Moby Dick – Lee Duigon

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It’s the Midwest, sometime in the 1940s, and Ralphie wants a Red Ryder air rifle for Christmas… You’ve probably seen this classic film rendition of Jean Shepherd’s A Christmas Story.

So of course they remake it, with PC and Diversity slopping over the rim, and show it on TV the other night, and it bombs (http://www.abcgifs.com/a-christmas-story-live-the-worst-musical-ever-on-tv/).

But liberals never learn from experience, and anyway they kind of like failure: so now they’re going to remake Moby Dick. An unreliable source has given us the inside dope. And I do mean dope.

In this updated Diversity version of the Herman Melville classic, the good ship Pequod sails around gathering urgent data on Climbit Change. Led by Captain Gayhab, the crew consists of women of color, disabled persons in wheelchairs, a few transgender types, and at least one representative of every nation and culture on the earth. Of necessity, the ship is rather large.

Instead of hunting the White Whale, Captain Gayhab and his Diverse crew are hunted by the White Privilege Whale who’s trying to stop the global effort to reverse Climbit Change so that everybody in the world dies and Donald Trump makes a big profit–which, with everybody else dead, he’ll be hard-put to spend.

Oh–and it’s a musical.

Image result for images of adults playing monopoly

You don’t really want to watch the Stupor Bowl, do you? After all, the NFL isn’t on your side. The NFL has lined itself up with transgenderism and We Hate America protesters. And they’ll have celebrities to curse the president that you elected.

Anyway, here are some fun things to do instead of letting yourselves be mooned by the NFL.

Invite friends or family over to play Monopoly. When my cousins and I were kids, the adults in the family used to play Monopoly and we couldn’t wait till we were old enough to play! With four or five people playing, you can very happily fill up a couple of hours. It’s not so hard that a reasonably intelligent child can’t play, but the game does reward smart thinking. Whereas a potted plant can sit there watching a football game.

Paint a bit of the wall and watch it dry. Better than watching Lady Gaga, at least.

Read. Converse. Watch a movie together. This is an ideal opportunity for what we might call “together time.” When was the last time you had a good old-fashioned natter with your wife or husband? Or anyone else, for that matter.

Break out your Erector Set and build a Ferris Wheel. I never quite managed a Ferris Wheel that didn’t fall into ruin as soon as I activated it, but I’m sure I’d do better now. If you don’t have an Erector Set, you may just have time to rush out to Toys ‘R’ Us and get one.

If all else fails, read aloud to your cat. Even that’d be better than watching anything by the National Felons League. “Okay, Fluffy, listen up, this is Moby Dick. Ready? Here goes–‘Call me Ishmael…'” The worst your cat’ll do is wash herself, fall asleep, or get up and walk away. But at least you won’t be allowing the NFL to think you support transgender bathrooms.

And of course there’s always this here blog and its vast archive of fun stuff, plus the opportunity to chat with fellow visitors.

And now, to get my metabolism cranked over, I will venture out into this rather unpleasantly cold Global Warming for a little hike up a couple of hills. Aside from that, we’ll be here all day.