Introducing Chapter DCXLXI of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular, “The Queen Of Suspense,” takes some time to denounce a baby-sitter she once had.
“She was only 16 at the time,” writes Ms. Crepuscular, “but she was already headed for a life of crime, vice, and torpor! I can’t tell what my parents were thinking of, going out and leaving me alone with that woman! I was only six, how could I defend myself?”
[The editor sighs as he reads the long list of grievances against young Violet’s baby-sitter.]
There’s a homicidal rhinoceros on the loose in Scurveyshire, but we don’t think Ms. Crepuscular is going to get to it this week. She just keeps carrying on about that baby-sitter–whom she refuses to name.
“Trust me, you’d know this name if you heard it!” she writes. “In fact, you may have even once admired this appalling person. ‘Look what she’s achieved!’ you’ll say. To which I must reply, ‘Villains! Dissemble no more!'” She has been reduced to stealing a line from The Tell-Tale Heart.
We will try to get her back on track with the plot by next week.
We do not know what brought up the subject of the baby-sitter in the first place.
Never mind the plot, which seems to have vanished completely. And never mind the rampaging rhinoceros. Now Violet’s chapter numbering seems to have run even more amok than the rhino.
“Everyone’s a critic”
😛😛😛
One of the most evil people I ever met was my early childhood babysitter. I’m with Violet, on this one.