Church of England’s “Dwindling Congregation”

The Not-the-Church-of-England version

People are booking it out of the Church of England–but not to worry, the Church has got a plan! Simply bring in “gender-neutral” terms for God, and they’ll come pouring back in ( ‘Cause obviously they’re leaving because of all that “Our Father” stuff.

Do I hear Simon and Garfunkel singing The Dwindling Congregation?

“It’s an empty, hollow building, not a celebrant in sight,

And the cobwebs on the windows block out a lot of light.

And there’s no one at the service,

There’s nobody in the pews,

And the preacher stands there, lonely,

He has heard distressing news.

And the dwindling congregation, you can’t hear them say “Amen,”

And they won’t come back again…


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