G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with weekend TV that’ll make your socks roll up and down! I hope you’ve got popcorn and chewy green leaves handy–you’re gonna need ’em!
Here are just a few samples.
6:36 P.M. Ch. 08 THE CRUDELYS–Vile sitcom
Poppa Crudely (Jerry Manders) absent-mindedly mixes TNT with nitroglycerin and blows up City Hall–and is honored with a medal by the Palukaville Citizens Council. Mrs. Cafone: Linda Hunt. The Salamander Twins: Real salamanders that look alike. Featured: The June Taylor Dancers perform “Bang for the Buck.”
6:45 P.M. Ch. 09 HARD-HEAD CHALLENGE–Grotesque sports
Who has the hardest head? John host Matt Flimsy as contestants try to survive head-on collisions with each other. Banned and condemned by the American Medical Assn. and the Society for the Protection of Ninnies! Liable to be canceled, and the producers arrested, at any moment… so watch it while you can.
7 P.M. Ch. 51 MOVIE–(Turns some of the audience into werewolves)
In “I Live Face-Down in the Swamp” (French-Minoan, 1453 B.C. [they had to decipher the tablets first]; 646 minutes), Jimmy Stewart plays a defective robot that goes on a killing spree–and a moving company executive (Mary Stupid) falls in love with it! (The exclamation point is there because I had nowhere else to put it.) Police Commissioner: Some guy who wandered into the studio off the street, looking for his dog.
Ch. 76 THE LIFE AND TIMES OF POLECAT SIMMONS–Western drama
They don’t call him “Polecat” for nothing! This week: Polecat (Sir Anthony Fly) sparks a lethal panic when he enters a Native American sweat lodge. Capt. Wallaby: A trained octopus. Clan Mother: Barbara Billingsley. Tragical teenage lovers: Noah Beery, Dinah Shore.
How do you like that selection? I love those Minoan movies that they made thousands of years before the camera was invented!
(I wonder who left this bicycle here. Would they mind if I borrowed it?)
Byron the Quokka, signing off….