It taked somb yeers Butt we “fynoly” done It!!!!!
Frist we hadded Graides! Well evry-boddy thay knows “that” Graides thay “Are” Racist!!!!!! Thenn “it” whent To Pass & Fale! But evry-boddy thay knows that Pass-/Fale it is Abel-ist!!!!!
Now its Jist Pass, evry boddy thay Passes!!!!! No moar hurted Feeelings!!!!!! Butt “thare” is Still One Moar Steppe “togo”!”!”
Afftur foar (4!) yeers “In” Collidge,, Evry-boddy thay gets “the” Onners Deegree “of” Thair Choysse!!!!!!! I amb goingto Get a Deegree “In” Fizzicks,, i lyke fizzy Soder!!!! Thiss heer it is Haow Amairacka it is the Bestist-Eddicaytid Nashin “in” “The” Whirld!!!! This whil keeep Going “un-till” evry-boddy “inthe” U.SA has a addvants’d Deegree!!!!!! No othor Cuountrie cann Mach It!!!!!!!!
Naow yiu Are probbly aksing yore Selph “Haow comb he Putt “up” pixture Of Ameba Sissturs???”? Wal ghess waht!!? Themb too (2!) Ameba Systurs thay Wur “the” frist stodents to Get onners Deegrees “in” Past Lyves Of Souper Heeroes”!~” Awl yiu has to doo Is Show Up!!!!!!!!!!
Cerberus, in case you were wondering
Somehow, years ago, America blundered into the delusion that everybody–yes, everybody–ought to go to college. Why everybody ought to go to college was never made clear. ‘Cause Cerberus’ll getcha, if ya don’t?
‘Higher Education’: A Model That Can’t Work
So you wind up with two million dullards with degrees in Nothing Studies, and more debt than they’ll ever be able to pay off–especially with their microscopic earning power–and then what? But that’s another one of those questions that no one has answered.
I think I’d rather face Cerburus than our current education system.
[Editor’s Note: The nooze today is the same old cow-flop we had last week. Now turn we unto Quokka University.]
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, at Quokka University, with an announcement that’s guaranteed to shiver your timbers!
Alone among the world’s centers of Higher Education, Quokka U. has announced a four-year degree program in… Piracy! Aye, matey, I sez piracy! Avast! We has it all, sez I–treasure maps, walking the plank, crazy coats and hats, bottles o’ rum, cannons and cutlasses–everything you need to cut a fine figure on the Spanish Main!
Living as we do on an island, a lot of us quokkas have thought about turning pirate. But we didn’t know how! I mean, we drew up our own treasure maps and then went looking for the treasure, and never found any. Davy Jones must’ve laughed his keister off. I mean, look at that picture of me: you’re gunner make a pirate out of that?
Well, blow me down! Now ain’t that just what we been lookin’ for?
Scholarships are going to be made available. For information, call your local mayor’s office.
Despite the financial beating they took in 2017, these two bastions of higher mis-education are still in business.
Wacko Lefty Colleges Get Hit Where It Hurts
Like the old high school football chant says, “Hit ’em again, hit ’em again, harder, harder!” We haven’t heard of any college or university that has actually been forced to close its doors. That’s only going to happen if the alumni stop writing checks and the rest of us somehow convince those snorts on Capitol Hill to stop pouring billions of dollars in tax money down the college drain.
It would also be extremely helpful if we stopped sending our kids there. I mean, how badly does anybody need a degree in Gender Studies?
While Lee goes off to bang his head against the wall after a morning of studying the nooze, we’re creating a new department for Quokka University!
Byron the Quokka here, mates–and that’s Loueezee the Quokka looking back over her shoulder at the first little stirrings of our university’s Dept. of Made-Up Languages. We’ve been advised by the Global University Accreditation Board (GUAB–easy to remember! “Have you got your GUAB?”) that every accredited university or college must include in its curriculum a certain percentage of “studies” that are demonstrably useless. Otherwise, no GUAB certificate!
So we’re gonna offer a whole degree program in Made-Up Languages, most of them made up right there in the classroom. We are shooting for something even more useless than Superhero Studies. It’s gonna cost extra tuition, too!
Classes will be held in the bum-bum bushes immediately behind that old dead tree where Art Depreciation meets. There aren’t going to be any professors. It seems no one wants to be a professor of Made-Up Languages. You can usually talk Albert the Wallaby into anything, but even he didn’t want this. “Yer ammy befrond!” he said. He was either quoting Constable Chumley or saying something rude in a language that he just made up.
We have to create a few more departments before we can open for business; but I think we’ll have a pretty easy time getting our GUAB.
