It ain’t Social Justice to take things from another culture–be it a costume, a kind of music, a cuisine, whatever–and just go ahead and use them as if they belonged to your own no-good stupid culture. That’s called Cultural Appropriation, and it’s got to stop.
Dr. Hamilcar Suzuki, president of the Phoenician Movement for Sure (PMS), wants the alphabet back.
“We invented it, back in ancient times, and it’s our stuff and we want it back!” declares Suzuki. “All over the world, people and other Racists use our alphabet without so much as a by-your-leave, to say nothing of payment of due royalties and residuals. The Greeks stole the alphabet from us, the Romans stole it from the Greeks, and now everybody’s got it and we don’t see a dime of what’s coming to us! Say hey, if you won’t pay, then you can’t play! It’s our alphabet, they have to pay to use it, and if they won’t, then let ’em use that crummy old cuneiform or Egyptian hieroglyphics.”
Although PMS currently has only two members, Dr. Suzuki and his niece, Wanda, the United Nations has recognized it as a bona fide non-governmental organization and granted it a seat among its official NGOs.
“Anyone who wants to use the alphabet can now pay for it through the UN,” Suzuki says. “Make checks payable to cash–and strike a blow for Social Justice while you’re at it.”