Hebrews 9:27 – Lee Duigon

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I don’t know why these publicists think I’d be one to review their clients’ books. Do they think I’ll live forever? I mean, I’ve got limited time on this planet, and I can’t waste it reading about “Discovering Your True Nature Across Multiple Lifetimes.”

But Lee! It’s be a certified past life regression therapist! Certified by whom? How do you get certified to do past lives regression when there’s no such thing as past lives? It is given to man once to die, but then after this the judgment (Hebrews 9:27). So sorry, I can’t play past lives with you unless I abandon Jesus Christ.

But there’s evidence! Hey, honest–it’s been on TV! Oh, well, if it’s been on TV–! Actually, it’s rather insulting to be offered that line of argument. It has put me in a bad mood.

But it really, really works! F’r’instance, “a prior personality who was very effective in business may help me with a current management program.” Yeah–and what if all your past lives belonged to fools and reprobates?

And this is mostly from people who turn up their noses at the Bible! Oh, that’s all just made-up stories! But this past lives booshwa, man, that’s real!

Lord, I’m ready to wake up now. Can I please wake up now?

Image result for images of past lives regression

This morning a publicist invited me to review a book offering “a fresh alternative to traditional therapeutic methods.” Oh, boy. What is this fresh alternative?

Past Lives Regression Therapy, of course. And it’s not just for New Age bozos, says the publicist–like, it’s totally mainstream!

Excuse me a moment. I have to go bang my head against the wall.

The author, says the publicist, is a “certified regression therapist.” Certified? By who? I’m sure I can find individuals who are certified dowsers, too. The difference is, the dowser either finds water or he doesn’t. How do you get certified to browse through your patient’s past lives?

I’m sorry. Every time I hear about past lives, I think of some fat guy with a black beard and a bad complexion woo-wooing about how he once was a lady-in-waiting to Marie Antoinette.

If we really had past lives, the Bible would have told us. Instead, God’s word says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: so Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many…” (Hebrews 9:27) Note that it does not say you die whole bunches of times and keep on coming back as Sonja Henie.

Then again, this author has “trained with the world’s foremost experts” on unraveling Joe Blow’s glamorous past lives.

I thought this twaddle had all dissolved away ten years ago or so: that past lives had become old hat, replaced by exciting new inanities like transgenderism and Chrislam. Well, maybe it still attracts some old hippies. That and animal spirit guides. We have a store in our town where they can put you in touch with your animal spirit guide, in case you need stock tips from a hamster.