Tag Archives: silly science

Scientists Plan to Grow Neanderthal Brains and Install Them in Robots

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I nominate this for Goofiest News Story of the Year. Maybe even the goofiest story ever.

The Mirror reported this week that scientists at the University of California San Diego plan to grow Neanderthal brains in petri dishes and implant them into little “crablike” robots “to see how they learn” (https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/frankenstein-cyborg-crabs-artificial-intelligence-researchers-are-putting-neanderthal-brains-into-robots/ar-AAzi2CO).

Didn’t Peter Lorre already do this, once? Or was it Boris Karloff?

No–that screenplay was rejected. I think it was Vincent Price’s agent who called it “too ridiculous even for us.”

If in the unlikely event this story is true, the gang at UCSD ought to win some kind of award for creativity in wasting money.

P.S.–This is not a satire. It really is that ridiculous.


‘Oh, Boy! Science Finds a Way to Implant False Knowledge’ (2016)

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Come to think of it, “false knowledge” isn’t knowledge at all.

As the human race gropes desperately to get a handle on reality, the cumberworlds of Science are working on new, improved ways to teach us things that aren’t true and make us think we “know” them.

https://leeduigon.com/2016/07/05/oh-boy-science-finds-a-way-to-implant-false-knowledge/

Now they can do in a few minutes what it takes schools and television years to do. Way to go, gang. If you can’t make the world better, you settle for making it worse.

[Aside to Weavingword: See, I told you I’d use one of those medieval insults.]


As the ‘Science’ Gets Sillier and Sillier

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Are these people quite all there?

Below the disclaimer by MSN and Microsoft, we have an article from The Atlantic entitled “How Do Aliens Solve Climate Change?” (https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/how-do-aliens-solve-climate-change/ar-AAy3Ndh) I will not repeat the exclamation my wife uttered when she discovered it.

As we speak, a group of scientists (LOL) are “mapping out possible histories of alien planets” and “exo-civilizations” in hopes of gaining “insights into what might happen to us” if we continue with our “energy-hungry industrial civilization.” I dunno, it seems there’s something to be said for a civilization that makes food and housing readily available and even gives you air conditioning, to say nothing of toilet paper–but really, should those amenities be provided to us peasants?

How do they study the effects of an imaginary problem, “Man-Made Climate Change,” on something that probably does not exist? I mean, you can’t observe it–right? You can’t do that old-time science thing of studying what’s really there–not if you want to study an alien civilization on another planet.

Not to worry! All you gotta do is “build a simple model for the evolution of a civilization with its planet” and study that. You study something that exists only in your imagination. Sort of like performing a rigorous scientific study of Oz.

Can it get any sillier than this? Aw, studyin’ nature, that’s boring, man! And hard, too! We’d much rather study our own computer models that we made up.

And these people want to control our lives.

 


‘Scientist Claims He Can Bring Back Neanderthals’ (2016)

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Remember this, from just two years ago? Some yo-yo at Harvard says he can bring back the Neanderthals. (https://leeduigon.com/2016/07/21/scientist-claims-he-can-bring-back-neanderthals/)

I’m running this post again because on second viewing it’s even more impressive in its utter brainlessness, its complete moral unawareness.

If there’s anything the devil likes as much as pure evil, it’s pure idiocy.


Fight Climbit Change! Bring Back the Mammoth

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“Clone ’em, Dano!”

Say hey! Did you know there’s a Harvard Woolly Mammoth Revival Team? And they’ve got a little science project, straight out of Jurassic Park, to fight imaginary Global Warming [trumpet fanfare]–by bringing back the woolly mammoth! (https://www.livescience.com/62569-mammoth-elephant-hybrid-help-climate.html)

The project director flat-out denies they have any interest in doing what was done in the Jurassic Park movies, and then describes what they’re gonna do, which is exactly what they did in Jurassic Park and its sequels. They don’t want the whole mammoth: just the bits that resist cold. So they’ll mix mammoth DNA with elephant DNA and grow the critters in the laboratory. Psst, dude! That’s exactly how they got into all that trouble in Jurassic World!

