Tag Archives: silly science

Fight Climbit Change! Bring Back the Mammoth

Image result for images of mammoths grown in lab

“Clone ’em, Dano!”

Say hey! Did you know there’s a Harvard Woolly Mammoth Revival Team? And they’ve got a little science project, straight out of Jurassic Park, to fight imaginary Global Warming [trumpet fanfare]–by bringing back the woolly mammoth! (https://www.livescience.com/62569-mammoth-elephant-hybrid-help-climate.html)

The project director flat-out denies they have any interest in doing what was done in the Jurassic Park movies, and then describes what they’re gonna do, which is exactly what they did in Jurassic Park and its sequels. They don’t want the whole mammoth: just the bits that resist cold. So they’ll mix mammoth DNA with elephant DNA and grow the critters in the laboratory. Psst, dude! That’s exactly how they got into all that trouble in Jurassic World!

The idea is to fight off Global Warming by turning a whole buncha mammoth-elephant-whatevers loose in Siberia to knock down the trees and trample the snow, which will keep the permafrost from suddenly thawing out because of SUVs and toilet paper and oh man oh man we’re all gonna die–!

Absent from the calculation is knowledge of what caused mammoths to go extinct in the first place, not to mention any sure knowledge of just how they interacted with their environment, and with what result. Which came first–the extinction of the woolly mammoth, or the forests that now cover much of Siberia where the mammoths used to live?

Aw, hell, we don’t need to know all that stuff before we grow a million mammoths in the lab and sick ’em on the trees.

Maybe they didn’t see Jurassic World. 


‘What Makes New Yorkers Live Longer?’ (2012)

Mayor Bloomberg’s long gone, but not really–he could always emerge as the liberal statist version of Donald Trump. As mayor of New York City, Bloomberg fell into the habit of banning everything he didn’t think was good for people. You can always count on liberal dictators to try to infantalize their subjects.

https://leeduigon.com/2012/06/19/what-makes-new-yorkers-live-longer/

If you’re living in New York (the current mayor, Warren Wilhelm dba “Bill DiBlasio”, may be seen as an incompetent Bloomberg wannabe), it only seems longer.


They’re Anti-Science!

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I was hoping I’d never have to say this, but I can’t keep it a secret any longer.

My two cats are Anti-Science. Both of them. I think a squirrel outside, when they were sitting in an open window, tricked them into being Anti-Science, but I can’t prove it, even though I know that particular squirrel is a Racist and a Biggit and a Hater.

What am I to do? My veterinarian doesn’t offer Sensitivity Training For Cats.

How do I know they’re Anti-Science? I hear you ask. Yeah, well, okay, I don’t exactly hear you. You’re probably Anti-Science, too. Anyway, I know they’re Anti-Science because they didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton for president. Every living thing that didn’t vote for her is Anti-Science. And must be punished!

These cats pay absolutely no attention to The Scientific Search for the Transgender Gene, or Scientific Proof That It Rained on the Rocks and the Rocks Came Alive, or Teaching 13-Year-Old Kids to Abstain from Sex Will Make Them Pregganint, or Climbit Change It Is Caused by Religion And It Will Kill Us All Unless We Give the Government Lots of New Powers And All Our Money. You can’t get them up for any Science at all.

Where in the Constitution does it allow you to be Anti-Science?


New York Times: Teens Not Having Sex Is ‘Anti-Science’

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Well, now I’ve heard everything.

The New York Times, once the cheerleader for Stalin, says it’s “anti-science” to encourage teenagers not to have sex until they’ve finished school and are emotionally ready for a long-term commitment ( http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2018/05/07/new-york-times-teaching-children-delay-sex-anti-science/). The Times editors say that “defies all common sense.”

They wouldn’t know common sense if it ran up and bit them in the butt.

The Times excoriates the Trump administration for backing efforts to promote abstinence as pregnancy prevention and a sure way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.

Gee, you mean it isn’t? Like, how are you supposed to get pregnant or get an STD if you don’t have sex?

Maybe by reading the New York Times.


‘We’re Living in Jurassic Park’ (2015)

Image result for images of jurassic park

(“Who’ve they got in there? King Kong?”)

Famous last words: “We’ve got it all under control!”

