Introducing Chapter DCXLVIII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular, “the Queen of Suspense,” gets what she describes as “a shirty letter” from a reader in “that notorious pest-hole,” Bazooka Hills, New Jersey.
“If you stopped with those stupid introductions already, the book’d be only half as long as it is,” writes Bella Oxmix.
“If you stopped breathing you’d be a better person!” snaps Ms. Crepuscular.
Meanwhile poor Constable Chumley, trying to get the goods on the ritualized poking ring supposedly meeting in the back room of The Lying Tart, has caught sight of a picture of himself in his disguise as a ghost; and having forgotten it is only himself with a blanket over him, has had to be hospitalized for a massive panic attack. (Go ahead, I dare you to diagram that sentence!)
This has not comforted the author.
“I’ll fix that Bella Whatsit!” Ms Crepuscular vows. “Wait’ll I bring that rhino out of hibernation! Guess who’ll be the first ne’er-do-well to be impaled on its horn!”
I heard about a movie once, I think the title was Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia. It is said Ms. Crepuscular has memorized the entire screenplay.