Wassamattawit U. to Open Divinity School

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Funded by a grant from George Sauron, Wassamattawit University has opened a new divinity school.

Located in an abandoned mill on the outskirts of Gary, Indiana, Wassamattawit U. Divinity School will focus on “showing them students that there ain’t nothing in the Bible that’s true,” according to the new dean, Dr. Cadinga Cadonga Silver Swallow.

“We have all kinds of religion courses,” she said, and named a few–Answers That Are Not in Genesis, Mother Earth and Climate Change, How to Be Real Smart, Grooving on the Goddess, and Islam Is Cool. “Our grant says we got to teach young people that they can be spiritual without being Bible thumpers. We will even teach them how to make amulets that attract animal spirit guides.”

Thanks to the grant, she added, the new school expects to be able to attract divinity professors from seminaries all over the country. “It should ought to be a really liberating career move for them,” she said. “They won’t have to pretend anymore that they believe that old and worn-out Bible stuff.”

Tuition for the five-year degree program will be “lots of dollars, but I forget how much,” she said.

13 comments on “Wassamattawit U. to Open Divinity School

  1. WTH? If history repeats, another obama could be “born” from such a school. Quick – put up a Christian Church next door before a mosque adds to satan’s “infrastructure.”

    1. WHAT??? There’s no “mini” about any mosque – they all display the same vile noise and preach the same jihad – it takes only one homicidal suicide bomber. There’s no such real thing as chrislam. No matter how we fight back against such evils, they will never disappear until Jesus returns. “My peace I leave with you”…but sometimes it winds up in the lost-and-found.

    2. Marlene, the whole thing is a satire–not real. I invented it to make a point about “reputable Bible scholars” who don’t believe the Bible. There’s been an awful lot of that, over the past 100 years and more; but at no time more than presently.

    3. Satire today; reality tomorrow (or somewhere else today). Why don’t I feel foolish for not recognizing this as satire?

    4. If you think it’s hard to tell satire from reality these days, just try writing something satirical. You think you’ve made it over-the-top enough for anyone to see–and then it turns out to be real!

    5. P.S.–I really thought the label “Wassamattawit U.” would give it away. But then you already know what my mother would’ve said about that.

    6. “Do you know what Thought did. He thought he did” [?] I “thought” it was just another clever word play. My bad.

  2. Theological seminaries get referred to as theological cemeteries (where burning hot faith is often transformed into cool, calculated scholasticism. Ever wonder what happened to the motto of The Reformation that changed Western Society, “The priesthood of all believers?”

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