The idea is to fight off Global Warming by turning a whole buncha mammoth-elephant-whatevers loose in Siberia to knock down the trees and trample the snow, which will keep the permafrost from suddenly thawing out because of SUVs and toilet paper and oh man oh man we’re all gonna die–!

Absent from the calculation is knowledge of what caused mammoths to go extinct in the first place, not to mention any sure knowledge of just how they interacted with their environment, and with what result. Which came first–the extinction of the woolly mammoth, or the forests that now cover much of Siberia where the mammoths used to live?

Aw, hell, we don’t need to know all that stuff before we grow a million mammoths in the lab and sick ’em on the trees.

Maybe they didn’t see Jurassic World. 


‘What Makes New Yorkers Live Longer?’ (2012)

Mayor Bloomberg’s long gone, but not really–he could always emerge as the liberal statist version of Donald Trump. As mayor of New York City, Bloomberg fell into the habit of banning everything he didn’t think was good for people. You can always count on liberal dictators to try to infantalize their subjects.

https://leeduigon.com/2012/06/19/what-makes-new-yorkers-live-longer/

If you’re living in New York (the current mayor, Warren Wilhelm dba “Bill DiBlasio”, may be seen as an incompetent Bloomberg wannabe), it only seems longer.


They’re Anti-Science!

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I was hoping I’d never have to say this, but I can’t keep it a secret any longer.

My two cats are Anti-Science. Both of them. I think a squirrel outside, when they were sitting in an open window, tricked them into being Anti-Science, but I can’t prove it, even though I know that particular squirrel is a Racist and a Biggit and a Hater.

What am I to do? My veterinarian doesn’t offer Sensitivity Training For Cats.

How do I know they’re Anti-Science? I hear you ask. Yeah, well, okay, I don’t exactly hear you. You’re probably Anti-Science, too. Anyway, I know they’re Anti-Science because they didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton for president. Every living thing that didn’t vote for her is Anti-Science. And must be punished!

These cats pay absolutely no attention to The Scientific Search for the Transgender Gene, or Scientific Proof That It Rained on the Rocks and the Rocks Came Alive, or Teaching 13-Year-Old Kids to Abstain from Sex Will Make Them Pregganint, or Climbit Change It Is Caused by Religion And It Will Kill Us All Unless We Give the Government Lots of New Powers And All Our Money. You can’t get them up for any Science at all.

Where in the Constitution does it allow you to be Anti-Science?


New York Times: Teens Not Having Sex Is ‘Anti-Science’

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Well, now I’ve heard everything.

The New York Times, once the cheerleader for Stalin, says it’s “anti-science” to encourage teenagers not to have sex until they’ve finished school and are emotionally ready for a long-term commitment ( http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2018/05/07/new-york-times-teaching-children-delay-sex-anti-science/). The Times editors say that “defies all common sense.”

They wouldn’t know common sense if it ran up and bit them in the butt.

The Times excoriates the Trump administration for backing efforts to promote abstinence as pregnancy prevention and a sure way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.

Gee, you mean it isn’t? Like, how are you supposed to get pregnant or get an STD if you don’t have sex?

Maybe by reading the New York Times.


‘We’re Living in Jurassic Park’ (2015)

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(“Who’ve they got in there? King Kong?”)

Famous last words: “We’ve got it all under control!”

Remember Jurassic Park?  Hey, we’ve got the money, we’ve got the technology, we can do anything and everything we want!

https://leeduigon.com/2015/09/06/were-living-in-jurassic-park/

Only it never quite works out that way, does it?


‘Today’s Howler–Sun-Gazing’ (2015)

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We don’t expect to find twaddle like this in “Natural News,” but one fine day in 2015, there it was: we can end world hunger by adopting the habit of gazing fixedly at the sun.

(https://leeduigon.com/2015/05/25/todays-howler/)

Sheesh. There was a Father Brown story about a sun-gazing cult. Here it’s A Wise Yogi From India. The author of the Father Brown stories, G.K. Chesterton, said that once people give up believing in God, they don’t believe in nothing: they believe in anything. He was right.


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