It’s official now: Transphobia causes Climate Change.
That’s the finding of the Settled Science Institute at Fimbo University. According to project director Drogo Baggypants, “Unless transphobia is energetically suppressed by all the world’s governments, the earth’s surface temperature will rise to 600 degrees Fahrenheit in just three years. And the science is settled, so I don’t have to answer any questions you might have.”
Dr. Baggypants pointed out that no planet with a majority transgender population has ever suffered from Global Warming. “If you want to go on living,” he said, “the science says you’ve got to live trans.”
Anticipating “some minor and ineffectual criticism,” the project director said “Even a microscopic amount of dissent from this position constitutes an anti-science attitude, and cannot be tolerated.”
For a full copy of the project’s report, just whistle.