Tag Archives: silly science

Are We ‘Summoning Entities Into Existence’? (Hint: No)

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H.P. Lovecraft with one of his imaginary playmates

The CEO of Kindred A.I. the other day ruffled some feathers by warning that “tech developers are summoning entities into existence” (https://clarion.causeaction.com/2019/09/17/ai-expert-says-we-are-summoning-robot-entities-who-will-treat-us-like-ants/).

Say it ain’t so!

Warns the CEO, these “entities” will be (or already are) as indifferent to us as we are to ants: “they’re way smarter than every single person in this room, in ways that we can’t even comprehend.” Well, gee–not knowing who was in the room with him when he said that, we can only speculate. I mean, if it was Joe Biden and Rosie O’Donnell, he had a great chance of being right.

These scary entities that we’re going to summon into existence, he said, are “like Lovecraftian The Great Old Ones…” Those were monsters in H.P. Lovecraft’s fantasy/horror stories. Not intended to be taken seriously. We wonder whether Mr. CEO quite understands that.

Sorry, dude, but Shakespeare got in before you. He even got in before Lovecraft. Henry IV Part I, Act III, Scene 1.

Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.

Hotspur: Why, so can I, and so can any man. But will they come when you do call for them?

(Why do I think I hear someone crying, “Call for Phillip Morris”?)

See, beings either exist or they don’t. No yo-yo down here on earth can summon them into existence. We already have inborn human depravity and hosts of malevolent spiritual beings turned loose on us by Satan. What can some clowns with computers add to that?

HPL was only kidding; but this guy at Kindred is nuts.

Famous Vet Says: ‘Worm the Planet!’

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“There’s nothing wrong with Planet Earth that a jolly good worming won’t cure!” declares Dr. Romulus Stunata, widely celebrated as the “Veterinarian to the Stars.” Which stars, we are not told.

“Look, it’s simple,” he explained. “Your dog gets worms. Your cat gets worms. And you can get worms, too, if you don’t watch out. Well, Mother Earth has worms! So she’s got to be wormed.”

A global effort, he continued, must be mounted to accumulate colossal quantities of veterinarian worming medicine “and then just pour it into the earth. If that hole they drilled for Project Mohole is still there, use that. Otherwise, pour it down caverns, mine shaft, oil drilling shafts, and any bottomless pits that might be handy.”

“And then,” he added, “stand back! Because there’s going to be an awful lot of worms come squirting up from the depths of the planet. So stand back from caves, wells, manholes, oil wells and drilling platforms, and all the rest. The planet is going to expel hundreds of thousands of tons of worms! And some of them will be bigger than you ever imagined was possible.”

Most of the earth’s worms, he said, will probably die as soon as they’re exposed to sunlight. “The rest will probably have to be shot or something.”

“It’s all them worms that are causing Climate Change, hurricanes, volcanoes, earthquakes, and pantophobia,” said Dr. Stunata. “But take it from me–if it works for your cat or dog, it’ll work for Momma Gaea.”

Conservative Gene Found!

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Scientists at Settled Science University have discovered the gene that makes people conservatives.

In a grueling two-day study jointly funded by George Soros and a local panhandler named Bob, scientists have identified a gene which they have named “Gene.” When stimulated by Climate Change, Fox News broadcasts, or too much butter in a dish of pastina, Gene the gene “makes people turn to the biggitry we know as conservatism,” says the study’s leader, Dr. Alexa Bathmat.

“All human beings are genetically political progressives,” she explained. “But when Gene the gene kicks in, it all goes haywire.” The scientists on her team are looking for a cure, she says, but because this gene is located primarily in the coccyx, “It makes it kind of hard to get at.”

Until a cure can be found, the scientists have recommended that in any future elections, Republican votes should not count.

“And as a bonus,” Dr. Bathmat added, “having only one political party is a major step toward true Diversity and Social Justice.”

Another Brilliant Idea! ‘Predictive Policing’

Image result for images of marty the robot

Maybe Marty the Supermarket Robot could moonlight as a crimestopper.

If police were to arrest and jail you because some fortune-teller peered into a jar of Miracle Whip and announced that you were about to commit a crime, you would surely feel yourself ill-used.

But if a robot using “Artificial Intelligence” predicts it, well, that’s different (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-7287341/AI-experts-release-statement-slamming-predictive-policing-digitizing-stop-frisk.html). It’s scientific!

See, they want to use “pre-crime algorithms” to know who’s gonna be bad so that they can bust him before he does it. Never mind the critics out there, most of whom are described as scientists, who call the whole thing “useless” and warn that it might lead to “mass incarceration” of people who haven’t yet committed the crimes they were jailed for.

The critics point to statistics that show that really very few people go out and commit a new crime while awaiting trial for an earlier offense. Another arrest–well, it looks bad. It might make it really hard to get bail. Judges don’t like to grant bail to persons who have just been busted for yet another crime. You can see their point.

Meanwhile, listen carefully… There is no such thing as “Artificial Intelligence.” There is only whatever human intelligence, or lack thereof, that goes into programming the computer. Algorithms are human creations–and therefore eminently fallible.

Would it help if they programmed the robot to say “I’m sorry”?

(Ooh, ooh, I know! Why not just lock up everybody! Robots could guard them and keep them from escaping. Good idea?)

‘Another Darwinian Fairy Tale’ (2016)

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So this is “science,” eh?

Well, it must be! Because it’s coming from a university!


