Tag: silly science

What Makes People Fat? (You’ll Never Guess!)

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That seesaw got a workout. @jackgiberson #fatguysdoitbetter | TikTok

Discrimination drove them to it! Ask the Science.

I know–you’re probably thinking “some combination of too much food and not enough exercise,” that’s what makes people fat.

But Science says you’re wrong!

“Experiencing discrimination” is a major factor in obesity (https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/discrimination-may-disrupt-brain-gut-talk-raising-risk-obesity-study-f-rcna118558). Science says so, and Science is always right! Unfortunately, the article from NBC News does not make it clear who performed this survey.

Next question: what do we do about it?

Government action, of course! Another job for government! Get rid of discrimination “through policy changes”!

“More government” is the answer to every human woe. Government policies based on Science: could anything be more wise? More certain of success? No way!

Now, thanks to Science, we have discovered that when people are feeling low, they reach for comfort foods.

Uh, wait a minute… Did we already know that?

“‘Lost on Venus’ Is… Lost’ (2016)

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Lost on Venus - Carson Napier Faces the Supermen and Super-Monsters of Amtor. Ace Books # 49501, Circa 1960. Frank Frazetta Cover by Edgar Rice Burroughs: Very Good Soft cover (1935) | Singularity Rare & Fine

In the 1930s, The Settled Science was “eugenics”–the art of breeding human beings like livestock until all flaws and defects were bred out of the gene pool and you had nobody left but supermen and superwomen. Anyone who questioned it was laughed out of the room.

Was Edgar Rice Burroughs, the creator of Tarzan, buying it?

‘Lost on Venus’ is… Lost

The internal evidence in his writings strongly suggests he did buy into this stuff… Except for the fact that he knowingly made the entire Venusian system of super-science to rest on a joke. The whole basis for the Venusians’ all-wise, all-right all the time science is… a joke!

So maybe ERB was having a laugh on everybody. I wouldn’t put it past him.

‘Poll: 1 in 4 Would Date a Robot’ (2016)

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Would YOU date a robot? One in four claim they would | Daily Mail Online

There are any number of naughty jokes that spring to mind, upon viewing that headline. What it boils down to is a lot of idiots who say they’d like “a relationship” (oh, mercy! please tell me this is just a dream!) with a robot… as long as it was a good-looking robot.

Poll: 1 in 4 Would Date a Robot

“Well, yeah, I’d love to have a relationship with a blender, as long as it was really good-looking blender…” Or toaster-oven, water cooler, or floor lamp. Take your pick.

Humanists won’t be happy till they erase the human race.

‘Have the Space Aliens All Died Out?’ (2016)

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Has anyone observed this? It’s supposed to be from Venus.

What’s Step One of the scientific method? “Observe nature”–right?

Step Two, so it seems, is “If you don’t see what you expect to see, and desperately want to see, then obviously it just ain’t there anymore and it’s probably because of SUVs or something.”

Have the Space Aliens All Died Out?

We couldn’t find any ETs, so they must’ve gone extinct. Or else we just haven’t looked in the right place.

Try the next Democrat Convention.

‘Are You Ready for “Smart Chips”?’ (2019)

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Smart Larry with red accent – hand puppet – ewoolacraft.com

Just add Smart Chips, and you’ve got a genius here!

Can bumbling puffed-up dindles invent technology that will make them super-intelligent? Will John Kerry and Joe Biden become true philosopher-kings?

Hint: No.

Are You Ready for ‘Smart Chips’?

Do they really, truly believe that regurgitating content from Wikipedia makes you intelligent? (Hint: Yes.) Well, I said they were dindles, didn’t it?

But when it comes to “Artificial Intelligence,” it’s damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead… until suddenly you hit the rocks.

Scientist Finds Extra Brain!

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1,013 Small Brain Big Brain Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

It used to be thought–and in some quarters, still is–that the Stegosaurus had two brains, one in the head and one in the tail. Stegosaurus is extinct (so much for his two brains!); but now a scientist says he’s discovered that we have two brains, too.

