Tag: Monopoly

His Rats Can Play Monopoly!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Really Bad Idea: Rat Monopoly | Monopoly, Rats, Bad

There’s a man in Xi Jin Ping City, California, who has taught his two pet rats to play Monopoly. They learned while they were waiting to vote for Joe Biden in our national election.

“Ozzie and Bozzie have gotten pretty good at this game,” says their owner, Charlie Honesty. “They can beat me almost half the time. But Bozzie has a thing about developing his property too fast, and Ozzie takes the Railroads a bit too seriously. A really smart player can skin them all the time.”

Mr. Honesty grew up on the same Indian reservation as Sen. Elizabeth Warren. “I learned a lot from her,” he recalls. “Her name was Loose Papoose back then. No one ever admitted to being her mother.”

Mr. Honesty has a goldfish who wants to go to Washington and help pass the Green New Deal. “It’s just a matter of getting her elected,” he says. “I know a lot of fictitious people who say they’d vote for her. A lot of illegal aliens, too. We all love to see a goldfish helping to shape public policy.”

His proudest moment came several weeks ago, when a lifelike cardboard facsimile of Gov. Gavin Newsom was left at his front door. Blushing shyly, he now admits, “I had him in my living room for three days before I realized that he wasn’t real! But it’s the thought that counts.”

Here the AP News story ends abruptly.

Memory Lane: The Back Porch

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Image result for images of screened-in porches

I do miss our old back porch. It wasn’t as fancy as the one in this picture. It was raised on cinderblocks with a crawlspace full of spiders underneath, and it had a nice glider on it, ideal for playing chess.

We played a lot of Monopoly on that porch, seated on the woven grass mat on the floor: perfect for a rainy summer day. In the summer I could leave my lizards out there. Or just lie down on the mat and read Rick Brant. And no trouble with mosquitoes, thanks to the screen.

Ah, paradise! I’m old enough to realize that paradise usually consists of simple things that don’t cost a lot. And if we had a porch now, a porch like our old porch, I could sit outside and write even if it was raining.

I remember my parents, aunts, and uncles all sitting on that porch, talking, laughing, smoking, just enjoying each other’s company.

I hope we have a porch in Heaven.

You’re all invited, if we do. Monopoly, anyone?

Memory Lane: Adults at Play

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Image result for images of original monopoly board

As a little boy, I watched in fascination, and not a little envy, when my aunts sat down to play Monopoly. Joan, Millie, and Gertie, usually with my mother and father joining them–and all that cool stuff going on: I used to poke around Grandpa’s house trying to find the Monopoly board, but could never guess where they’d put it.

I was used to kiddy games like Chutes and Ladders. But this game sounded all grown-up. Railroads! Houses and Hotels! And what exactly was that thing called “Community Chest”? And could that possibly be real money they were tossing around?

Eventually they bought a new Monopoly game and handed down the old game to my cousins, my brother and sister, and me. How intriguing it was, to study all those Rules and figure out how to play the game properly. Our reading comprehension still had some growing up to do, but I’m convinced it grew faster because we were so hot to play Monopoly and we just kept reading and re-reading those rules until we got them right. Or almost right.

Any of those adults could have taken over and taught us how to play, but some rare wisdom told them that it’d be a lot more fun for us if we doped it out for ourselves. It took us longer to learn the game that way, but so what? Working at it until we got it right was great!

I’m afraid that kind of wisdom’s even rarer, nowadays.

But I still love Monopoly, and I still have the game that Grandma gave me for Christmas, long ago. Complete with bills, rules, and cards scotch-taped together where necessary.

Memory Lane: Monopoly Plus

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Image result for images of monopoly board

When I was 12 years old or so, a Monopoly craze swept my neighborhood, and us kids played it every chance we got.

We soon learned that, with four or five people playing, it wasn’t always possible to acquire a Monopoly. Then, unless a big trade came through, a game could take all day without anybody winning. So we devised ways to jazz up the game–but without breaking the written rules.

First we adopted the “Free Parking Bonanza,” a well-known folk rule. Fines and taxes levied by Chance or Community Chest (“Pay School Tax of $150”–aagh!) were paid to the middle of the board, where they piled up until some lucky player landed on “Free Parking” and won all the money in the pile. This could sometimes stave off bankruptcy, or even lead to a losing player’s comeback.

But we didn’t stop there. Our most radical innovation was the “Free Ride.” As in, “If you trade me or sell me New York Avenue, to complete my monopoly, I’ll throw in a free ride for you, the first two times you land on it.” Not strictly forbidden by the rules, this often blew a game wide open. On a rainy day in summer vacation, our innovations sometimes let us play two or three games instead of just one.

Don’t sell Monopoly short: it can help teach a child how to handle money and other resources, like time. You don’t always have much choice as to where to build, but you nearly always can choose when to build. Timing your investments just right is frequently the key to victory. Timing them unwisely leads to disaster. And then there’s the choice between slowly developing a monopoly that costs a lot, but will pay a big return if someone lands on it, or quickly developing a lot of cheap properties in hopes of building up an early lead. Hint: the purple and light blue properties at the bottom of the board, plus all four railroads–I’ll take it any time. And don’t be too quick to sell a Free Ride to a player who’s already in the lead!

There’s a lot of thinking involved in Monopoly. May its popularity never fade away.

Things to Do on Stupor Sunday

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Image result for images of adults playing monopoly

You don’t really want to watch the Stupor Bowl, do you? After all, the NFL isn’t on your side. The NFL has lined itself up with transgenderism and We Hate America protesters. And they’ll have celebrities to curse the president that you elected.

Anyway, here are some fun things to do instead of letting yourselves be mooned by the NFL.

Invite friends or family over to play Monopoly. When my cousins and I were kids, the adults in the family used to play Monopoly and we couldn’t wait till we were old enough to play! With four or five people playing, you can very happily fill up a couple of hours. It’s not so hard that a reasonably intelligent child can’t play, but the game does reward smart thinking. Whereas a potted plant can sit there watching a football game.

Paint a bit of the wall and watch it dry. Better than watching Lady Gaga, at least.

Read. Converse. Watch a movie together. This is an ideal opportunity for what we might call “together time.” When was the last time you had a good old-fashioned natter with your wife or husband? Or anyone else, for that matter.

Break out your Erector Set and build a Ferris Wheel. I never quite managed a Ferris Wheel that didn’t fall into ruin as soon as I activated it, but I’m sure I’d do better now. If you don’t have an Erector Set, you may just have time to rush out to Toys ‘R’ Us and get one.

If all else fails, read aloud to your cat. Even that’d be better than watching anything by the National Felons League. “Okay, Fluffy, listen up, this is Moby Dick. Ready? Here goes–‘Call me Ishmael…'” The worst your cat’ll do is wash herself, fall asleep, or get up and walk away. But at least you won’t be allowing the NFL to think you support transgender bathrooms.

And of course there’s always this here blog and its vast archive of fun stuff, plus the opportunity to chat with fellow visitors.

And now, to get my metabolism cranked over, I will venture out into this rather unpleasantly cold Global Warming for a little hike up a couple of hills. Aside from that, we’ll be here all day.