Today’s Garbage Will Be Tomorrow’s Classic, (He Babbled Idiotically)

Susan saw an ad for this brand-new Dreamworks movie, Trolls World Tour, and just had to tell me about it. So I watched this trailer. Zacherly always said the trailers weren’t as painful as the movies.

This appears to be a ham-fisted preachy story of Diversity as an end in itself, “different is better,” and somehow they left out a Drag Queen Story Hour. The trolls have six different kinds of music for six different kinds of trolls–that doesn’t really sound all that diverse, does it?–and the bad-guy Rock Troll says “I’m gonna destroy all music except for rock” so the good-guy Trolls have to stop this from happening and I think I’m going to be sick.

And it’s all this cheesy animated stuff, no live actors on the screen, celebrity voice-overs, and I’m sure it makes kids dumber when they see it. Most of the stuff in our pop culture makes you dumber.

Why do we keep making movies like this? Can’t you just read your children Freddy Goes to Florida? Or just, like, tell them a story that you make up as you go along? Do they really have to watch these phony movies?

Yeahbut, yeahbut! You just turn on the movie and your kids are out of your hair for an hour!

My mother could have let television raise her children. I’m mighty glad she didn’t.