Trivial But Annoying

Here is a jidrool who managed to get himself stuck inside a trash can. Don’t let this happen to you! I mean, don’t you hate it when that happens?

I have mentioned such disagreeable suburban customs as leaving little plastic bags of dog poo everywhere, and aiming powerful floodlights at your neighbor’s bedroom window every night. Somehow these aren’t classed as microaggressions and you can’t get people to stop doing them.

Here’s another suburban cultural practice–dumping your garbage into somebody else’s garbage can.

Do they do this in your town? In my town Public Works picks up the trash once a week, so you put your full can on the curb in the evening and they empty it into the garbage truck early in the morning. Your result should be an empty can.

Often, however, by the time you come out to get the trashcan, it’s already full of other people’s fast-food packaging, leftovers, soda cans, and similar detritus. People must stop their cars and dump this stuff into the first empty garbage can they see.

This is the coarsening of our culture. This is a country full of people who never move beyond reading comic books (if they read anything at all), are still in collidge when they’re 25, obsess over how much free stuff they can get from the government, think zombies might be real, throw baby showers for out-of-wedlock  births, and throw their trash into someone else’s can. This is the fruit of public education. This is video games and text messages. This is leaf blowers.

We really could live a lot better than we do. But we’d have to do it on purpose.

A Sinister Custom in Suburbia

We have a neighbor who is the proud owner of a pair of ultra-powerful floodlights, which he leaves on all night. For weeks he had them pointing straight up in the air. What was he doing–signaling the Mother Ship! But a few days ago, he made a slight adjustment and the lights are now trained on my bathroom window.

Why?

Of course, practically everybody in this neighborhood has some kind of floodlight or other. I have had to invent some unusual ways of collecting enough darkness in my bedroom at night to permit a decent sleep. Each and every one of these floodlights is aimed out and away from the owner’s own bedroom.

The overall effect is reminiscent of German POW camps in movies like The Great Escape. Are they worried some of us are going to escape from this neighborhood, one of these nights?

What is the reason behind this peculiar and somewhat disquieting custom? Is it a cult?

If you know, please tell me.