You and Your Past Lives

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I don’t know why these publicists think I’d be one to review their clients’ books. Do they think I’ll live forever? I mean, I’ve got limited time on this planet, and I can’t waste it reading about “Discovering Your True Nature Across Multiple Lifetimes.”

But Lee! It’s be a certified past life regression therapist! Certified by whom? How do you get certified to do past lives regression when there’s no such thing as past lives? It is given to man once to die, but then after this the judgment (Hebrews 9:27). So sorry, I can’t play past lives with you unless I abandon Jesus Christ.

But there’s evidence! Hey, honest–it’s been on TV! Oh, well, if it’s been on TV–! Actually, it’s rather insulting to be offered that line of argument. It has put me in a bad mood.

But it really, really works! F’r’instance, “a prior personality who was very effective in business may help me with a current management program.” Yeah–and what if all your past lives belonged to fools and reprobates?

And this is mostly from people who turn up their noses at the Bible! Oh, that’s all just made-up stories! But this past lives booshwa, man, that’s real!

Lord, I’m ready to wake up now. Can I please wake up now?


8 comments on “You and Your Past Lives

  1. “But there’s evidence! Hey, honest–it’s been on TV!”

    In my humble opinion, one of the most pernicious aspects of broadcast television is that many people think that anything and everything of broadcast on TV is significant and worthy of attention. Once again, in my humble opinion, that is quite wrong. TV promotes, not by merit, but by popularity. Because people are attracted to novelty, that is what sells well to the TV audience. The results can be seen all around us.

  2. The only past life I’ve had is the one I lived before Jesus found me flailing around without a rudder. But Praise God He is The Good Shepherd and gave me a new life.

  3. Funny how the people who insist that there’s no such thing as an afterlife are so willing to believe in multiple pre-lives.

    Also funny how all the pre-lives turn out to have been important, successful, talented, etc. Never a pre-life of an ordinary joe (or jane), let alone a felon or bum.

    1. “what if you find out “your true self” is just a big dumb dope?”

      Sounds like the basis for a brilliant career in politics. 🙂

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