They’re Rewriting James Bond, Too

Rare picture of Sean Connery as James Bond. Promotional shoot for  Goldfinger. | James bond movies, James bond style, James bond

If James Bond were real, there’d be some trouble over this.

Move over, Roald Dahl. Ian Fleming needs a seat on the bus to oblivion.

Willie Wonka, meet James Bond! By and by every fictional character in every novel will be rewritten… to accommodate a popular culture that goes from bad to worse by the day.

Yes, James Bond is being rewritten ( ‘Cause he’s “racist, sexist, imperialistic,” yatta-yatta. (Ask me if I care.) And the books he’s in might offend some chuckleheads out there.

They’re gonna remake the movies, too. Maybe what they’re looking for is a new James Bond who used to be a woman, eats nothing but plant-based foods, apologizes for the continued existence of Britain, and goes on and on about it until the very stones must weep for boredom. Well, they’re always remaking Bond movies. But rewriting the novels that the movies are based on–doing it when the author is dead and can’t defend himself–how much lower can it get?

I mean, come on–if you don’t like James Bond books, don’t read them. How is that so hard? Or would you rather sit up in bed all night because someone, somewhere, is reading James Bond and you can’t stop him? And your life as a liberal is incomplete because you can’t stop him.

How did we ever wind up letting these wretched people tell us what to do?