G’day, mates! Looks like that Biden thing has sucked all the air out of the room. Byron the Quokka here, tryin’ to pump some air back in. And how do we do that? With TV listings! Provided by Quokka University. Like these:
5 P.M. Ch. 03 SUPERMODEL SQUAD–Sheer idiocy
What if a bunch of supermodels got together to form an elite squad of crime fighters? This week: The Gals go up against a doddering old man who thinks he’s a pine tree. Jin-Jin: Francine Van Snoot. Froo-Froo: Jane Eyre. Doc Fimble: Some guy who looks like Ozzie Nelson.
Ch. 10 ASSORTED COCCYX AILMENTS–Sort of a doctor show
Join Dr. Myron Bilch, D.D.S., as he earns his reputation as “Coccyx Doctor to the Stars.” Today: She stars in the latest Cigar Wars movie, but is plagued by a coccyx that slips out of place whenever she gets up from a chair. Brought to you by Acme Sousaphones.
5:16 P.M. Ch. 62 NEWS WITH THE JUNE TAYLOR DANCERS–Self-explanatory (we think)
Whether it’s a White House lost brain scandal, a civil war in Greenland, or killer robots on the march, we’ve got the music and the June Taylor Dancers to make it go down easy. Anchor: Dan Rather (this is his punishment).
6 P.M. Ch. 41 MOVIE–Hard-boiled crime drama (Consult your physician before you watch it)
Gino the Human Colander stars in Make My Day, Suckah! (Icelandic/Catuvellauni, 1966: 14 minutes [414,with commercials]), the partially true story of a private detective who won’t eat anything unless it’s boiled. This week: A world-famous lawyer with an ironclad alibi is accused of stealing Michelangelo’s David , replacing it with a perfect facsimile. Can Ollie Egg (Gino) trick him into confessing to the crime? The Suspect: Raymond Burr. Flute salesman: Mario Proccacino.
Well, I hope these shows can pry you away from politics for a little while. Quokka politics always ends up in a pie fight!
Byron the Quokka, signing off
Mario Procaccino! I remember his campaign for NYC Mayor in 1969! That was the year, by the way, when (as I saw it in my leftist days) all the good guys killed each other off in the primaries and I wound up writing in Gil Hodges for Mayor. I figured anyone who could lead the Mets to a World Series victory could run NYC.
I remember a Proccacino quote: “My heart is as black as anybody’s.” How did this guy ever lose?
SUPERMODEL SQUAD–Sheer idiocy – anything glorifying supermodels is by definition idiocy. ASSORTED COCCYX AILMENTS–Sort of a doctor show – Myron is a woman? This has to be some kind of slapstick comedy. NEWS WITH THE JUNE TAYLOR DANCERS – this tactic goes all the way back to the Roman Empire – give them food and circuses and anything goes for the rulers. MOVIE–Hard-boiled crime drama – Whenever there is a killing before the first commercial my wife and I kid how this episode is going to be a good one.