Tag: New Year’s Eve 2019

Can I Make It to Midnight?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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Gone are those New Year’s Eves of yesteryear, where we used to run outside and bellow “Happy New Year!” at the top of our lungs, plus booze, fireworks, and the rest. Now I’ve got 45 minutes to go and I’d rather be in bed. Patty has already fallen asleep on the couch. Our cats are sleeping, too.

A prayer: O Lord our God, we are the sheep of your pasture, and we need our shepherd. Stay with us throughout the year 2020: equip us for your service, give us what we need to hang on. May the name of our Savior Jesus Christ be exalted, this year, in every corner of the earth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

False Facts, Series VI

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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Happy New Year, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with Series VI of Acme False Facts. Aunt Feezy gave me a set for Christmas–I’m afraid she thought the facts were real: us quokkas are trusting souls–and I can hardly wait to impress all the other quokkas with my new-found bogus knowledge!

Without further ado, here are my favorite False Facts, so far.

*Benjamin Franklin invented the cell phone in 1771, but lost interest in it when there was no one to call.

*In 1951 President Mickey Vernon attempted to appoint his horse, Shorty, to the United States Supreme Court. This led to the discovery that he wasn’t really the president, but the Senate confirmed the appointment anyway.

*Kansas City was originally in Japan, but relocated in 1869.

*Ancient astronauts discovered Play-Doh on Mars and brought it to earth in 502 B.C.

*A centipede named Nobody’s Fool won the Kentucky Derby in 1963, but his victory was disallowed because he used too many legs.

I could do this all day, but I won’t–I’ve got a Christmas carol contest to administer.

Remember! Stand up straight, shoulders back, look ’em in the eye, and speak with unshakeable confidence! And you’ll have a future in politics.