Category: Book Reviews

A Book to Make Me Wake Up Screaming REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

 From May 11, 2016

Those publicists just can’t stop barking up the wrong tree.

I have been invited to review a book “set against the mysterious and sexy backdrop of Southern Cuba”–actually, she lost me right there–that “follows the young Thalia Vandergruen as she searches for her true identity with the help of trusted clairvoyant Sofi…”

Stop already. Have you ever known anyone actually named “Thalia”? I haven’t. And what’s with “Sofi”? That’s not how you spell Sophia, or Sophie. And she’s a clairvoyant. Uncle! Uncle!

But wait, there’s more. If you think those are silly names, Thalia meets this guy named “Yahriel–” (You should see how my spell check is reacting to these names. You’d think Joe Collidge wrote this.)

Stop, I can’t take any more. And this by a supposedly best-selling author. I checked: she’s a real person. I’m not giving her name because I prefer not to hurt her feelings. And anyhow the issue is not her, or her particular book, but the kind of drivel that keeps oozing out of our publishing industry. This example is pitched especially to women, in the category “women’s fiction.” But I will not have that said about women.

“What sets it apart,” concludes the publicist, “is the author’s signature smart bent and social conscience.” Great merciful heavens–does that mean what I think it means? The poor defenseless reader! I can’t think of anything good to say about “social conscience” in fiction.

I’m always looking for books to read and review, but this will not be one of them.

Murdering Fantasy REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From April 27, 2016

Y’know, I’m beginning to think ill of publicists. They’ll take anybody’s money.

Today a publicist invited me to read a great new fantasy novel “about a female warrior with a kind heart.” When the Sarmatians went culturally extinct almost 2,000 years ago, that was the end of the only nation that actually produced female warriors on purpose. Look it up in Herodotus if you don’t believe me.

Since then, The Invincible Female Warrior has become the most commonplace–and the most annoying–cliche in half-baked fantasy literature. Along with crusty but benign old wizards and know-it-all elves: but really, Ms. Gorgeous with the unbeatable kung-fu moves is the worst of them all–except for maybe little kids with fantastic martial arts skills that enable them to wipe out full-grown male villains.

The book seems to be self-published. This is what gets me about self-publishing: no quality control. The publicist ought to be ashamed for taking this author’s money and trying to hoodwink people like me into reviewing it. I won’t give the author’s name because it just wouldn’t be humane. By the way, though, she wants a pretty hefty chunk of money for this book.

If you are an aspiring writer, this author commits a literary stumble that I’ve told you about before ( http://leeduigon.com/2015/10/21/a-silly-name-can-ruin-your-fantasy-novel/ ).

Do not name the principle characters in your story after familiar household products. Trust me, it doesn’t work. Here we have an Invincible Female Warrior named “Aleave.” Does that at all bring to mind the brand name of a popular headache medicine?

If you conscientiously avoid all the cliches that make fantasy so prone to low expectations on the readers’ part, and write a great story populated by memorable characters, and yet succumb to the temptation to give those characters names like Drano, Tylenol, Pennzoil, or Fancy Feast–well, you might as well not have written it at all.

A Review of “Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From  July 10, 2012

Make way for the new Harry Potter! Make way for the successor to Twilight! The Hunger Games is taking over as the new idol for America’s young readers and movie-goers. The next great franchise has arrived!

So far, the movie version of Suzanne Collins’ first Hunger Games novel (it’s a trilogy) is the year’s box-office champion. Supermarkets are selling Hunger Games posters and movie guides, and you can bet the video game won’t be far behind.

Some Christian commentators-Kevin Swanson, for one-are denouncing it. Others are trying to spin some kind of Christian message out of it. No one is ignoring it.

The Hunger Games is a very well-written book, an expertly-crafted thriller. Collins never writes down to her young readers. Her prose is perfectly suited to its task, and never seems to get in the way of the story. She excels at arousing emotions of suspense, indignation, relief, and whatever else she wishes her reader to experience.

But for all that, The Hunger Games has a very nasty aftertaste, and I will not recommend it for young readers.

Let me tell you why.

Continue Reading “A Review of “Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins REPRINT” →

One of My All-Time Favorite Fantasies REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From July 8, 2013

Let me introduce you to one of my all-time favorite fantasy novels–Chessmen of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs (“…from the creator of Tarzan”).

I fell in love with this book when I was a teenager; in fact, I still have my 35-cent Ballantine paperback with Bob Abbett’s glorious cover. The older I get, the more I enjoy this book. You can enjoy it, too. If you can’t buy a used copy at various websites, you can read it for free on your computer. I like this book so much, I’m even pitching it to potential readers of my books.

What’s so great about it? Simply this: when I read it, I’m there. That’s the acid test of any fantasy–whether the author can get you to believe the crazy story he made up.

