Your Ticket to Ride

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Tired of everybody hating you because you’re white? Tired of everything you do being chalked up to “white privilege”? And when you self-identify as an Oppressed Minority, nobody believes you?

Well, we’re here to help! For a trifling fee of $2,800, and a few hair and saliva samples, DNA ‘R’ Us will find that Oppressed Minority that’s long been hidden in your family tree. But don’t take our word for it! Senator and likely presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren, whose “You didn’t build that!” quote you’ve probably heard a lot, can vouch for us:

“My career was going nowhere fast, until DNA ‘R’ Us found that Cherokee chief among my ancestors! It just took off from there! No way they’re gonna hold back an Oppressed Minority, when they can score big Diversity Points by hiring me and giving me tenure. My ancestor said ‘How’–but I say ‘And how!'”

Yes, this is your ticket to ride! This is how you shed White Privilege! Acquire instant respect and sympathy from all liberals everywhere, and all sorts of perks and goodies that would have been withheld from you forever if you’d just stayed white. Never find yourself on the short end of any argument again!

A final word from the author of this blog:

“Imagine my delight when DNA ‘R’ Us discovered that my great-great-great-great-great-whatever-grandfather was a Jebusite! Hum, baby, does the world owe me! And just watch me collect!”


10 comments on “Your Ticket to Ride

  1. What amazes me is that they think this sort of racist rhetoric is somehow a good thing, or that they fail to see it as racism. When you vilify and demonize a specific group of people, bad things always happen.

    1. That’s a great point. There’s more attention given to one’s racial origins these days than fifty years ago. If you want to eliminate racial hatred you have to promote the premise of equality, not magnify differences.

    2. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that there is more racism today than there was just 8 years ago. I certainly don’t recall hearing about it. I’ve also said the same thing, we have to focus on our commonalities, not our differences. That is the whole problem with diversity.

    3. Yeah, but this is the only thing liberalism has left, unless you want to count Climbit Change, and they’re not going to give it up.

  2. Will Comrade Warren donate all of her wealth and possessions to the poor and downtrodden like Comrade Kommissar Barnie Sandlers?
    Kommissar Sandlers probably has lots of room at his lakefront home to take in the homeless victims of the evil racist capitalist pig white male patriarchy.

  3. Great blog post, Lee. Thanks for the insight on how I can escape my white privilege (it has been giving me nightmares in my sleep). My Dad was an orphan and did not know who his parents were, so I can claim I am part black (my Dad was raised in Virginia) or I can claim I am part Native American (I can get a very deep reddish tan). I can’t believe Conservative websites aren’t beating down your door for articles from you.

  4. Everyone keep sending DNA samples in. What a scam – and a great way for the government to start collecting DNA from everyone (that is, everyone silly enough to actually do this!) along with anyone who manages to get arrested so the ‘authorities’ can ‘legally’ collect it. Paleeezzz! Does this sound cynical? It is!

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