We will guarantee to find an Oppressed Minority somewhere in your family tree, or your money back! Does everybody hate you ’cause you’re white? That all comes to a dead stop when you flash ’em the papers that prove you’re a Parthian or something.
Goodbye, Columbus! No, no, not the movie–I mean, really, goodbye, Columbus, Ohio.
To appease assorted Far Left weirdos, the city of Columbus has voted to change its name to Clan Mother Elizabeth Warren Community, in recognition of the Massachusetts Senator’s fantastic claim to be a Native American. The DNA test says she’s wrong, but you know how they lie. The DNA test says world chess champ Magnus Carlsen, born and bred in Norway, has more Native American blood than Elizabeth Warren. Just goes to show you how racist those tests are.
The Columbus City Council has also voted to change the names of all the streets in the city, followed by a mandatory name change for each resident. Every new name must somehow “convey praise for Native Americans,” explained City Manager Native Americans Invented The Internet (formally Hiram Plotnick).
All monuments in the city will be removed, he added, and replaced by states of Elizabeth Warren. The City Council has hailed her as “Ms. Authentic, the Real Deal, makes Hiawatha look like a Greek.”
The Columbus Clippers Triple-A baseball team will now be the Clan Mother Elizabeth Warren Community Clippers. “It has a certain ring to it,” said third base coach Smokey Malone, just before shooting himself.
[Editor’s note: It’s my intention that this will be the only post I make about politics today. I don’t want to chase away my readers.]
Gee, what’s not to like about Elizabeth Warren? Compulsive liar who always gets caught. Fraud and race hustler: “hire me because I’m a Native American!” Supports open borders, transgender, Green New Deal, and all the other lunatic public policies sponsored by Democrats and feared and hated by normal people. And a world-class waffler: was her “Medicare for All” project ever the same for two days in a row?
But according to the alleged nooze network CNN, none of that mattered, not one little bit. Warren only lost in the Democrat primaries because… of sexism! People didn’t vote for her because she’s a woman! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiyMqikMdU4). You heard it on the TV nooze!
As if this weren’t bizarre enough, the nits at CNN waited till 3:30 in the morning (!) to launch into their denunciation of sexist Democrat voters who refused to vote for Pocahontas Warren. Who did they think was watching CNN at 3:30 in the morning?
Again: do these people, these identity politics idiots, have any idea of what a president is, or what a president is supposed to do? Do they think a presidential election is only held to provide some kind of validation for their whiny, entitled, self-important group–like every bunch of whiners gets a turn to own the White House?
You put the wrong person in the White House, and millions of people suffer. Maybe they die, or maybe they just lose everything. Maybe it’s another country that the incompetent president trashes. Or maybe he trashes America, following this or that psychotic public policy dreamed up by liberals. Even a good person, with better than average wits, experienced advisers, and all the good intentions in the world, can make a hash of the presidency. That’s how hard a job it is. So you don’t turn it over to some chipmunk just because she looks like you.
But these are noozies, these are liberals, and they hate America and want to “transform” it into God forbid we ever find out what.
After this week’s food fight–oops, I mean “debate”–which one of these do you want to see become our president?
The loopy vice president, as crooked as they come, who says things that make you question his very sanity. Like, the other night: “150 million people in the U.S. have been killed by gun violence since 2007.” Dude, you were in office for eight of those 13 years. Didn’t you notice it then? This guy is about two legs short of a three-legged stool.
Then there’s the compulsive liar who always gets caught in her lies–you know, the phony Native American, who lied about her father being a janitor, lied about being fired because she was pregnant. Never tells the truth.
And the socialist upchuck who went to the Soviet Union for his honeymoon and has stocked his campaign team with hooligans. He’s the front runner, so far.
Don’t forget the revolting little sodomite who was a mayor once: who says there’s no place for you in his Democrat party unless you’re gung-ho for abortion, says religious liberty ends where “gay rights” begins, and has the chutzpah to wave a Bible around and pretend that he’s read it.
And the billionaire who says the Party owes him something–owes him a presidential nomination, by thunder–after he spent $100 million in 2018 to elect enough Democrats to capture control of the House of Representatives. “I bought those seats!” he started to say; but he caught himself and changed it to, “I got those seats.” Mr. Tact. Then he brags about his perfect understanding of virtually everything, and talks about how most people are just plain too dumb to run their lives without his direction.
Which of these do you want to be president?
Can you believe a major political party has actually generated this gaggle of candidates?
It looks like the old commie’s going to have enough delegates, going into the convention, to nail down the nomination. Unless something…er… happens (heh-heh). I’m sure they can buy him off; but the thugs and wackos who support him might react a little violently to that. “I am, regrettably, dropping out for reasons of health…”
And in the wings, like a spider, waits… Hillary.
Well, some of us have prayed the Lord to put the Democrat Party out of business, forever.
How about it, America? Are you getting mad yet? Mad at the Washington establishment, I mean–the Deep State. The Swamp.
They’ve been trying to overturn the 2016 presidential election since Election Night. Our votes don’t count, it seems. We were supposed to elect their candidate, Crooked Hillary. We didn’t, and so it’s been one damned thing after another–the Russian Collusion hoax, the Ukraine hoax, the impeachment that’s not an impeachment: not one day has passed without them trying to nullify our vote.
They refuse to enforce our borders.
They treat our money, that we worked for, like it was their money, which they didn’t.
While they shop around for bigger, better mansions, they want to Save The Planet by taking away the amenities we have.