Chessmen takes place on Mars, in a backwater cut off from the rest of the planet. The people are splendidly barbaric, with a lot of strange customs and beliefs. Chief among those is a fanatical devotion to jetan, the Martian equivalent of chess, which these nonconformists play with living pieces battling with live steel. As a bonus, Burroughs also gives you the rules of the game, so you can make your own jetan set and play it. By the way, it’s a very cool game. Of course I made a set. I brought it to my local chess club a few times, and everyone enjoyed it. Sometimes you can also find websites where you can play jetan online.

Chessmen also features one of the most original and captivating characters any writer ever invented: Ghek the kaldane. Ghek is a monstrous head with hardly any body. His kind live parasitically on headless human bodies from which they can detach themselves at will. They worship the intellect and take pride in being uninvolved, unemotional–pure thinkers. But Ghek, wrenched out of his culture by the plot, must wrestle with certain aspects of life which are completely new to him–love, loyalty, friendship, self-sacrifice. As a kaldane, can he learn how to be a human being? His progress makes for fascinating reading.

Why read books like this? For refreshment and escape! Sometimes I just can’t take any more of the pompous asses in the Senate, our civilization-ravaging Supreme Court, that lawless golem in the White House, and pro-aborts chanting “Hail, Satan!” I can’t keep fighting every hour of every day. And so, from time to time, I just take off for Mars. Or Narnia, or Middle-Earth. Anywhere but here.

But don’t worry. I always come back.

Literary Crimes: Anachronisms REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From January 13, 2016

Let’s say you’re writing an epic novel of the events leading up to Noah’s Flood, thousands of years ago.

Can you envision any circumstances which would induce you to employ the phrase, “strike zone”?

Well, yeah, if you want to remind the reader that he’s not really visiting the ancient world, but just reading a stupid book about it.

My friend “Abner,” in his amazingly successful novelizations of Biblical events, resorts to every anachronism he can think of. Here are a few that light up the second book in his series.

“It depends on what ‘is’ is.”

“Hope and change”

“Fundamental transformation of society”

God accused of “colonialism, imperialism, sexism, speciesism” and also described as “macho”

“I feel your pain”

“You didn’t build that”

“The 99 percent”

“We”–the speaker is an archangel–“saved your rear ends”

All right, let’s be fair: he has stopped short of equipping Adam and Eve, in the Garden of Eden, with cell phones. Well, who would they call? And a cell phone might be a nuisance if pockets haven’t been invented yet.

Strike zone? Macho?

Please, whoever is out there thinking about writing a novel–if you’re writing fantasy or historical fiction, please do not riddle it with stupid and inane anachronisms that won’t make a lick of sense to a reader ten years from now but which surely will, for the time being, remind the current reader that all he’s doing is reading a mutton-headed comic book without pictures.

I must point out that I am paid to read these books. Otherwise I could not endure it.

Serving Up Slop to Teen Readers REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From March 25, 2013

Browsing the Young Readers Fiction section in my supermarket this morning, I checked up on my competition. I don’t want to give them free publicity, so I won’t mention titles or authors’ names. But here’s what teens are reading.

Most of this, by the way, is pitched to girls. It seems girls read more than boys. Maybe boys are busy with video games. I wonder how much longer our civilization will last.

Most of the books for girls seem to be geared to training them to be Romance addicts later on. You know: the 200-pound young woman lying on the couch, popping bon-bons and Cheezits into her mouth while reading a paperback whose cover features a nearly-naked woman on her knees, embracing a bare-chested tribesman… I think I’m going to be sick.

There’s one series about a race of super-girls, immortal of course, eternally beautiful, possessing superhuman powers–they get this way by practicing witchcraft–and their endless seductions of hunky bare-chested stable boys. There’s this bad bishop who stalks them, hoping to burn them at the stake. Unfortunately he doesn’t succeed.

There’s another one in which a teenage girl discovers she was born immortal, and she’s in love with this incredibly sexy bare-chested guy who–guess what!–is also immortal, and she’s being pursued all the time by this real sexy bare-chested bad guy and he’s immortal, too…

Question: At what point does immortality kick in for these folks? I mean, why aren’t they newborn babies forever? If they age into teenagers, won’t they just keep on aging until they get worn out and keel over like the rest of us?

The rest of the books look even worse. I can’t bring myself to describe them even in the most general terms.

I do wish people would give my books a shot. I guarantee they bear no resemblance to those discussed above.

Guaranteed Filth-Free REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From June 24, 2013

If your children are a little young for Bell Mountain, or Narnia, or Freddy the Pig, let me share with you an author whose work always delighted me when I was a little boy–Thornton W. Burgess.

From 1910 to 1960 Burgess wrote more than 170 books. His syndicated daily newspaper column, Bedtime Stories, produced more than 15,000… well, bedtime stories. The books are easy enough for a child to read, and ideal for being read aloud to your kids. Many of them are available on amazon.com, and if you wish to know more, check out the Thornton W. Burgess Society ( http://www.thorntonburgess.org ).

