Neil Gorsuch, from the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver, President Donald Trump’s pick to succeed the late Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court, is “worse than the monster that hides under your bed!” according to Democrat sources.
“Here’s what we’ve got on him so far,” said Democrat operative Nick Belial.
As a young child, Gorsuch practiced vampirism and terrorized his neighborhood.
An original member of the Nazi Party, Judge Gorsuch was drinking buddies with Hermann Goering. He also owns at least 14 slaves, whom he forces to live in shabby lean-tos throughout the Rocky Mountain winter.
Gorsuch has been married seven times and murdered his first six wives, whose bodies are believed to be concealed in various places around his opulent 300-room mansion which he purchased with the workers’ blood. His current “wife” is only 11 years old.
He has personally exterminated three minority groups.
In his spare time, Gorsuch leads a home invasion team that breaks into private homes, battering and terrorizing the residents before robbing them.
A hopeless alcoholic, Gorsuch is addicted to 27 different illegal drugs which he obtains from the Hell’s Angels, with whom he maintains an on-again off-again membership. He is also a member of the Ku Klux Klan and has been caught plotting to destroy the planet.
“We’re just getting warmed up!” said Belial. “Wait’ll you hear the really bad stuff we’ve got on this guy! And oh, by the way–that other nominee, Hardiman, I think his name is–well, he was Jack the Ripper!”