See, with Climbit Change raising the sea levels so that everyplace gets drownded, the human race will have no choice but to Evolve into the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

And we want to be ruled by these people because_____?

Beware! Robot Can Generate Fake News

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Their next invention: a robot that lets the air our of your tires and runs away

This has got to be the most superfluous invention of them all–an “Artificial Intelligence” (AI) system that can detect fake nooze created by other artificial intelligence systems… and also create fake nooze itself (https://futurism.com/ai-generates-fake-news).

Do they really think CNN needs any help in whipping up fake nooze?

Scientists at the University of Washington have programmed computers to do what so-called “real journalists” are already doing every day–creating and airing stories that simply aren’t true. Trump’s a Russian agent. Jussie Smollet was attacked by white supremacists. Covington High School kids picked on some poor old Native American war hero. Those stories were all fake nooze, not a word of truth in them: but each in its turn dominated the nooze cycle.

If there was ever anything that didn’t need inventing, it’s got to be a machine that tells lies.

We’re Doomed! (again)

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(“We are so ****ed…”)

I hope you’re sitting down for this.

According to research by the University of Alaska, “If the current rates of greenhouse gas emissions remain unchanged,” the vast isle of Greenland may be ice-free–

–By the year 3000! (https://www.accuweather.com/en/weather-blogs/climatechange/greenland-ice-sheet-could-completely-melt-out-by-the-year-3000/70008659)

Alas, alack, and welladay! Game over, man! Why, that’s only… only [breaks out calculator; hands trembling, drops it, picks it up, drops it again]… Good grief! That’s only 1,900 years from now! Everything’ll wind up underwater but the Himalayas!

Well, like, s***, that settles it–all power and all money to a global government, and maybe, just maybe, they can save us! Otherwise when the year 3000 comes around and you find yourself standing around without a lifeboat as the water level rises to your eyeballs–and that’s with you standing on the roof!–don’t blame the government. We told you we had to have absolute power over everything and everybody! We told you we had to have all your money! But you wouldn’t listen! You wouldn’t listen to Science! And now you see what happens to people who won’t listen to Science.

Pack your water wings, folks! It’s gonna get mighty wet in just another 19 hundred years.

Do We Need a Human Brain in a Monkey?

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There is no one who doesn’t want scientists to find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. But so far there has been no cure; because the animals whose brains they study just really aren’t similar enough to human brains to be worth that much.

So what we need, say scientists in Canada and China, and at Yale, is to inject human tissue into a monkey’s brain to make it much more like a human brain (https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/it-just-really-ethically-scares-me-caution-urged-as-scientists-look-to-create-human-monkey-chimeras)… And honk if you think this is a good idea.

See, they need a “better” animal to study, to experiment on. They are thinking of “biologically humanizing a large portion of a monkey’s brain.”

Uh-huh. And when the monkey turns around and sues you, what then? Like, just how human do you want to make the monkey’s brain? And is that really the sort of thing a righteous person does? Really?

Close observation of human patients–wouldn’t that be better?

Maybe–but not as much fun  as playing Frankenstein with monkey brains.

‘Let’s Make Robots That Evolve!’

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“I think my toaster-oven has fallen in love with your hair dryer…”

It’d be funny if it wasn’t so destructive to sanity: “scientists” saying, with a straight face, “Let’s prove Intelligent Design is wrong by designing robots that evolve!”


Unknowable wondered if these announcements are only there to generate publicity and hopefully attract funding. Science as hoopla. Well, it pays to advertise.

I’ve been wondering why the Drudge Report re-publishes so many of these stories. They usually turn out to be tripe.


Mr. Nature: The ‘Tyrannosaur Petroglyph’

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So you look at this thingy carved into the sandstone wall of Havasupai Canyon, Arizona, and what do you see? I’m afraid I see a prehistoric Droodle: “Worms evicted from apple, trying to move into an olive.”

But a lot of people, over the years, see something astonishing. They think this is a depiction of… a Tyrannosaurus rex.

I’ve read about this petroglyph for years, but never until now saw a picture of it. I was expecting something that at least sort of looked like a tyrannosaur. This ain’t doin’ it for me: and once upon a time my favorite comic book was Turok Son of Stone, about a couple of Indians who stumble into a canyon where dinosaurs still live. I really wasn’t going to be that hard to please.

How many creationists have written of this petroglyph as proof positive that humans and dinosaurs lived at the same time? How many have triumphantly declared that this totally overthrows Darwinism? (Hear me out, guys–I’m on your side.)

But the drawing doesn’t look like anything.

Darwinism is indeed silly, but not because of any petroglyphs. You can’t reconcile the deep conservatism of DNA with the idea that one kind of animal “evolves” into another.

God created dinosaurs, and God removed them from the earth. Why? We don’t know. The Bible tells us everything we need to know (as Rev. Mark McCreary says), not everything we’d like to know. God has left us plenty to find out on our own. All we can say for sure is that if there are any dinosaurs alive today, we don’t know about it.

We have to do better than this petroglyph. It is not proof of anything. For all we know, the thing the artist was trying to draw was no bigger than the drawing itself. He might’ve even magnified it. But I am sure I could’ve drawn a more convincing tyrannosaur than that when I was five years old.

This is not to be confused with the art we find in Ice Age caves, which depicts living (at the time) animals realistically and with great skill that wasn’t matched again until high civilizations had developed… or been re-developed. So much about the deep past that we don’t know! We give God thanks for providing us with so much to investigate.

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