They purposely foment racial strife, just to serve their own political ends.
They want to, and work to, “transform America” into God knows what–and pray we never find out.
And not one of them has been carted off to jail! Not one. They’re all strutting around as free as the wind. As free as Hunter Biden.
Elizabeth Warren thinks we need to pay “reparations.” Strike off more of that money that you worked for, but she didn’t. They’re so good at giving away other people’s money.
I don’t know about you, but it makes me mad to see them partying 24/7 at our expense. I don’t like to be governed by crooks and mountebanks.
They’re having a great time, and we’re paying for it. That really ought to make us mad.
Is there any doubt that these “teachers” are communists? Red banner with clenched fist–that ought to tell you something, eh?
Communists who want more money.
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, trying to resolve the labor dispute, revealed her total cluelessness when she spoke of how kids “won’t be in classrooms with teachers who hold the keys to their success.” Did I hear that right?
Democrat presidential wannabes are flocking to the support of the striking communists. Bernie Sanders was first on the scene. Now Elizabeth Warren says she’ll go, too–because the communist teachers, she says, are “fighting for the future of our students.” I’m surprised she wasn’t struck by lightning for telling such a lie.
But parents, this is a golden opportunity. Now is your chance to go on strike against these money-wasting awful schools! Do you realize that if you keep your kids out of those schools, there’ll be no more Chicago Teachers Union? Dictator Maduro will have to find some other American communists to lick his boots.
Hey! You pay all the bills–but you don’t get to decide who teaches in those schools and who doesn’t, or what gets taught and what doesn’t. All you do is pay! What kind of a sucker deal is that–huh? Homeschool! Christian school! And leave those jerks with their red banners out there to twist in the wind.
In her continuing quest for verifiable minority status, Democrat presidential candidate Sen. Elizabeth Warren says “You all misunderstood me! I didn’t mean I was descended from Native Americans. I meant those other Indians–the ones in India. I am a direct descendant of Whatsisname Gandhi!”
As proof of her claim, Sen. Warren says “I always had this thing for Nehru jackets, and I really like curry. So if you elect me president, you won’t have to worry about me exercising any of that White Privilege!”
If you couldn’t help believing this for a moment there–well, what does that say about this woman’s politics?
Democrats want to suck more money out of your paycheck–but only if you’re “white,” and thus responsible for every problem in the world, and deserving of no consideration whatsoever–and dole it out to their favorite voting bloc, African-Americans… minus the thick chunks of it that are bound to stick to their fingers.
Well, my Newswithviews column got past whoever’s been sabotaging Chalcedon. Our website is still down this morning. Please pray for us, everybody. And feel free to wonder who’s next. They want all Christian and conservative voices shut down before the 2020 election.
Meanwhile, if there is any more outrageously unjust scheme than “reparations,” other than slavery itself, I don’t know what that could be.
Remember, from seventh-grade civics, that thing about the Constitutional protection against ex post facto laws–that is, you couldn’t be tried for doing something that wasn’t against the law at the time you did it? Oh, you had no seventh-grade civics; never had civics at all… Well, if you were better educated than Sen. Warren, you’d know it’s unconstitutional to punish anyone for a) things they didn’t do, b) things that weren’t illegal at the time, or c) things they didn’t have the power to prevent.
But then we are talking about a woman who jump-started her whole career with a totally false claim that she was a Native American.
Speaking of which, Pocahontas wants reparations for them, too.
Let’s see… reparations for blacks, homosexuals, Native Americans… who’s gonna feel hard done by, if they get left off the list? Trannies, surely. Illegal aliens. Gang members. And let’s not forget the biggest aggrieved minority of them all–women! Definitely reparations for women, who were kept down, who were second-class citizens, for centuries. Go ahead, tell me they weren’t.
While we’re at it, I would like some reparations money, too. My ancestors on both sides of the Rhine were enslaved and tormented and massacred by the Romans. I should get some dough for that!
But there’s also atheists, pagans, short people, tall people, ugly people who couldn’t get dates in high school, fat people who always got picked last when choosing up sides, stupid people, silly people, highly intelligent people who got called names…
Where do we stop?
And don’t worry about what it’ll cost! Like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez always says, we can just print up more money whenever we run out! And she’s got a degree in economics.
Democrat Senators Elizabeth Warren (Massachusetts) and Bernie Sanders (Vermont) have proposed a new Constitutional amendment “to guarantee fair elections.”
The draft of the amendment says: “If there is a consensus among prominent news media personalities, academics, and Hollywood celebrities that the American electorate made an error in their choice for president, the election shall be ruled void, the elected candidate shall be removed from office, and the losing candidate shall be installed in his or her or xer place.”
“They’re calling it ‘the Do-Over Amendment,'” Sanders said, “but that’s wrong because the election won’t be done over: the losing candidate will simply be declared the winner and take office as such. It’s not like the country will turn over and capsize. We just want to ensure that the right people get elected.”
“Wahoo!” added Sen. Warren. “I think I’m gonna get me another beer.”
The official title of the measure is “the Fair and Honest Elections Amendment.” So far, every Democrat in America has endorsed it, along with the editorial staffs of The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Daily Worker. Actor Alec Baldwin has promised “117 percent support from the creative community.” The National Education Assn. is also on board, and first-term Representative and former bartender Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has commented, “Like, wow!”
Funding has been promised by George Soros’ Foundation for Pure Evil.