More False Facts! (Quokka U. Fund-Raiser)

Quokka in bushes, close-up Stock Photo - Alamy

(I have to get back outside and write some more of my book–but first here’s Byron the Quokka with a special announcement.)

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–that’s me inspecting the groundwork for what will one day be Quokka University’s auxiliary lecture hall. But we’ll need more money to finish the job, and that’s where this special edition of Acme False Facts comes in. For a mere $250 (you see they’ve lowered the price), you can get a set of False Facts Flash Cards which will enable you to dazzle your friends with your esoteric knowledge.

To whet your appetite, here are just a few samples.

*Cave men with guns killed off the dinosaurs. You could look it up.

*The first Club Med was established in Harbin, Manchuria, in 1952. It’s still the most popular Club Med in Manchuria.

*A 1969 poll by the Sons of Bacchus softball team revealed that hardly anyone likes cauliflower stewed in maple syrup.

*The first cell phone was invented in ancient Egypt in 1298 B.C. but was suppressed by Pharaoh Ramses II when he got one too many calls from Hittites selling time shares in a Syrian cave that turned out to be haunted.

*The Common English Pencil Bug can actually be used as a pencil. It even has an eraser!

So there you have it. Shoulders back, chest out, and head held high–deliver these guaranteed false facts with all the conviction you can muster, and enjoy your new career as a sage.