Who knew you could get a Ph.D. in this?
Here’s proof that no one can keep track of the vast cyclones of idiocy sweeping through our (ahem!) “higher education” system.
Did you know you can get a Ph.D. in Fat Studies? I didn’t know that. Why, it “builds on the tradition of gender studies and queer studies” (https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-fat-studies-63108). What could be more edifying? More illuminating?
Yessir, for just a couple hundred thousand dollars, you can become an accredited expert on Being Fat and What It Feels Like To Be Fat and How Mean Thin People Are.
How much more proof do you need that America has ten times more college/university than is good for us, and desperately needs to defund the whole shebang?
As for why anyone would ever shell out bucks for this–well, we really have done a job on our culture, haven’t we?
Go figure: they want you to “celebrate” and be “Proud” of fatness–and at the same time, the same people want to forbid you to have a large soda or a piece of cake.
Well, no one ever said liberals are sane.
Now that Doddering Joe has chosen his running mate, Whatsername, expect to see this inanity dragged out of the mothballs for another go-round.
What are we supposed to do with a couple million numbskulls with degrees in Gender Studies and Intersectional Political Ecology of Superheroes? And Democrats want to make more of them–lots more.
There is no room for doubt: their goal is to wreck the country.
What’s missing from this picture?
Democrat presidential candidates say canceling a total of $1.5 trillion in college student debt will stimulate the economy (https://fortune.com/2019/11/29/student-debt-cancellation-plans-economy/). Instead of shelling out $500 a month to repay student loans, all these Stupid Studies grads are going to go out and buy homes and cars, etc.
So where does the $1.5 trillion go? Does it just disappear? Who’s going to wind up paying it?
Uh… you do! You and I and all the rest of the suckers who didn’t take out enormous loans to go to college.
Doesn’t sound too stimulating to me.
Wait a sec, I have a better idea.
Defund the colleges and looniversities. Stop pouring money into them–federal grants and tuition payments. Discard this preposterous idea that everybody has to go to freakin’ college.
If you really want to stimulate the economy, big-time, and save our culture while you’re at it, get the government out of the “education” business altogether. If we must have public education–really, must we?–return control of it to the local communities where it belongs.
(Thanks to Susan for the nooze tip)
Okay, who’s surprised about this? A study shows that Far Left college professors outnumber conservatives, 12-1 (https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/oct/6/liberal-professors-outnumber-conservatives-12-1/). The researchers surveyed 40 “leading universities” and found the faculty voter registration figures to be about 3,600 Democrat to only 300 Republican. It sounds like Thermopylae.
Why the huge disparity?
The researchers reasoned–rather shrewdly, I thought–that the main cause of this has been academic disciplines “branching out” into Silly Studies–women’s studies, gender studies, Everything Is Racist studies, and all the rest of it–that no conservative professor could ever bring himself to “teach.”
Job One for our colleges is to crank out more Far Left crazies. Job Two is to expand perpetually, so as to find jobs for as many of these chowderheads as possible. That a vast swath of them are totally unemployable even by colleges is of no concern.
Public schools, teachers’ unions, our grotesquely overgrown “higher education” system–kill these, and Far Left Crazy dies. In America, at least, what we laughingly call “education” is leftism’s life support system.
That alone is ample reason to defund it.
I jist fowned out Today that the Collidge “it” “is” “on” Sumer Vacasion!! Wy didnt noboddy Tell me??? No wunder my Class Roombs thay “are” emty Halff “the” time!!
A lott of the Stodents in Superheroe Studdies thay are “stilll” on Campas and i amb kinda jellice becose wen Thay gradurate thay wil reely “Be” Super Herose!!!! In facked “thay” are awlreddy Practising fore it,, thay are tryying On thare Cosstombs and runing aruond “all over” the Campas beeing Super Herose! That”s one “of” thare Prefessers up thare in The pixture!!!
In Nothing Studdies witch is My majer we are ownly lerning “how To” be nothings! That “is” wy I amb jellice!! I wish weed get Cosstombs tooo,, i wood lyke a Nothing Cosstomb!!!!!
I wood lyke to be the kinda Super Heroe whoo flys and locks up Evry Boddy whoo thay is Not “a” Socile Jutstice Worrier;: i wood lock themb Up “in” “a” Jale at the bottum “of The” ocian!!! i wood ware a red Cape whith a pixture of Chay “on” it!!! Butt i gotta saye Nothing Studdies it is moar Fun then Superheroe Studdies,, we whach Cartoons and maike “things” Out “of” Play–Doh!!!! And i am goood “at” It!!!!!!