Now They’re Marching for… Hydroponic Cilantro?

Hey, you–America’s colleges and universities! Are you still here? Why? What good are you doing?

At the University of Texas, Austin, this week, “student activists” marched to demand hydroponic cilantro ( “Wadda we want? Hydroponic cilantro! When do we wannit? Now!” In fact, these food protests are springing up on collidge campuses all across the country. At U Tex they had to hire a second college dietician because the first found herself “overwhelmed” by the sudden spate of new demands–by “feisty vegans” in particular.

Fun Fact! Over the past 30 years, college tuition, overall, has increased 400%!

As one student said, “If you’re not eating good things, how do they expect your brain to grow?”

Well, Sunshine, you’re a collidge student, so we actually expect your brain not to grow, but shrink.

Question for the colleges and universities!

What are we supposed to do with these millions of disgruntled “students,” once you’ve finished with them? They’re too spoiled and unreliable to be employed in any useful capacity, and much too disagreeable to serve as pets. They have degrees in ridiculous subjects like Gender Studies and Advanced Comic Book Studies and their brains have atrophied, thanks to you. What in the world are we supposed to do with them?

America’s colleges and universities are a millstone around her neck… and the water’s getting deeper.

7 comments on “Now They’re Marching for… Hydroponic Cilantro?

  1. If I were a gambler, I’d bet my pension check that these students, if served plain old supermarket cilantro and told it was organic and hydroponic, would swoon with delight over how superior it was to supermarket cilantro and how much healthier they felt after eating it. I’ve seen similar things happen. (Actually, you could probably chop up crabgrass and tell them it was hydroponic cilantro and they wouldn’t know the difference.)

    Next week: a protest demanding powdered unicorn horn in the condiment rack. Then another protest against exploitation of and cruelty to unicorns. Then the appointment of a Provost to study exploitation of unicorns on campus. And so it goes….

  2. My house rabbit loves curly and Italian parsley, but turns her nose up at cilantro. Instead of protesting being fed cilantro, she just doesn’t eat it.

    I love the way Lee loves our colleges & universities the way Martin Luther did, who said, “I am afraid that the schools will prove the very gates of hell, unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy scriptures and engraving them in the heart of the youth.”

    1. When I had my rabbit, he used to love apples and bananas, but then there wasn’t much he didn’t like. Eating was probably his favorite part of the day.

      The irony is most if not all these colleges were started by Christians, and slowly over the decades have become completely secularized. They have accumulated a lot of knowledge, but have no wisdom to balance it out. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Pro 1:7”

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