Remember Jurassic Park?  Hey, we’ve got the money, we’ve got the technology, we can do anything and everything we want!

https://leeduigon.com/2015/09/06/were-living-in-jurassic-park/

Only it never quite works out that way, does it?


‘Today’s Howler–Sun-Gazing’ (2015)

Image result for images of staring at sun

We don’t expect to find twaddle like this in “Natural News,” but one fine day in 2015, there it was: we can end world hunger by adopting the habit of gazing fixedly at the sun.

(https://leeduigon.com/2015/05/25/todays-howler/)

Sheesh. There was a Father Brown story about a sun-gazing cult. Here it’s A Wise Yogi From India. The author of the Father Brown stories, G.K. Chesterton, said that once people give up believing in God, they don’t believe in nothing: they believe in anything. He was right.


Oops! ‘Nebraska Man’ Was a Pig

Hi, Mr. Nature here, with a serious paleontological embarrassment.

Once upon a time somebody discovered a fossil tooth in Nebraska and sent it to the American Museum of Natural History, where some of America’s greatest paleontologists studied it. Leading the study was Dr. Henry Fairfield Osborn, the museum’s director, with help from two famous scientific heavyweights, Dr. William D. Matthew and Dr. William K. Gregory. Really, these were names to conjure with.

In 1922 the team published the fossil as Hesperopithecus haroldcookii (“Western ape” discovered by Harold Cook) and described it as an “anthropoid ape” on its way to evolving into a human being of some kind.

Meanwhile, work at the site continued and more fossils were found–leading, alas, to the inescapable conclusion that, far from being an ape, Hesperopithecus’ tooth belonged to an extinct species of peccary, a close relative of… the pig. So in 1927 Osborn and his team had to publish a retraction.

I’m not writing this to make fun of men who were great pioneers in their field, but only to show how extremely wrong scientists can be when they really put their minds to it. It wasn’t the first time or the last that Professor Osborn would be wrong. He faced up to his mistake and kept on working. At least he didn’t write a book on Nebraska Man and tour the country with it.

Today it’s a certainty that some of the things we’re being told by scientists are just as far out in left field as poor Nebraska Man ever was: Man-Made Climbit Change springs to mind. And we can only speculate as to how far astray Osborn & Co. were led by their evolutionary mind-set.

But gee, they even had a picture of it–!

 


‘Are You a Science Fundamentalist?’ (2014)

Everything Science says is true.

Today’s Science says yesterday’s Science was poppycock.

Tomorrow’s Science will say today’s Science was poppycock.

Go figure.

https://leeduigon.com/2014/10/15/are-you-a-science-fundamentalist/


Gasp! Oh, No! Chicken Pox!

Image result for images of confused doctor

I got this from a Promed email today (https://mail.aol.com/webmail-std/en-us/suite): from New South Wales, Australia, “the Maitland City Council has been made aware of a suspected case of chicken pox at Maitland Pool,” etc. And there’s also a suspicion of chicken pox in Louisiana and Venezuela.

Poor humanists. Carrying on over chicken pox like it was The Black Death. Gotta alert the city council! Government must act!

There weren’t many kids in my generation who didn’t get chicken pox. Big deal: a few days home from school. My little brother got it worse than I did, and had to get a baking soda bath. Then it went away.

It’s so much work, playing God–like, you have to do everything!


U Cal Offers Grants for ‘Feminist Research’

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When can you be absolutely sure a looniversity has way too much money?

When it starts handing out $10,000 grants to professors who employ “feminist ethics and methodologies” in their research, on topics like “Feminist Perspectives on Food Waste” and “Gendered and Racialized Epistemologies” (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10688). The looniversity here is U Cal Davis.

And they’re doing it with your money, suckers. Money that you worked for. They’ve got this Feminist Research Institute that forks over your money to the silliest damnfool projects they can find. Then they laugh at you.

And you send your sons and daughters to these looniversities because_______. Gee, I keep doing that and no one has yet made a serious attempt to fill in the blank.

Maybe there ought to be a contest, with a cash prize to anyone who can cogently explain what “feminist ethics and methodologies” might be. A win here could be the start of a great career in comedy.

Higher education, hot dog! Wasting your money by the truckload–and despising you while they do it.


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