Scientist Finds Extra Brain!

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It used to be thought–and in some quarters, still is–that the Stegosaurus had two brains, one in the head and one in the tail. Stegosaurus is extinct (so much for his two brains!); but now a scientist says he’s discovered that we have two brains, too.

Dr. Mandy Lifeboats, at Candelabra College, location unknown, announced his discovery at a testimonial dinner for someone who didn’t deserve it.

“Our second brain is relatively tiny–about the size of a BB,” he said, “and it’s located inside the coccyx… which, by the way, is also called ‘the tail bone.’ I found it quite by accident.” He did not describe the accident.

Brain No. 2, he said, “Is mostly dormant, it don’t really do nothing. It’s just there.” (A colleague who was heard to grumble, “That’s because it really is a BB!” was escorted out of the cafeteria.) “But imagine if it could be induced to function like the main brain that’s in your skull somewhere! Taking prodigious amounts of drugs would probably do the trick. And of course we all know certain famous individuals whose main brains have been totally dormant for years. We’ve all wondered how they get by. Well, that’s when the second brain kicks in!”

Habitually sitting on the auxiliary brain, he added, “most likely is what keeps it dormant. Go a few weeks without ever sitting down, and Brain No. 2 might spontaneously become functional.”

The professor is now looking for volunteers to test that hypothesis.

‘Creeping Twaddle’ (2018)

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I run this post now and then because it’s such a perfect example of the kind of wishful thinking and sheer silliness that has permeated “science” in our time.

Creeping Twaddle

Yowsah, yowsah, the Feminist Golden Age! Without a single inscription to back it up. We don’t need no stinkin’ inscriptions–we’re Woke archaeologists! This is almost as good as the short-lived “discovery” of Muslim Vikings. And the “gay caveman.” Who ever dreamed the remote past could be so obliging?

Once you’re set free from evidence, the sky’s the limit.

‘Hooray! “Gay Caveman” Discovered!’ (2015)

Science marches on!

They’d sell their mothers to the vivisectionist if they thought that’d get them the “gay gene” they’ve been searching for so frantically. But in the meantime, this will have to do:

Hooray! ‘Gay Caveman’ Discovered!

Even allowing the, uh, “discovery” to be real, how do they know this poor caveman was “buried as a woman”? Someone leave behind a book of funeral customs from umpteen thousand years ago? And maybe a fashion catalog to go with it.

They don’t know anything.

This just want this “gay” thing to be true: want it so badly, it keeps them awake at night.

I’d rather not ask why.

‘We’re Doomed! (Again)’ (2019)

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Hang onto your hats, boys ‘n’ girls, and don’t send out your laundry!

It’s official: The Science at the University of Alaska says the fun’s over, we’re finished–if things keep goin’ the way they’re goin’, the whole giant Greenland ice-cap will melt down and drown us all!

By the year 3000.

We’re Doomed! (again)

Oh, if only we’d given much more power to the government! Alas and alack, Bernie Sanders was right! Al Gore was a prophet! An all-powerful government would have saved us… but no, we had to have our stupid freedom! See what happens to people who don’t listen to Science?

Oh, No! We’re Eating Too Much Protein!

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Remember these? What do you want to bet the WEF will try to bring them back? For us, of course–not for them.

Here come da Science! Here come da Science!

So dash it all, we’re eating too much protein, Scientific American says (, and we’d better stop because our pee has too much nitrogen in it and it’s polluting our water and there’s too many of us eatin’ too much protein… [Pause for hyperventilation]

We thought they just wanted us to settle for bug-burgers and cricket loaf, but it turns out that bugs and lentils etc. also contain protein and we’re peeing out too much nitrogen… but not to worry! We’ve got options.

1) Stop peeing.

2) Just don’t eat protein. Well, hardly any. Candy’s just as good for you as beef, according to Scientists.

3) Kill off half the human race. World Economic Forum describes most of us as “useless eaters.”

