Tag Archives: silly science

November 19, 2019

Transphobia Causes Climate Change

By leeduigon

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It’s official now: Transphobia causes Climate Change.

That’s the finding of the Settled Science Institute at Fimbo University. According to project director Drogo Baggypants, “Unless transphobia is energetically suppressed by all the world’s governments, the earth’s surface temperature will rise to 600 degrees Fahrenheit in just three years. And the science is settled, so I don’t have to answer any questions you might have.”

Dr. Baggypants pointed out that no planet with a majority transgender population has ever suffered from Global Warming. “If you want to go on living,” he said, “the science says you’ve got to live trans.”

Anticipating “some minor and ineffectual criticism,” the project director said “Even a microscopic amount of dissent from this position constitutes an anti-science attitude, and cannot be tolerated.”

For a full copy of the project’s report, just whistle.

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just for Fun, satire

November 15, 2019

Woke Meddasin!!

By leeduigon

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Sumbtimes it is a drag hasing Moth Antenners whitch i got affter thay “shotted me” Up with Moth Hoarmoans to i can be a trans Wimmin but it Didnt Work and so i “got” theez hear Antenners and aslo i can eet jim sox “and” Hankerchifts!!

Wel whe had a grate Lexture to day “in” Nothing Studdies al abuot Woke Meddasin whitch wee kneed Becose “thare” isnt not enuohgh Wimmin Of Culler and Minorites being dockters “and” sturgeons and we has to got Mutch moar “of” themb for Divercity and Sustanabbilty!! And”the”” whay “yiu lern Meddasin and Sturgery” “is jist bye Doing It” thats whatt the lexturer she sayed!!! “So whoo whants to Vollinteer to trye somb Sturgery?” she askeded and Evry “boddy” thay razed thare Hands!!!

She picked out Fyve 5 of themb and hadded themb push a cupple desks Togetther,, “And nhow wee nead a Pashint!!” And wood yiu beleaveit??? She pickted Me!!! “Come Up “hear” and lay dhown on theez hear deskses and wee wil Do “somb” Sturgery on yiu!!”” Wel i waznt Shure i whanted no sturgery but thay al grabded me “and” holed me dhown “On” themb deskses!!! and then she Reetched into a Bag and taked out a Hatchit!!! “This it is yore luckky Day we Are goingto Ampatate themb stopid Antenners!!!!!”

Of corse i was a Litle bitt affrayed but she taked out a botle and she sayed this hear “it is a Anna Settick al yiu got to Do “is” Drink this And yiu woont feal a Thing!” butt wen she taiked the top off The Botle i gess I panicked becose that stuf it smelt jist Like cat Pee and i didnt whant to Drinkit butt she maid themb holed me “down” and grab my Nose to maik me Oppin my mouth so she Cood “pore” it into me!!! and thenn one of the stodents was sposed to taik “The” hatchit and Chop Off my Antenners!!!!!!!!!!

Yiu cant eevin Imajjin how re-leafed i was wen The Bell it ringed!!! and evry “boddy” thay hadded to “go to” thare neckst Classs!! and i runned aweiay!! That “was” “a” awfful Close Cawl!!!!! i amb like Totilly “in” fayver of Woke Meddasin but i jist whaznt reddy “four” this!!!

5 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just for Fun, Public Education, satire

November 13, 2019

Become a Climate Scientist! Only $29.95

By leeduigon

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[Editor’s Note: Our Chewy cat foot delivery has been uncharacteristically delayed. Chewy says the problem is with Fedex, and severe winter weather around Memphis, TN, all but shutting Fedex down. It is unknown whether the cause of this latest Climate Change/Global Warming episode is transphobia or racism.]

Now you, too, can be an Offishal Climate Scientist, just like Jane Fonda! With the Jane Fonda “I ‘R’ A Climate Scientist” Fun Kit, you can be up and running in just two hours!

Each kit includes:

*A list of hit Hollywood movies you can say you were in

*A “12 Years to the End of the World” calendar

*Angry bumper stickers you can paste onto people’s cars at night

*3 bottles of genuine Artificial Sweat

*A Michael Mann Hockey Stick T-Shirt

*15 Real Computer Models that you can study instead of wasting time studying nature

*A WWII surplus hand-cranked Air Raid Siren to drown out Climate Change Diniers

—And, for just an extra $39.95: A pair of Offishal Go-Go Boots just like Jane Fonda’s!

Order now! And who knows? You might wind up on TV!

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in satire, science news

November 11, 2019

So Who Signed the Freakin’ Thing?

