To all of you who faithfully followed our advice and “stayed tuned” to see what Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, would do by way of advancing her plot–
And then never saw a blessed thing along those lines, nothing freakin’ happened–
We can only offer the most abject apology. We have a good mind to drop her from the program. “Suspense” should mean more than just not getting on with the story! If Perry Mason ever did half the stupid stuff The Queen of Suspense does, he’d be off the air before you could say Huatzachachimutzin.
It’s no good asking us poor editors what happened. We haven’t seen the updated manuscript. Last we heard, Lord Jeremy had a 20-pound accordion, the June Taylor Dancers were loose in the woods (without being–ahem!–“loose women”), and Mr. Pudding was girding his newts for battle.
It’s all in Ms. Crepuscular’s notebook–which is written in Cretan Linear A hieroglyphs and no one can read it. I’ll bet even she can’t read it.
The long and the short of it is, we’re still waiting for Chapter DCCXLIV of that national treasure of a romance novel, Oy, Rodney, we’re every bit as frustrated as you are, and for two cents I’d give up this job and take up alligator wrestling.
See what I mean? What are we supposed to do with that?
