Are you ready for another weekend of glorious TV, acquired in secret by Quokka University?
G’day! Byron the Quokka here. Get yourself a handful of crunchy leaves and head for the nearest easy chair. Here are some samples.
7 P.M. Ch. 05 THE FOP–Crime Drama/Fashion
Ace detective Jimbo Fimbo (the Smothers Brothers) won’t get his hands dirty, and all his clothes are top-of-the-line high fashion. A lot of crimes go unsolved while he admires himself in the mirror (Telly Savalas). This week: Mayor Strumpet (Strother Martin) pleads with Jimbo to solve a kidnapping. Blind Pew: Sandy Duncan.
Ch. 14 BE YOUR OWN STUNT MAN!–Educational
Yes, you, too, can jump out of high windows or out of moving cars! All it takes is practice. Regular host and instructor Stumpy Gruber returns from that unfortunate accident with the riding mower to show this week’s guest how to fall down the stairs without breaking anything. Attending physician: Former M.D. Betty Woont.
7:17 P.M. Ch. 33 WEREWOLF NEWSROOM–News/Horror
This news studio is a ruined castle in Transylvania, with werewolf Sid Yatjac at the anchor’s desk, ready to undergo an agonizing shape-shift every time the moon is full. Weather: Count Steve (vampire). Sports: Cindy Indy from Rawalpindi (witch). With zombies as needed.
7:30 P.M. Ch. 61 MOVIE–Thriller
In “You Can’t Spell Bnx” (Swiss, 2002), the last cowboy in Budapest (Rip Torn) tries to organize a cattle drive to Brussels–can the June Taylor Dancers stop him? Sheriff Mayoroczy: Toshiro Mifune. Louise Bingle: Angela Mao. Three-year-old bearded boy with delusions of grandeur: Soupy Sales.
Ch. 84 CHUCKY HAS NO BRAINS–Formless twaddle
Retired from his career in horror movies, Chucky the Killer Doll now hosts a quiz show featuring flesh-and-blood human contestants who are dumber than he is. Get the answer wrong, and you’ll get hurt! This week’s Really Hard Question: “What do people study at clown school?” With Francisco Franco and his orchestra.
Well, folks, that’s that! Science says that watching these shows will eventually double your brain size! I don’t know. Wouldn’t that… hurt, if your skull size didn’t double, too? Byron the Quokka, signing off!