Fox Taps ‘Huge Surprise!’ Replacement for Tucker Carlson

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Tommy Mudrock, V.P. in charge of Really Special Operations

Fox Nooze has had some trouble filling that 8 p.m. time slot since they canned their most popular host, Tucker Carlson, to appease the wrath of a company that provided voting machines in an extremely dubious election.

“Well, that trouble’s over!” crowed 10-year-old Tommy Mudrock, vice president in charge of Really Special Operation. “We have got that hole plugged but good! In two weeks they’ll forget Tucker Carlson ever existed!”

Who’s going to replace him?

“None other but the Superstar of Woke!” ululated Tommy. “I mean the Queen of Outer Space, the Pope of Pronouns–Dylan Mulvaney!”

But didn’t Mulvaney as an advertising icon cause Bud Light sales to plummet?

“My grandpa says that was only because they weren’t Woke enough,” trilled Tommy. “When you go Woke, go for broke! Don’t stop, don’t stop anywhere! That was the mistake Bud Light made. But this is Fox News and we won’t stop at all! Today transgender bathrooms–tomorrow the world!”


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