Scientists: Sexual Harassment Among Animals

Scientists at the University of Exeter have figured out something no one ever thought of before: female animals are relatively dull and drab, compared to males, because that’s how they avoid sexual harassment ( ).

Otherwise nesting birds would be decorated with flashing neon lights. And soon go extinct, but never mind. It’s fear of sexual harassment that keeps female birds from resembling a Las Vegas casino.

But now scientists at Excedrin University are jealous of all the attention that their colleagues at Exeter are getting.

“Sexual harassment? Don’t make me laugh!” said Dr. Francis Dustmop, Professor of Scientific Stuff at Excedrin U. “Like, that is so nothing!

“Whereas we, here at Excedrin, have made a really important discovery!

“Ever notice that some birds got really bright colors, and other kinds of birds are just dull and boring? Betcha didn’t know that’s caused by… Income Inequality!” (Pauses to perform a cartwheel. Splits pants.) “Yessirreebob, the injustice of capitalism spills over into the natural world!

“Now that, my friend, is science! Those mental midgets at Exeter can take their sexual harassment and stick it in their ears!”

Meanwhile, scientists at Exorbitant University have discovered that some animals are larger than others because of White Privilege…

15 comments on “Scientists: Sexual Harassment Among Animals

  1. Just when you think you’ve heard everything, here comes another absurdity. Lee, you’re so right – too many of our young people attending these idiot institutions, and paying big money for the ‘privilege’. And these ‘scientists’ and ‘professors’ get paid! What’s particularly troubling is that the young people absorbing this will be our future leaders.

  2. Hey, it’s all publish-or-perish. Once you’ve written the same article or book over and over with only a few names changed to make it seem new, you have to find a new gimmick to write about over and over. And then a newer gimmick. And then a newer one. And you have to time the publications as close to salary review time as possible.

    It was bad enough when I first started in academia (I went back to academia in 1978 and finally retired in 2009), but by now it’s not just a publishing frenzy but also a virtue-signaling frenzy. Or maybe a kindergarten playground can-you-top-this screaming frenzy.

    And yes, I did quite a bit of publishing in my day, but I tried to keep grounded in factual literary and social history. (My field was the 16th and 17th centuries.)

    1. Yes, I loved the Pilgrim’s Progress hymn, especially with the pipes and tabors in the background!

    1. That’s their plan. Except, of course, for themselves – and robots shall serve them.

  3. Also, just as sharks have to keep moving or die, “progressives” have to keep “progressing” or die.

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