Students protest the professor’s existence
A tenured professor of Ethics at People’s Democratic College has been fired for teaching “It’s good to be humble, kind, and gentle.”
“We all know that’s code for White Supremacy!” said Dean of Deans Larry Beria. “He’s lucky we have no felony hate speech law in this county–but I’m thinking we can always draw one up, just for him.”
The crunch came when progressive students broke into Professor T.J. Softlee’s office at night and discovered a King James Bible hidden in a desk drawer. College officials fired him the next day, and the students were rewarded with honorary Ph.D.s in Social Justice.
Two weeks ago, students walked out of Softlee’s class when he adopted a homeless kitten. Several of them were shocked badly enough to require therapy. The PDU Liberation Collective temporarily confiscated his car. “It was gas-powered–a declaration of war on The Planet!” said Beria.
College President Xi Jin-Ping said the incident “proves that we are totally dedicated to uniform diversity.”
A riot has been scheduled for this evening.