Wow, what an adventure–wearing a mask to school! Eat your heart out, Tarzan!
Attention, comrades! Our comrades at Sesame Street have published a new book intended to “calm school anxiety” so the children can go back to learning about what a no-good rotten racist country America is!
Yes, comrades, Heroes Wear Masks teaches children that it’s easy to be a hero–just obey the party! And here you were, thinking you had to do something special or heroic when all you have to do is wear a face mask! And if you want to be a superhero, just be sure and wash your hands as often as Comrade Teacher tells you to.
Then you can settle down and be taught by Elmo and Big Bird that America is up to its eyeballs in Racism and you must support Only Black Lives Matter and it’s perfectly safe to riot–the coronavirus never interferes with a riot.
And, kiddies, be sure to let the Party know if any of the grownups in your family ever says anything hateful or non-inclusive or triggering or racist or anything else that the Party doesn’t like. If we send the offending party to the Camp, the Party will give you a lollipop!