Communism gives you gulags, socialism gives you shortages of toilet paper, and capitalism is for selfish meanies! But here’s a whole new economic system that has ’em all beat.
Magic!
A Whole New Economic Philosophy! Absolutely Guaranteed to Work!
Magic gives you what you want, no matter what it is. It comes from a university and will be managed by the government, so it’s guaranteed to be totally great. Three wishes for everybody!
Forget about capitalism! Socialism–that’s old hat! In fact, just throw out all the isms–’cause we’ve got something better!
Dr. Elrond Pubis, professor of Intersectional Economics at Planaria State University, has devised a whole new economic system which he predicts will soon become the model for the entire world.
He calls it “Magic.”
“Cut to the chase!” he explains. “We want what we want when we want it–right?
“Well, in my new system, the government will have the power to grant each and every citizen three wishes. You only get those three, so don’t waste ’em! And as an added bonus” (aren’t bonuses always additional?), “we’ll have full employment because the government will have to hire practically everybody just to keep track of all the wishes!”
Dr. Pubis said he got the idea from reading “certain ancient lore” involving… well, fairies. “Scoff if you like!” he said. “But we are on the verge of hiring former attorney general Loretta Lynch to track down and prosecute Fairy Denial.”