Suddenly publishers have gone wild over Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney. It’s too bad she forgot so much of her story and has to go back to Chapter DCCXLIV. She has created a continuity issue, but they want her anyway. “There’s only one Violet, and we want her!” exclaims Wanda Byaduck, CEO and Editor-in-chief at Feeble Books.
Meanwhile, it’s 9:20 in the morning in Scurveyshire and the mammoths are coming, they’re besieging Coldsore Hall but can’t get in because their author has not endowed them with intelligence, and the June Taylor Dancers have emerged from the woods and are dancing down High Street. They think they’ll get high.
“I never could stand them hairy elephants,” soliloquizes Willis Twombley, the American adventurer who thinks he” s Tab Hunter… after all those years of thinking he was Sargon of Akkad. Who’s next–Liberace? “They always give me a feelin’ of–I don’t know–findin’ out you’re really Liberace.”
Lord Jeremy Coldsore, organizing the defense of Coldsore Hall, breaks into Twombley’s soliloquy with an unseemly noise.
“Do you think your bullets will stop them, old chap?” quoth Jeremy.
“If they don’t,” sez Willis, “I can always pick off a few of those June Taylor Dancers. They were a big waste of time on the old Jackie Gleason show.”
Is it any wonder the publishers are clamoring for this book?
Well, I’ll say this; Violet has reestablished plot momentum very deftly and with the plot lifted out of the horse latitudes, she has redeemed herself as an author, in spectacular fashion, making this reader/fan one happy hombre. Ok, I failed, that last sentence should have been much longer, but it fell short, short I tell you … tragically short, sort of like Violet’s attention span. 🙂
She still didn’t remember the puddings, though. Or whatever it was.