How did civilization start? Professors of Nothing Studies at Fimbo University think they know.
“Originally,” says department head Hugh Betcha, Ph. D., “all human beings were transgendered. That goes hand in glove with the highest levels of civilization, just as we see today. So it was that, 300 million years ago, the world’s first human civilization was populated entirely by the transgendered persons who had invented it.”
What is the evidence for this?
“Physical evidence has not survived,” says the professor, “but we can interpolate current socioeconomic trends and sort of ‘reverse-engineer’ our lost history. We also find non-physical evidence in the myths and legends of the Tasaday, the Stone Age tribe in the Philippines that has remained pure and untouched by the rest of the world for 50 million years.
“Finally, if you’re as smart as we are and you concentrate real, real hard, you will eventually intuit accurate visions of the great Transgender Age. All that ‘Male and Female’ stuff didn’t come along until much, much later–a mere 250 years ago! And it was invented by capitalists, so you know it’s bad.”
A bachelor’s degree in Nothing Studies from Fimbo University takes a mere 32 semesters to acquire, at an average cost of $30,000 per semester. “But don’t worry about the cost!” says Professor Betcha. “After all, you can always get a student loan!”
I wented to a lexture yeasterday And now i jist “dont” see how them stopid Haters “and” biggits thay refuzes “to” beleave Evilutoin it is truue!!!!!
We now has Prooof of Evillusion,, we evin has got viddio!! Stopid lee he putt one Of them viddios rihght Hear on “this” blogg and he still dont get it!!
For millians of yeers the Elfs thay was ownly Deckaracions but “now” thay Has Evolved!!! Yes, now thay has Evolved into Livving Things! The prefesser she was making “the” lexture she sayed “This hear it is Prooph that non-Life it Evolvs into Life jist al bye Itsselff and thare isnt no Sueper Natchrel stuff it jist hapens!!”” and then she sayed “Evry Thing it has got the Potentchile for Life iff it arent Alyve all reddy!!”
Wel we al standed Up “and” cheared becose now wee Know “that” Life it Creeates It’s Self and so we wil rite A Letter to Hillery askin her to shut down Al the Churtches for Evvalution Denile and beang Anty-Sciance!!! that is a crymb! it is Hate! and aslo now we “want” our Collidge to offer a Deegree Pogrom in Elf Studdies and aslo more free stuff to “al” Indervidurals of Dyvercity!!! and aslo Free Tution for evry stodent inclooding Elfs! Thare is No Reesin elfs shuld Not Go To Collidge tooo jist like peple!! I amb sure thay Can “learn” jist as mutch as we doo!!!
I has been “Thinking” i has aught to Chainge my Majer becose Gender Studdies it is jist so hard!!! It is reel “hard” to rember al the Diffrint Genders that wasnt thare last weeek!
So i was reel hapy wen I founed out our Collidge it is offring a new Majer in Nothing Studdies!!! This is jist purfict!! It gots lots “of” coarses In it thay are fastinating!! i cant hardly “whait” to take Them!
Neckst semmestar i amb “goingto” sine Up for Beeyonsay Studdies jist like thay has “at” Ruttgers, and Whaching Car-Toons on TV, and Play Doh and Pickup Stix and Protesting Evry Thing, and aslo Callecting Ear Whax and Roling It Into “a” Big Ball!! I amb aslo Intrested in a coarse in Master Baiting,, i whunder waht It is!!!
The grate Thing abote it is,, yiu are Garinteed to “Get” yore deegree & al yiu has to doo is Pay “fore” it!!! How grate is that??? Ok, thare “is” one promble= my fambly thay has “kicked” me Out and i hasnt got “no” munny!!! But somb of the Stodents thay Are all-reddy Pan Handling and My Plan it is to Pan Handel offf themb!!!
I reely got to get my deegree Sune so i “can” be an Offisul And Bone Affied Introllectural!!!! becose us interllecturals we has got to Run the Contry!! Ordrinary dum peple thay “are” Jist two dum to do it whith-out Us!!
I’ve been asking what the country is supposed to do, a few years down the road, with millions of unemployable college graduates saddled with unrepayable debt and ridiculous degrees in meaningless pseudo-subjects. In other words, with millions of people who will, in all probability, never be productive.
Why has college become so useless? Because today’s higher education system is predicated on a model of perpetual expansion. Hence absurd ideas like free universal tuition. Create more universities, expand the ones we already have, and pack in more and more students, add more and more teachers and administrators–complete with high salaries and lavish pensions–and pray the nation’s economy doesn’t implode as more and more people become non-productive. Like, what are you going to do with a degree in Feminist Surf-boarding besides teaching Feminist Surf-boarding to other poor saps? What are you going to produce? What can you possibly do but stay in college–somehow?
It’s madness to remove such a big chunk of the population from the productive sector: consumers with nothing to consume, except more “education”!
Oh, but that’s okay! Soon we’ll have robots doing all the work, with nothing left for human beings to do but fornicate and “learn” more drivel.
That’s the plan–and it stinks.
Hey, you–America’s colleges and universities! Are you still here? Why? What good are you doing?
At the University of Texas, Austin, this week, “student activists” marched to demand hydroponic cilantro (https://www.wsj.com/articles/college-activists-march-on-the-cafeteria-what-do-we-want-hydroponic-cilantro-1504712705). “Wadda we want? Hydroponic cilantro! When do we wannit? Now!” In fact, these food protests are springing up on collidge campuses all across the country. At U Tex they had to hire a second college dietician because the first found herself “overwhelmed” by the sudden spate of new demands–by “feisty vegans” in particular.
Fun Fact! Over the past 30 years, college tuition, overall, has increased 400%!
As one student said, “If you’re not eating good things, how do they expect your brain to grow?”
Well, Sunshine, you’re a collidge student, so we actually expect your brain not to grow, but shrink.
Question for the colleges and universities!
What are we supposed to do with these millions of disgruntled “students,” once you’ve finished with them? They’re too spoiled and unreliable to be employed in any useful capacity, and much too disagreeable to serve as pets. They have degrees in ridiculous subjects like Gender Studies and Advanced Comic Book Studies and their brains have atrophied, thanks to you. What in the world are we supposed to do with them?
America’s colleges and universities are a millstone around her neck… and the water’s getting deeper.