G’day, g’day for the month o’ May–chicken-fat canning begins today!
Sorry, couldn’t resist that. That’s song’s a current craze here on Rottnest Island. All the quokkas are singing it.
Here are a few examples of this weekend’s edifying TV viewing, brought to you by Quokka University:
6:47 P.M. Ch. 03 ACTION NEWS–News/Circus Acts
The news is so much livelier when it’s delivered by persons swinging from a trapeze, bouncing up and down on trampolines, skateboarding, etc. Tired of anchors just sitting at a desk? Our anchor man, Chuck Thing, has to walk into the lions’ cage to read his cue cards!
7:00 P.M. Ch. 06 THE CONSCIENCE OF A HIT MAN–Crime Drama
Hugo Leapfrog (Liu Chia Hui) is the most feared hit man in America; but every time he ices somebody, he feels really bad about it! This week: Hugo is hired to assassinate a little girl who donates the proceeds of her lemonade stand to the poor and needy. Music by Incarcerated Persons.
Ch. 12 LEARN TO DRAW INEPT STICK FIGURES– Art lessons
“Anyone can learn to draw like a 3-year-old!” boasts instructor Punchy O’Brien, who gave up a disappointing boxing career (0-13, victim of 12 knockouts) to become an even worse artist. This week’s lesson–“How not to make the head too big, and getting the arms sort of the same size.” Featuring the June Taylor Dancers.
Ch. 19 MOVIE–Science Fiction/Indecipherable
In “Voyage to Planet Full of Monsters” (1991), Bob Dylan (Sylvester Stallone) plays interplanetary poet Izzy Kiddin, whose spaceship is hijacked by shoe creatures from The Planet Full of Monsters. There he must compose new poems in an alien language that he doesn’t understand–or else! Capt. Coccyx: Linda Lavin. Head Shoe Creature: Justin Trudeau.
7:30 P.M. Ch. 21 MY MOTHER THE IDIOT–Sitcom/Philosophy
How do you cope when your mother (Dame Judi Dench) has an irresistible urge to break into neighbors’ homes and draw stupid pictures on the walls? (She should have watched “Learn to Draw Inept Stick Figures”!) Son Mopy: Dean Jagger. Fussy Neighbor: Tony Randall. Insane Police Detective: Carol Channing. This week: the Fanablas’ pet Komodo dragon has Mom cornered–with no weapon but her magic marker!
Well, mates, how does that grab you? I know, I know–for you folks in America, it’s Labor Day weekend. You want to be outside. Well, bring your TV sets with you!
(They tell me I look like the Jersey Devil. No way!)