Dr. Mandy Lifeboats, at Candelabra College, location unknown, announced his discovery at a testimonial dinner for someone who didn’t deserve it.

“Our second brain is relatively tiny–about the size of a BB,” he said, “and it’s located inside the coccyx… which, by the way, is also called ‘the tail bone.’ I found it quite by accident.” He did not describe the accident.

Brain No. 2, he said, “Is mostly dormant, it don’t really do nothing. It’s just there.” (A colleague who was heard to grumble, “That’s because it really is a BB!” was escorted out of the cafeteria.) “But imagine if it could be induced to function like the main brain that’s in your skull somewhere! Taking prodigious amounts of drugs would probably do the trick. And of course we all know certain famous individuals whose main brains have been totally dormant for years. We’ve all wondered how they get by. Well, that’s when the second brain kicks in!”

Habitually sitting on the auxiliary brain, he added, “most likely is what keeps it dormant. Go a few weeks without ever sitting down, and Brain No. 2 might spontaneously become functional.”

The professor is now looking for volunteers to test that hypothesis.

‘Creeping Twaddle’ (2018)

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Image result for images of mother goddess statuette

I run this post now and then because it’s such a perfect example of the kind of wishful thinking and sheer silliness that has permeated “science” in our time.

Creeping Twaddle

Yowsah, yowsah, the Feminist Golden Age! Without a single inscription to back it up. We don’t need no stinkin’ inscriptions–we’re Woke archaeologists! This is almost as good as the short-lived “discovery” of Muslim Vikings. And the “gay caveman.” Who ever dreamed the remote past could be so obliging?

Once you’re set free from evidence, the sky’s the limit.

‘Hooray! “Gay Caveman” Discovered!’ (2015)

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Science marches on!

They’d sell their mothers to the vivisectionist if they thought that’d get them the “gay gene” they’ve been searching for so frantically. But in the meantime, this will have to do:

Hooray! ‘Gay Caveman’ Discovered!

Even allowing the, uh, “discovery” to be real, how do they know this poor caveman was “buried as a woman”? Someone leave behind a book of funeral customs from umpteen thousand years ago? And maybe a fashion catalog to go with it.

They don’t know anything.

This just want this “gay” thing to be true: want it so badly, it keeps them awake at night.

I’d rather not ask why.

‘We’re Doomed! (Again)’ (2019)

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See the source image

Hang onto your hats, boys ‘n’ girls, and don’t send out your laundry!

It’s official: The Science at the University of Alaska says the fun’s over, we’re finished–if things keep goin’ the way they’re goin’, the whole giant Greenland ice-cap will melt down and drown us all!

By the year 3000.

We’re Doomed! (again)

Oh, if only we’d given much more power to the government! Alas and alack, Bernie Sanders was right! Al Gore was a prophet! An all-powerful government would have saved us… but no, we had to have our stupid freedom! See what happens to people who don’t listen to Science?

Oh, No! We’re Eating Too Much Protein!

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Remember these? What do you want to bet the WEF will try to bring them back? For us, of course–not for them.

Here come da Science! Here come da Science!

So dash it all, we’re eating too much protein, Scientific American says (https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/4082031/posts), and we’d better stop because our pee has too much nitrogen in it and it’s polluting our water and there’s too many of us eatin’ too much protein… [Pause for hyperventilation]

We thought they just wanted us to settle for bug-burgers and cricket loaf, but it turns out that bugs and lentils etc. also contain protein and we’re peeing out too much nitrogen… but not to worry! We’ve got options.

1) Stop peeing.

2) Just don’t eat protein. Well, hardly any. Candy’s just as good for you as beef, according to Scientists.

3) Kill off half the human race. World Economic Forum describes most of us as “useless eaters.”

Whichever option we choose, growing the government into an all-powerful behemoth is an indispensable part of the plan. “Resistance is futile” has to be more than just a slogan!

And anyone who disagrees with Science should be beaten senseless.