This young woman’s choice is ill-advised…
The controversy over the reality of centaurs remains as lively as it’s ever been. I think that’s a true statement.
Note the first appearance of Jeremy Coldsore as a NASA scientist, before Violet Crepuscular promoted him to the lordship of Coldsore Hall.
If anybody really knows about centaurs, he does.
This little blog scooped all the Big Media on these red-hot news stories, three years ago. In fact, the Big Media have yet to catch up.
How distressing it is to think we had John Kerry as our secretary of state, and almost had him as our president.
Back when I wrote this harmless little satire, that’s all it was. Real life has had four years to catch up to it, and I’m afraid they’re almost neck and neck by now.
In case you missed it, one of my all-time most popular posts…
They are certainly as real as Social Justice.
In an announcement that has rocked that part of the scientific world that concerns itself with centaurs, Dr. Hobart Dogbed, Professor of Comparative Gender Studies at Jidrool University, has solved the mystery of centaur evolution.
“I laugh when I think of how long it took us to work this out,” he said, “but it’s obvious, isn’t it? Centaurs evolved from special apes!”
The thing that was special about these apes was that they were half ape and half horse. Dr. Dogbed calls them Ape-taurs.
Although no fossil remains of any Ape-taurs have been found, Dr. Dogbed defends his theory as “the only one possible. Only racists and Anti-Science fascist biggits would deny it. Since when do we have to show fossils of any of this stuff?”
The Ape-taurs, he said, lived in what is now the Bellyup Nature Preserve “somewhere in Africa” and lived in perfect harmony with all other species. “It was only when the top half started to evolve into a human that centaurs began to get a reputation as troublemakers,” he said. “But that’s what always happens when apes evolve into humans.”
Dr. Dogbed is also an associate professor of Superhero Studies somewhere in Africa.
Mrs. Sondra Wrzjbrsky of Parts Unknown, Nebraska, has written to warn me off writing about centaurs. Actually, with this keyboard, it’s surprising I can write about anything.
“It will not be tolerated,” wrote Mrs. W. “Centaurs are not without influence in high places. If you want to find out how a loaf of bread feels when you run over it with a car, just keep right on doing what you’re doing, mister.”
Mrs. Wrzjbrsky also objects of the non-inclusion of centaurs in my novels. “You’ll be up on hate speech charges. Mark my words!”
Enough. Tomorrow I have to search for a data recovery shop in hopes of recovering the data from my failed computer. This is complicated by being unable to print out directions to the place. I won’t have time to worry about offending centaurs.
This just in!
Bunion Township police were at first incredulous when a woman sobbed out a tale of “some kind of horse thing with a beard” snatched her purse and “galloped, I tell you” into the dense forest lining both sides of Popocatapetl Road. But when the construction of an Indenti-Kit picture yielded the image of a centaur, they had to take the story seriously.
It is not known what the centaur will do with the woman’s purse. Meanwhile, interviews with residents have confirmed that there is a half-man, half-horse thingy living in the area. “I come out one morning and he was using my trampoline,” a man reported.
At first skeptical of the reports, Mayor Alphonse Testacol has just announced a $15.00 reward to the first person who can provide video of the centaur.
“It could get tricky,” said Police Chief Warren Peece, “if the centaur disguises itself with makeup from the purse.”
The coverup is over! Centaurs are real, and the government cannot control them.
A centaur skeleton has escaped from a secret facility operated by the U.S. Secret Facilities Agency, according to reports by Clickbait. The skeleton escaped by pretending to be a skeleton. While custodians were counting the flesh-and-blood centaurs, the skeleton slipped out via the fire escape.
There is no cause for alarm, stated William “Boffo” Paczynski, mayor of Pleurisy City, Kentucky. His comment led to speculation that the secret facility is located in or near his town.
Persons catching sight of the fleeing centaur skeleton are advised to shut up about it.
A reader who wishes his identity protected at all costs arranged for this video to be smuggled out of a university’s gender research facility. “If they know it was me who gave you this, I’m toast,” he says. Well, Dr. Gesundheit, your secret’s safe with us!
The video, it is claimed–by who? search me–is proof positive that centaurs, like humans, are sometimes transgendered. “You’ll see that for yourself if you watch carefully,” said Name Withheld. “This is a blockbuster discovery–on a par with discovering a Blockbuster Video store still open. It just blows away everything we thought we knew about centaurs.”
See? See? Toldja, toldja! Centaurs are real! Look at this picture–centaurs can even get married, just like human beans! They can even have trendy beach weddings.
Joe Collidge assures us that this picture was not photo-shopped, but was, in fact, taken by “a reel Interllectural.” That means it’s true.
(As you can see, I’m shunning the news as a way of observing the Sabbath.)