G’day, everybody! Are you settling into the new year? Are you looking for some great TV? Byron the Quokka here to help you find it. Like so:
6:42 P.M. Ch. 08 THE BANNED BAND–Variety, music
When was the last time you heard The Toilet Fixtures sing The Curse of an Aching Coccyx? Or Chucky Shooboo and Windex performing I’ve Got Hives in Hard-to-Get-At Places? Check it out! Your Host: A man with an uncanny resemblance to a poached egg.
6:45 P.M. Ch. 15 NEWS WITH GOGGLES–(Exactly what it sounds like)
If you’re one of those viewers who always thought news shows would be much, much better if everyone on screen wore goggles–well, your ship has come in! From anchorwoman Kathy Frogface down to the poor sod who has to plug in the overhead mike, they’re all in goggles! Even the sponsors.
7 P.M. Ch. 34 UNEXPLAINED MYSTERIES THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT–Ideal for hospital patients too weak to change channels
Have you ever wondered why there are no oceans on land? Or how come there are no fairies in Balmy Beach, Kansas? They couldn’t get Leonard Nimoy, but your host, Sid Pankovitz, looks enough like Nimoy to be his third cousin once removed. How about that? Another unexplained mystery!
7:10 P.M. Ch. 52 MOVIE–Rip-roaring Western with hand puppets
Mao Tse-tung’s hairdresser used all his influence to get this 220-minute hand-puppet Western made in 1966… only to be executed after the critics roasted it. Features the voices of various Chinese celebrities completely unknown to Western audiences! Plus musical themes stolen from American TV Westerns like The Rifleman, Rawhide, and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The remake is said to include a plot, but we don’t believe it.
Is that enough to get you started, folks? I’m gonna watch ’em all!
Grab some leaves and we’re good to go! Byron the Quokka, signing off.
Good job as always. Thanks for hanging in there. We enjoy your work.
“ Ideal for hospital patients too weak to change channels”
I think that describes most television, these days. 🙂