They never did catch the centaur who got away. He melted effortlessly into the general population. As for the raptor farm, so far all efforts to shut it down have been overturned by a federal judge appointed by President *Batteries Not Included.
We were bound to get to this point sooner or later: crackbrained authority figures insisting we “affirm” whatever “identity” someone chooses to adopt–even if it’s a mythological creature that has never existed.
School officials at Hangem High School in Yuggoth, Michigan, now recognize “any and all identities” claimed by students and staff, and compel the entire school population to recognize them, too (http//:www.liketotallyfullofit.com). The school is redesigning the cafeteria to accommodate three students who insist they are centaurs.
Thanks to the revolutionary new policy, Hangem High’s student body and teaching staff now include three centaurs, seven vampires, Prince Charles, two mutually hostile Barack Obamas, a Dilophosaurus, Nancy Pelosi, the Lone Ranger, and Chuck Schumer’s Love Child–just to name a few.
“This has worked out very well indeed!” says Principal Albert “Clarabelle” Fanoogi, who now wears a clown costume when he patrols the school’s hallways, from time to time squirting students with a seltzer dispenser.
I am trying to think of some famous centaurs who played a positive role in history–well, good luck with that. Unless you count Albert Einstein as a centaur. There’s no proof that he was, but who uses proof anymore?
When I wrote this, I was still coming to grips with the idea that it’s The Narrative that matters in Journalism, not the facts. As you will see from the following examples, I came very close to mastering The New Journalism.
Wel lets See “the” Climbit Chainge Denilers get Out “of” thiss one!!!!!
This hear is a actural fotograft “of” a Wiled Sentor standding aruound doing Nothing! It whas takin behynd somone’s House in ether Mitchagin or Spane (i fourget witch one) or else som Other Staite!!
As we has lernt in Femmanast Zooolagy themb Sentors thay ownly “come Out” wen thare is Climbit Chainge and Globle Worming!! Som Hater he sayed Sentors thay “are” jist Mathollagy fromb wen thare was only Greeeks and no otther kineds of peple whoo Did Not Evolv yet but six of us we throed his Byke “in” the Pond so he Shut Up!!
Sentors are Danjeras becose thay “go” to Chick-Fill-Ay wen thare isnt no one looking and thenn “thay” come Out and do Racism! and aslo thay Stop peple fromb Recykling! and thay “are” Hard “to” see unlest yiu Smoak a lott of wheed otherwhys thay jist sort Of “blend in to” the Backround!!! its No Joak a Hand Made zhe was kilt bye a Sentor wile zhe whas Eating Luntch that hapened in Scott Land or somplaice!!!
“The” only whay to Stop Sentors is iff Evry One thay has to pay A Carbin Tacks and not has cars no moar and let the Govermint “racion” Toylet Paper!!! We has got To Stop Globble Worming!! and Climbit Chainge!!! and than “the” Sentors thay “whil” go “awway”!!!!!