Whichever option we choose, growing the government into an all-powerful behemoth is an indispensable part of the plan. “Resistance is futile” has to be more than just a slogan!

And anyone who disagrees with Science should be beaten senseless.

‘Do We Need a Human Brain in a Monkey?’ (2019)

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Some would say we’ve already got it the other way around.

This was supposed to give researchers “a better animal” to run experiments on, searching for a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease. Everyone in the world would like to see a cure for that… “humanizing” monkey brains?

Do We Need a Human Brain in a Monkey?

All it gave them was a monkey with some human tissue shot into its brain.

One can’t help wondering how serious some of these experiments are. Do they really expect to learn anything useful, or is it just to make a splash in Academia?

My Newswithviews Column, July 21 (‘Crazier and Crazier’)

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I have never in my life seen anything like the Transgender Fad. I thought the Davy Crockett craze was something, when I was a boy. But this insanity puts it in the shade.

Crazier and Crazier

Davy Crockett mania didn’t involve taking drugs or lopping off body parts.

Must we subject our country to absurd and crazy policies, carried out by fools, lunatics, and villains? And the rest of the world is hardly better off.

There’s nowhere to run to. Plant our flag and fight the battle here.


Morons Invading the Past

Not content to plague our present and jeopardize our future, Woke morons are now invading our past by demanding that anthropologists studying ancient remains stop classifying them according to “gender”–no more male or female skeletons (

This is so asinine that a lot of readers are convinced it’s just a satire. Sorry, it’s real.

Gender activists push to bar anthropologists from identifying human remains as ‘male’ or ‘female’

See, they can’t, like, ask a thousand-year-old skeleton which “gender” he/she/it “identifies as.” So better not classify it as anything. “Race” is out, too. So if you dig up a 1,500-year-old skeleton, it just might have belonged to a “non-binary individual” who “identified as” one of 50 or 60 made-up “genders” while pursuing xer career as a community pest.

We’re getting this from a group of self-proclaimed “gender activists” called “the Trans Doe Task Force.” Spokesfreak is a “master’s degree candidate“–and you thought real scholarship was dead!

They have not forgotten to put the words “male” and “female” in quotation marks to remind us all that these evil sexist cis-terms are now outmoded and gender is like completely totally fluid and you can be a boy one day and a girl the next [falls to the ground panting, with pink foam oozing out of ears].

Hey, out there! Can anybody, anybody at all, offer a reason, even a freaking silly reason, why any normal people ought to go along with this? Come on, I’m waiting to hear it!

And while you’re at it, we’d also like to hear a reason why our colleges and universities shouldn’t be de-funded rather than being paid handsomely to turn out pure crapola.

‘Can You Buy Eternal Life?’ (2019)

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How could it possibly not work?

Well, gee–what’s the point of being a billionaire if you can’t enjoy it forever–and keep on getting richer and richer? Some of the world’s wealthiest jidrools are looking for ways to accomplish that very thing.

Can You Buy Eternal Life?

Can you imagine how crazy Bill Gates would be, by the time his 400th birthday rolls around?

God offers us eternal life in Jesus Christ, but why be a billionaire if you can’t be your own god? And anyway Science will give us immortality and we won’t have to give up fornication!

‘Scientists Plan to Grow Neanderthal Brains and Install Them in Robots’ (2018)

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Yeah, I know–you thought this story was a hoax. But as far as I was able to find out, it was really on the drawing board. Although where they went to get Neanderthal brains–well, your guess is as good as mine.

Scientists Plan to Grow Neanderthal Brains and Install Them in Robots

Oh? They’re gonna grow the brains in petri dishes? That’s sure to work out well: you’ll wind up with John Kerry. They can’t stop nimrods with thick foreign accents from phoning you every day and trying to scam you by pretending to be from your credit card company; but they can grow Neanderthal brains in petri dishes. So they can put ’em into robots.

Of course it’s real. You don’t think anyone could see this as a movie screenplay, do you?