By leeduigon

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Last week we were told “11,000 climate scientists” signed a “declaration of climate change emergency,” stating we’re all doomed unless we do everything they tell us to–including some unspecified scheme for reducing the human population of the earth (https://leeduigon.com/2019/11/07/the-sky-is-falling-again/).

Eleven thousand “climate scientists.” Wow. But–! If you wanted to know who, exactly, signed this document, you’re out of luck.

It came out on Tuesday, and on Thursday, access to the list of signatories was blocked–by whom, we aren’t told. But whoever it was did admit that at least one of the reasons they blocked access to it was because… well, Mickey Mouse and Harry Potter signed it. Along with some other characters who don’t exist.

(“We are the merry Mouseketeers/ playing on imaginary fears…”)

What–no Jane Fonda? She at least is real. I guess. And she says she’s a climate scientist. How do her credentials stack up against Harry Potter’s?

Ungodly people who say there’s no such thing as truth in the first place are hardly likely to tell the truth when they’re trying to stampede you into giving them a global government. When they seek their god, they look in a mirror.

Now we are at liberty to ask, “Just who is a ‘climate scientist,’ anyway? What were the criteria for being allowed to sign the declaration? How far out to lunch did you have to be before they wouldn’t let you sign it?”

The truth is not in them, and their climate crapola is nothing but a false religion.

6 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in news, science news

November 8, 2019

Will Our Robots Murder Us?

By leeduigon

Image result for images of boris karloff as frankenstein

(Thanks to Susan for the nooze tip)

During a recent Q&A session on Reddit, “famed futurist” Michio Kaku–sorry, but I never heard of him–warned that robots will “evolve” to the point where they might harbor “murderous thoughts” toward us humans (https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/world-news/michio-kaku-robots-artificial-intelligence-16849050).

Sheesh, look at all the trouble we had with Frankenstein–and that was only one artificial human.

Anyway, Mr. Kaku says Artificial Intelligence in robots will just keep getting smarter and smarter until robots threaten to “replace humans” and then, he babbles, we’ll have no choice but to “merge” with robots. Then we can have Artificial Intelligence, too!

And this is all supposed to happen, it seems, by itself–without some fool programming a robot to have murderous thoughts toward humans. I guess they’re going to program themselves, a la Jet Jaguar in Godzilla vs. Megalon. Image result for images of jet-jaguar in godzilla vs. megalon  See? As big as Megalon! “He must have programmed himself to do that,” muses the inventor.

Gee, have the movies got this covered, or what?

Is naturally-occurring stupidity in such short supply, these days, that we need to manufacture Artificial Stupidity? Like, why in the world would anybody build a robot that goes around killing people willy-nilly? Well, yeah, probably there’s somebody who would do just that. To Save The Planet or something.

I’m afraid I’ve missed a lot of dozy robot stories since the Drudge Report became the Democrat cheering session and we dropped it for Rantingly.

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in science news

November 3, 2019

Not a Satire–He Really Is That Stupid

By leeduigon

Image result for images of stupid andrew cuomo

So there’s New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo on MSNBC a few days ago, masquerading as a normal human being. But of course the truth slipped out, as soon as he said “We didn’t have hurricanes” (or tornadoes or “superstorms”) before we had Climate Change, and, like, it would be “delusional” for anyone to disbelieve in it (https://pjmedia.com/video/andrew-cuomo-we-didnt-have-hurricanes-before-climate-change/).

Yeah, it’s the same Gov. Andrew Cuomo who tried to pass himself off as an illegal alien a year or two ago, and whose political creed is, “America was never that great.”

Living proof that no one’s too stupid to be governor of New York.

Anyway, there it is–liberalism in all its glory. No such thing as truth, no such thing as facts, no such thing as history. Say whatever you think it takes to get your way, and use brute force to silence your opponents.

What’s anybody’s excuse for voting for this man?

5 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in news

November 1, 2019

‘Science’ and ‘Diversity’–Oh, Boy!

By leeduigon

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“To think is to group-think!”

A “Diversity and Climate Survey” of members of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology recently found some 90% of the group’s members self-identified as liberal, with less than 5% as conservatives (https://www.jamesgmartin.center/2019/11/blinding-themselves-the-cost-of-groupthink-in-social-psychology/). Remarked an observer, the SPSP “does not live up to its diversity values.” Ya think?

The survey also found that about a third of American “scholars” (LOL) thought it permissible and right to discriminate against conservatives in hiring.

