Scientists at Fanabla University have discovered “significant decrease in brain volume” in persons who are politically liberal.
“We are most grievously dismayed to discover this,” said Dr. Haffa Baggon, director of the research team, “but this is now the settled science, so there’s nothing that can be done about it.”
As the brain shrinks, he explains, the interior of the cranium fills up with “this disgusting fatty tissue” completely surrounding the brain.
The average adult liberal male, the research team found, “has a brain no bigger than a freakin’ orange,” said a team member who did not wish to be identified. “The all-time small brain champion,” he added, was a Gender Studies professor whose brain was the size of a walnut.
The researchers, according to a reliable source, are currently preparing to flee to another continent.
It’s staggering to think of the amount of time, money, and brainpower that goes into totally useless twaddle like this.
“So, see, we’re gonna design evolving life, so we can say that life evolves without design! That way there’s no God, and we can all have sex with… well, whatever!”
Is there some way we can only fund scientific studies that aren’t crap?
They may not be able to find the “gay gene,” but in 2015 Science exulted because archaeologists had discovered the grave of the first “gay” caveman.
See? They knew it all along! It had to be there! Gay from the git-go!
Some of you are new here and might have missed this, first time around, so here it is again. I knew you wouldn’t want to be without this news.
Better than a seance!
Is there any limit to what Science can do? Of course not! Science can do anything.
Even keep your loved ones alive forever. Sort of.
Did we really need all this technology, though? Couldn’t you accomplish the same thing with some old photos and a loop of tape that went round and round, reciting the dear departed’s text messages?
Sorry, didn’t mean to give ’em ideas…
I atanded a Fassanating lexture “last” nihght on Evilutoin it “was” abote how alll Things thay Evolvved starting whith It raned on “the” rocks and “the Rocks” thay came alyve!!! That is Whaht Sciance it says and Sciance it “is” Awlyays rihght!!!! and anny Boddy that dosnt think so thay “are” Sciance Denyers and has got to be beat up And put in Jale!
Take the game of Chest frinstants! i dint knowe Chest it evolvved from Checkers and Sorry! and then It evvolved back to Carears or somthing and then back to Chest agin!!
The frist Chest games thay “wer” alll in the Ocion becose the Ocion it “is” ware All Life itt begun! and the frist Chestmen thay was jist litttle like Germs or Mikerobes but then thay Come out On “land” and starrted Evolvving into Dinasore Chest and Woollie Mammith Chest and then Cave Man Chest only i fourgot to say that frist it was Checkers and then it was Sorry and thare is “one” Sciantits he thinks thare was a Meal Borns staje tooo!! Butt he is “stil” dysecking Chest Men to try “to” fined Meal Borns DNA!!
Butt “the” Best part of The Lexture it was how “evry thing” it is stilll Evolvving and some Day the “Humin Race” it whil Evvolve into theese like supramen with Camputers for Branes insted of waht We got Now witch is a Goood Thing i can harrdly weiht untill My own Brane it evvolves!! Then i willl larn How “to” playe Chest and probly be Come a Chest Exprat!!!! Meenwile i cant figyore out whatt al them Porns do,, and wye thare is “so” menny of themb!
This story is much too disgusting to illustrate. Here is a picture of a luna moth instead. God’s stuff is better than ours. Ours sucks.
Shakespeare thought of this first, when he had Lady Macbeth cry out, “Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here…!”
Be careful what you wish for.
Just when you thought humanism couldn’t dehumanize us any further, along come the sex-bots–machines you can “have sex” with. But not to worry: an “expert” (oh, please) at the University of British Columbia says having sex with machines can make our marriages better (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-6060627/Sex-robots-IMPROVE-marriages-letting-spouses-focus-companionship-expert-claims.html).
See, if you get your jollies making whoopee with a glorified toaster-oven, that’ll give you and your spouse “more focus on companionship and creating a family.” She does not explain how you and your spouse will do that if you’re both having sex with machines instead of with each other.
Oh, but what’s not to like? This’ll “give couples greater opportunity to define their own type of marriages,” according to whatever addled pumpkin-guts you have in place of a brain. Why, it “could soon become a societal norm”! Oh, frabjous day. More societal norms that college doodlebugs make up as they go along.
Sophisticated sex-bots are bound to be expensive, so maybe for the time being you can make do with your printer or some other handy appliance–whatever floats your boat.
Are there really people out there who don’t understand that “sex” with a machine is only a simulation of sex?
I do hope not.
Ah, settled science!
Remember “the gentle Tasaday,” whose language had no words for “war” or “conflict”? Yowsah. They lived in the sticks in the Philippines, supposedly cut off from the rest of humanity for at least a thousand years, and therefor “natural” and “unspoiled”–living proof that man, if left uncorrupted by capitalism or whatever, is born to be a hippy.
After a couple of media orgasms, it came out that the Gentle Tasaday were just another hoax (https://leeduigon.com/2015/11/22/the-stone-age-tribe-that-wasnt/). They were putting us on. It seems being international media stars beats being poor.
And to think they could’ve wound up decorating containers of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream!
Ah, well–the next hoax will be even better. Maybe someone will discover a tribe of naturally transgender persons who’ve been messing about with their identities for a thousand years and still can’t make up their minds…
If Christians defended Christianity with the same fervor that humanists defend “science,” it would scare the dickens out of everybody.
The origins of that “97% of scientists” figure are lost in the depths of time. There is a 97% likelihood that some liberal just made it up.
Since this announcement was made in 2015, how many students have graduated from college thinking zombies are real?
Then again, you might say they seem more real than they did three years ago! Take a gander at the nooze. If some of those people aren’t zombies, they do a really good imitation of ’em.