Ace reporter Floyd Kumquat, of WAOC-News, has been rushed to the hospital with his head stuck in a roach motel.
According to our sources, the veteran news anchor “was looking for evidence of Russian collusion in the 2016 election” and thought he might find it in the roach trap. “His head is just small enough to fit inside a roach motel,” a witness said. “Unfortunately, he got stuck on all that sticky stuff inside.”
If the roach motel cannot safely be removed, doctors said, it may be necessary to amputate Mr. Kumquat’s head. The operation is not expected to interfere with his ability to present Democrat-friendly news. “Happily, that’s the only kind of news we do!” said WAOC president Biden Trotsky.
Long-time employees recalled the sad case of another reporter, Gloria Infobabe, who was snapped up by a chameleon. “He thought she was a spider,” recalled Mr. Trotsky. “A lot of us thought so, too.”