These charming little books are about the adventures of woodland characters like Peter Rabbit, Jimmy Skunk, Grandfather Frog, and a host of others. Burgess, a lifelong conservationist, hoped to pass on to his young readers a love of nature. Certainly in my case he succeeded! The stories are sweet, humorous, cozy, and guaranteed filth-free: anything more wholesome can hardly be imagined.

The natural world, the heavens and the earth and everything in them, all of God’s creation, is God’s present to Himself. He has lavished love upon this planet, and clothed it in beauty. We ought to rejoice in His handiwork, as He does. Unless your heart is desperately hard, your mind hopelessly dull, and your eyes as blind as pebbles, you can’t look on God’s workmanship and not see Him. And love Him.

I can’t say for sure that that was the message that Thornton Burgess intended; but looking back on those books after the passage of so many years, all I can say is, that’s the message that I got.

PS–The link to Bedtime Stories takes you to some fershlugginah movie from 2008, not to Burgess’ column of the same name. Please ignore it.

A Nice Book for Your Kids REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From February 18 2012

One of my chess buddies put me on to The Gammage Cup by Carol Kendall. Written in 1959, this fantasy adventure for young readers–a Newbery Award-winner, by the way–is completely devoid of sex, blood-drinking, profanity, and the rest of the current staples of young readers’ fiction. Instead, it just has to plod along with adventure, humor, engaging characters, an amazingly tantalizing historical background, and nice, clear prose.  There isn’t even any sorcery or witchcraft in it.

Kids will like it because it’s easy to read without being dumbed-down, and it’s highly imaginative. Adults will enjoy it for exactly the same reasons. It’s probably perfect for reading aloud to your home-schooled 10-year-old.

This is not an overtly “Christian” book. If it has a message, it’s a plea to resist the pressures of conformity. But it’s not hard to imagine God using this book to do good–which is a great deal more than you can say about a lot of the current young readers’ fiction.

A Gem from Mars REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From  August 7, 2013

Edgar Rice Burroughs‘ very first novel, A Princess of Mars, is 101 years old. Next year will be the 100th anniversary of his most famous book, Tarzan of the Apes. I’ve just finished re-reading Princess–and after all these years, it’s still a gem.

One aspect of it deserves special mention: to this day, A Princess of Mars remains one of the most potent refutations of communalism ever written.The Green Martians have been communalists for untold ages. Having done away with marriage, the family, and private property, they have become cruel, joyless, hateful, and dull. At some point in their ancient history, they must have been ruled by “progressives” who seduced them with a scheme for achieving radical egalitarianism. They achieved it, all right.

When Burroughs started writing this in 1911, what did he know of communalism? Why did he make it a major theme of his first book? Or was this just another one of those extraordinary insights which God grants to artists? Certainly there are anointed Experts among us today who wave their credentials in our faces and preach the abolition of marriage, the family, and even “gender.” Some of us don’t realize that they’re crazy.

Because of what they’ve done to their own culture, Burroughs’ Green Martians are more bestial than the beasts.

Take a good, hard look at what’s being done to our culture, and tell me he was wrong.

My Valentine’s Day Present REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From February 14, 2017

I was positively mad about this book when I was in sixth grade. My wife knew that, because I had mentioned it occasionally, during rambles down Memory Lane. So she got it for me for Valentine’s Day.

Roy Chapman Andrews–the first to find dinosaur eggs: explorer, museum director, writer of books that ignited the imagination–was one of my childhood heroes. Quest in the Desert was his only foray into what we nowadays call Young Adult fiction. Having read much of his non-fiction, I can see that a lot of the material in the novel comes from his actual experiences in exploring the Gobi Desert and knocking around Mongolia. No way that’s bad! Andrews had adventures in some pretty wild and woolly places, and knew how to write about them.

As a glorious additional attraction, the book is illustrated by the great Kurt Wiese, who illustrated all the Freddy the Pig books (by Walter R. Brooks). Wow!

China, Mongolia, and the Gobi Desert in the 1920s were not places for the faint-hearted. Andrews loved the people and the land, and as an explorer of the Amundsen school, he always went into the desert well-prepared. He once remarked that for an explorer to have “adventures”usually meant that the explorer didn’t know his business. He did have plenty of adventures, but nothing his expedition was unprepared to handle.

The climax of Quest in the Desert is, of course, purely fictional–the discovery of the long-lost tomb of Genghis Khan (still undiscovered to this day). If you can’t get excited over that, you may need an autopsy.

What a totally wonderful time I’m going to have, reading this again!

P.S.–My Valentine’s gift to Patty was Unnatural Death, one of Dorothy L. Sayers’ Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries: great stuff.

I can’t imagine a life without books, and I don’t want to try.