Educators Recognize ‘Centaur’ as an ‘Identity’

Centaur of Attention (Horse) - Centaur - T-Shirt | TeePublic AU

We were bound to get to this point sooner or later: crackbrained authority figures insisting we “affirm” whatever “identity” someone chooses to adopt–even if it’s a mythological creature that has never existed.

School officials at Hangem High School in Yuggoth, Michigan, now recognize “any and all identities” claimed by students and staff, and compel the entire school population to recognize them, too (http// The school is redesigning the cafeteria to accommodate three students who insist they are centaurs.

Thanks to the revolutionary new policy, Hangem High’s student body and teaching staff now include three centaurs, seven vampires, Prince Charles, two mutually hostile Barack Obamas, a Dilophosaurus, Nancy Pelosi, the Lone Ranger, and Chuck Schumer’s Love Child–just to name a few.

“This has worked out very well indeed!” says Principal Albert “Clarabelle” Fanoogi, who now wears a clown costume when he patrols the school’s hallways, from time to time squirting students with a seltzer dispenser.

P.S.–April Fool!

12 comments on “Educators Recognize ‘Centaur’ as an ‘Identity’

  1. Very funny. Same to you. Really, this was hysterical. Whar’s Howdy have to say about it? The Lone Ranger – really? Is that like “which one is not like the others?” Or should I just stop picking it apart and continue laughing…

  2. You know, Lee, I wouldn’t have been amused if this was actually a reality. I’d be sick to my stomach over it. Great April Foolery! As long as life does not wind up imitatng it.

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