What–is “Settled Science” just whatever it is that “everybody” thinks? And can we say, of any place or institution, that the more diversity is preached, the less diversity is found?

Yes and yes.

According to the Free and Independent Society of Academics Who All Have Exactly the Same Opinion on Every Conceivable Subject, you just can’t do psychology or any other science unless you’re way left of center. The society’s motto, “To think is to group-think,” pretty much sums up what “science” is all about, these days.

Just how intelligent are our intellectuals?

And are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in news, Pop Culture

October 25, 2019

the Evilusion Of “the’ Humbing Bird Moth!

By leeduigon

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Some guy he “is” Not in Collidge so he dont know anny thing,, he hased changlled me to explane “The” evilusion Of The humbing Bird Moth and i amb a eggspurt on “this” becose i has been shooted Up “whith” alll themb Moth horemoans in facked I has moth Antenners on my fourhead!! Fore a litle wile thare i was wherried i mite wind up “like” Vintsint Price in The Fligh only i gess That “is” “not” goingto hapen!!

It “is” Ovvius to anny one whoo Is a Interllectural that ether the humbing Bird Moth it Evolved “in to” The Humbing Bird oar elss the Humbing Bird it Evolved In To the Humbing bird Moth!!!!Ether way that “is” watt hapens and it taiked a billyin yeers give “or” taik a fiew!!!!

Haow dose It hapen?? Wel thats eezy!! it “is” a cumbinnasion of Natchrul Sellecksion and Muteacions cuased “by” Kozmick Ray,, one of themb rays it Gets “Looose” and hits some aminal’s jeans and cuases theeze hear “litle Tiny” Chainges and affter a cupple milyin of those yiu has a Campleatlie Diffrint Creeture!!!!!!

Watt “is” “Not” “so” eezy to figgur Out is witch come Firsst the Humbing bird Moth oar “the” humbing Bird!! To fined oaut this yiu has got “to” wholed a Sayonce!! Butt it “is” eevin moar Affishant jist to keep chaingin the Settlled Scyience back And forth fromb One To The otther that whay yiu whill awlyaws Be rihght at leest haff The Timeb!!!!!! and nhow i gess that gye he “is” sari he taiked me “on”!!!!!!!!!!

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just for Fun, Public Education, satire

September 25, 2019

Today’s Worst Idea

By leeduigon

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Betcha never knew you had a monster hiding out up there!

Who’s writing these headlines? Like this one: “Brain chip created for US soldiers to take out enemies with their minds.” ( https://endtimeheadlines.org/2019/09/brain-chip-created-for-us-soldiers-to-take-out-enemies-with-their-minds/)  What exactly does that mean?

Well, according to the article I read, they’ve developed a “brain-computer interface strip” that will enable soldiers “to control equipment with their thoughts.”

Uh… Are we sure we want to do that? What if the soldier develops some, er, unusual ideas about what that main battle tank should do? Didn’t any of these people ever see Forbidden Planet? Don’t they know what happens if the id is allowed to impact directly on the physical world?

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

There are an awful lot of not-so-nice things floating around in the hearts and subconscious minds of fallen human beings. Let’s not couple it with power.

11 Comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in news, science news

September 23, 2019

‘Artificial Priests’? Really?

By leeduigon

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Toward a truly artificial you…

First off, what’s wrong with this headline?

“Robot priests more acceptable to Protestants than Catholics, says professor” (https://www.zdnet.com/article/robot-priests-more-acceptable-to-protestants-than-catholics-says-professor/). I hope he’s not a professor of English. “Dad-burn those Catholics! Why, I like robot priests better than I like them Catholics!” All somebody had to do was write “than to Catholics.” Apparently no one there was initiated into the mysteries of English usage–which is all racist, anyway. Much better to have confusing headlines.

Anyhow, the article wonders whether “AI (Artificial Intelligence) can create better priests,” and whether “religion” can be “transformed” by AI? Ignorant think-they-know-it-alls are always looking to “transform” stuff. Oh–and “It challenges Catholicism to move toward a post-human priesthood.” We are not told any reason why Catholicism should do that. Meanwhile, hedging its bets, Union Theological Seminary is teaching its students to confess their sins to plants. That’ll have to serve until robot priests are available. Or you can confess to your car or to your toaster-oven.

I guess as long as we’re going to have Artificial Christianity we might as well have Artificial Priests and Ministers. There is some worry that there might be a question as to who gets to program the robot priest.

But if your Christianity is already that far gone, what does it matter?

11 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in religion, science news

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