible? Tests include 1) Walking onto a busy sidewalk in the nude, 2) giving a wet willie to the biggest biker in the bar, and 3) challenging passers-by with “I bet you can’t see me!” (and being really aggressive about it). This week’s prize: Genuine dollar-store piano.

Well, there you go–TV for the ages! Somebody told me Shakespeare wrote a play about Sponky Wilson, but I didn’t believe it. You have to get up earlier than that to fool a quokka.

Quokkas tend to invite people over for a nice home-cooked meal every so often; they'll even wait for their guests by the door to greet them as soon as they arri… |

(Sometimes Mrs. Bismuth lets us watch TV in her living room.)

 

Byron’s TV Listings, March 12

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Pin on Remember When

G’day! Byron the Quokka here. March is ripping along so fast! It’s all we can do to find quality TV to bring you on the weekend. Like these:

8 P.M.  Ch. 33   ROLLER DERBY WITH SIR KENNETH CLARK–Scandal

This is why they wouldn’t let Sir Kenneth Clark keep on hosting Civilization. He brought his erudition, charm, and urbanity to professional roller derby–where it’s totally wasted, of course, but who cares? This week: Bay Area Embalmers vs. Perth Amboy Saps.

Ch. 41   MOVIE–Horror chiller

In Dr. Fanabla’s House of Tacky Outfits (Honduran, 2002), trusting young women who agree to model his “high fashion” outfits are never seen again–until secret agent Kookla Fran (Debbie Reynolds) appears on the scene! Dr. Fanabla: Cecil Rhodes. All-Girl Rumanian hit squad: the June Taylor Dancers. Huge Stick Insect: himself.

8:15 P.M.  Ch. 09  HOW TO MARRY A PAUPER–Reality show

Join host Amenhotep III as he matches peppy society girls with older men who’ve lost all their money! It’s like a game show, group therapy, and slapstick comedy all rolled into one! Zeppo: Mikhail Gorbachev. Beppo: Tammy Grimes.

8:30 P.M.  Ch. 19  PARDON MY FRENCH!–Sitcom

Clara Bow stars as Sassy LaFong, the only French speaker in an isolated community of transplanted Cossack crossword-puzzle composers who only speak Scottish. Misunderstandings abound! This week: Igor (Jack Webb) offers Sassy a bowl of live crickets–but what she’s trying to tell him is that his house is on fire!

Ch. 56  MY SON THE HORSE’S A**–Drama

Totie Fields plays Mama Dook, whose 45-year-old son, Doozy (Redd Foxx), is a constant disappointment to her. This week: Doozy is fired from his job on the same day he’s hired–and Mama plans to behead the boss (Al Lewis). Featuring Spiro Agnew and his Jug Band.

These ought to hold you for a couple days! I never understood why Sir Kenneth Clark wasn’t announcing roller derby from the git-go. He makes it real–y’know?

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

Well, I’d better hurry if I want a good seat! this is Byron the Quokka, signing off.