Baby Sloths Galore

Everyone loves baby sloths, right? But what about those great hooked claws? Aren’t they dangerous?

Well, we don’t have any figures for humans attacked by sloths, so it’s best to see the claws as natural coat hangers, with the sloth itself as the coat.

False Fact: Perry Mason had a pet sloth named Buddy.

Danger! Sloths Ahead

The sloths in this video are nice and tame. But–! Fun False Fact: Last year in the region of Rio Pupitre in the Yucatan, at least 3,600 people were chased down and eaten by sloths. Authorities said they did not run fast enough.

Ah, well–my wife is crazy about baby sloths. Always has been. They are more than just a little bit appealing, don’t you think?

How to Rear a Baby Sloth

I know you’re out there–people who fall in love with baby sloths every time they see one in a video.

Well, the only thing for it is to get a job as a sloth keeper. For that you generally need a zoo: can’t walk into just any kind of place and ask ’em if they need a sloth keeper. Try that at Wal-Mart and see where it gets you.

It’d be nice to snuggle one of these little fellows, though…

Charming Sloths

It would be hard to imagine an animal more benign, more unthreatening, than a sloth. And even if they wanted to do you harm, they’d never be able to catch you.

If you aren’t able to count the claws, it’s still easy to tell the difference between the three-toed sloth and the two-toed sloth. The three-toed has a white mask around its eyes, and the two-toed doesn’t. Much easier to remember than “The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle.”

Endearing Young Sloths

My wife has a fondness for baby sloths. A lot of people do. They make cute baby sounds. There’s also a kangaroo in this video. Don’t ask me how that happened.

Back in the day, giant ground sloths got as big as elephants. I wonder what their babies were like.

When Sloths Attack

This is a sneak preview of When Sloths Attack. See the ferocious creatures descend from the trees to chase hapless college students who picked entirely the wrong place to camp for the weekend! And the sloths’ll catch ’em, too, because they’re like totally stoned and also out of shape. After that… Well, you’ll find out why the one sloth is smiling.

Sloths and Heavy Machinery

Well, all right, only one sloth in this compilation is trying to operate sophisticated machinery. As you can see, moving extremely slowly minimizes the risk of getting into serious trouble.

The ones with the masks are three-toed sloths; the others are two-toed.

Baby Sloth Time!

This is Edward, a baby two-toed sloth, and it’s feeding time.

There was a great 19th-century chess master, Elijah Williams, who was nicknamed “the Bristol Sloth,” but probably not because he was such a cute baby. Someone calculated that Williams, on the average, took two-and-a-half hours to make a single move.

Even Edward can probably beat that.

Video Treat: Baby Sloths

Sorry, but I’m partial to baby sloths and my wife’s crazy about them, so here they are–a couple of them learning how to climb, honing their skills at the sloth sanctuary.

Listen to the vocalizations made by these little guys. They sound almost human. They don’t wind up going off to collidge, either.