Centaurs have heaped up a pretty raunchy reputation over the years, but now they don’t want anyone to talk about it.
I am trying to think of some famous centaurs who played a positive role in history–well, good luck with that. Unless you count Albert Einstein as a centaur. There’s no proof that he was, but who uses proof anymore?
When I wrote this, I was still coming to grips with the idea that it’s The Narrative that matters in Journalism, not the facts. As you will see from the following examples, I came very close to mastering The New Journalism.
“How did you do that, Lee?”
I just made it all up!
I’ll be getting job offers from the networks any day now.
Wel lets See “the” Climbit Chainge Denilers get Out “of” thiss one!!!!!
This hear is a actural fotograft “of” a Wiled Sentor standding aruound doing Nothing! It whas takin behynd somone’s House in ether Mitchagin or Spane (i fourget witch one) or else som Other Staite!!
As we has lernt in Femmanast Zooolagy themb Sentors thay ownly “come Out” wen thare is Climbit Chainge and Globle Worming!! Som Hater he sayed Sentors thay “are” jist Mathollagy fromb wen thare was only Greeeks and no otther kineds of peple whoo Did Not Evolv yet but six of us we throed his Byke “in” the Pond so he Shut Up!!
Sentors are Danjeras becose thay “go” to Chick-Fill-Ay wen thare isnt no one looking and thenn “thay” come Out and do Racism! and aslo thay Stop peple fromb Recykling! and thay “are” Hard “to” see unlest yiu Smoak a lott of wheed otherwhys thay jist sort Of “blend in to” the Backround!!! its No Joak a Hand Made zhe was kilt bye a Sentor wile zhe whas Eating Luntch that hapened in Scott Land or somplaice!!!
“The” only whay to Stop Sentors is iff Evry One thay has to pay A Carbin Tacks and not has cars no moar and let the Govermint “racion” Toylet Paper!!! We has got To Stop Globble Worming!! and Climbit Chainge!!! and than “the” Sentors thay “whil” go “awway”!!!!!
This young woman’s choice is ill-advised…
The controversy over the reality of centaurs remains as lively as it’s ever been. I think that’s a true statement.
Note the first appearance of Jeremy Coldsore as a NASA scientist, before Violet Crepuscular promoted him to the lordship of Coldsore Hall.
If anybody really knows about centaurs, he does.
This little blog scooped all the Big Media on these red-hot news stories, three years ago. In fact, the Big Media have yet to catch up.
How distressing it is to think we had John Kerry as our secretary of state, and almost had him as our president.
Back when I wrote this harmless little satire, that’s all it was. Real life has had four years to catch up to it, and I’m afraid they’re almost neck and neck by now.
In case you missed it, one of my all-time most popular posts…
They are certainly as real as Social Justice.
In an announcement that has rocked that part of the scientific world that concerns itself with centaurs, Dr. Hobart Dogbed, Professor of Comparative Gender Studies at Jidrool University, has solved the mystery of centaur evolution.
“I laugh when I think of how long it took us to work this out,” he said, “but it’s obvious, isn’t it? Centaurs evolved from special apes!”
The thing that was special about these apes was that they were half ape and half horse. Dr. Dogbed calls them Ape-taurs.
Although no fossil remains of any Ape-taurs have been found, Dr. Dogbed defends his theory as “the only one possible. Only racists and Anti-Science fascist biggits would deny it. Since when do we have to show fossils of any of this stuff?”
The Ape-taurs, he said, lived in what is now the Bellyup Nature Preserve “somewhere in Africa” and lived in perfect harmony with all other species. “It was only when the top half started to evolve into a human that centaurs began to get a reputation as troublemakers,” he said. “But that’s what always happens when apes evolve into humans.”
Dr. Dogbed is also an associate professor of Superhero Studies somewhere in Africa.
Mrs. Sondra Wrzjbrsky of Parts Unknown, Nebraska, has written to warn me off writing about centaurs. Actually, with this keyboard, it’s surprising I can write about anything.
“It will not be tolerated,” wrote Mrs. W. “Centaurs are not without influence in high places. If you want to find out how a loaf of bread feels when you run over it with a car, just keep right on doing what you’re doing, mister.”
Mrs. Wrzjbrsky also objects of the non-inclusion of centaurs in my novels. “You’ll be up on hate speech charges. Mark my words!”
Enough. Tomorrow I have to search for a data recovery shop in hopes of recovering the data from my failed computer. This is complicated by being unable to print out directions to the place. I won’t have time to worry about offending centaurs.
This just in!
Bunion Township police were at first incredulous when a woman sobbed out a tale of “some kind of horse thing with a beard” snatched her purse and “galloped, I tell you” into the dense forest lining both sides of Popocatapetl Road. But when the construction of an Indenti-Kit picture yielded the image of a centaur, they had to take the story seriously.
It is not known what the centaur will do with the woman’s purse. Meanwhile, interviews with residents have confirmed that there is a half-man, half-horse thingy living in the area. “I come out one morning and he was using my trampoline,” a man reported.
At first skeptical of the reports, Mayor Alphonse Testacol has just announced a $15.00 reward to the first person who can provide video of the centaur.
“It could get tricky,” said Police Chief Warren Peece, “if the centaur disguises itself with makeup from the purse.”